Single, Female, and living aboard?

[Sea Dreaming]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Thanks, Sea Dreaming, but I think most people are missing the point. Solo is not a limitation; our attitudes are limiting. I am doing everything I want in my life, and I'm single, and sail solo. I get help when I need it and sail with friends whenever I want to or they ask, but being single is NEITHER LONELY NOR LIMITING.

I don't miss the point at all! I have no argument for choosing single over paired. Happiness is a choice one chooses, not a condition forced upon you dependant on companionship or lack there of.

There is no point in arguing the virtues of either. To me it's a bit like religion. No matter how enthusiastic a person is about their choice, you will not be able to convince another unless the other is willing to be led.

I don't thing solo is limiting. I probably did not express myself well. But another person does mix experiences up, often outside of what we thought we wanted. Not better, but different.

[belizesailor]

(Dup)

[KiminAK]

Yes, it's not only the sailing community. I've been single for over 10 years and am quite happy that way. I am retiring and moving onto a boat. I'm so happy that I don't have to consider any one else's opinion about any of it. Do what I want to, when I want to, and don't have to listen to anyone else bitch about it or try to change my mind.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by KiminAK

Yes, it's not only the sailing community. I've been single for over 10 years and am quite happy that way. I am retiring and moving onto a boat. I'm so happy that I don't have to consider any one else's opinion about any of it. Do what I want to, when I want to, and don't have to listen to anyone else bitch about it or try to change my mind.

The above would indicate that a previous choice was incorrect.
With the right person it would be pleasant to share.

The hard bit is overcoming the first obstacle and finding the second...

life eh?

[Pelagic]

I think the hard reality is that before you can commit fully to loving someone else....you must ironically first commit to loving yourself.

Choosing to avoid that deep intimate relationship with another, is OK, but then simply accept that the doubts you have, are not with the calibre of people you meet, but about yourself.

[lancelot9898]

Well I joined this match.com thing and most of the people searching for love say how happy they are being single. Not one person says they are lonely. I should be honest and say I don't like being single and that is why I'm on the match site. Today my membership expires and good reddens to it. There is a single woman a couple of boats down from me that I should ask out for a cup of coffee. It's too cold to go sailing here now. Anyway, I hesitate knowing that being single is apparently fine for most people and she is not in search of anyone so why ask her out? If she was closer to my age or if I was not physically attracted to her, I really would not have any problems seeing if I could buy her that coffee. Any old ladies here that are near Deltaville, VA I'll buy you a cup of coffee.

[Sea Dreaming]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I think the hard reality is that before you can commit fully to loving someone else....you must ironically first commit to loving yourself.

Choosing to avoid that deep intimate relationship with another, is OK, but then simply accept that the doubts you have, are not with the calibre of people you meet, but about yourself.

Careful, you are starting to sound enlightened.

However, I do think there are some people who just navigate the world solo best. And I don't think self love as much to do with it. More an awareness that personal goals do not always mix with a deep or committed relationship.

[kmacdonald]

Originally Posted by gamayun

but being single is NEITHER LONELY NOR LIMITING.

Who's going to do the cooking and cleaning then?

[Saleen411]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Come on, all. I am defending what is really a great state of mind and not a pathological condition. Tomorrow, I'm sailing with 3 girlfriends and a guy who might pass the "more than just friends stage." I am not going to hold by breath though or change who I am to make it happen. I love my independence, freedom, low stress and super happy life. Why would I change that for just anyone who doesn't fully embrace this lifestyle, have similar longterm goals or a toolbox that's more impressive than mine

Glad you are so happy...seriously. Same with Z....Who needs a man to tie you down and interfere with all your freedom, independence and happiness?

I think being single is GREAT....I'm single, but I am not alone OR lonely. I'm super lucky to have a GREAT gal in my life who shares EVERYTHING with me. Personally, I much prefer being in a loving committed relationship....but hey, I feel I'm one of the lucky ones. Obviously not all who are "single", choose to be. MOST single people I know want to have that special person in their life....but alas, not always easy, esp. as one gets older.

As may have been mentioned.....being single by choice doesn't necessarily mean being alone or lonely. Big distinction between being single and being alone. Obviously some people/sailors PREFER to be alone...for EXTENDED periods of time. Good for them....i respect that but can't relate to it. I couldn't imagine months or years on a boat sharing sundowners with just me and my manhood. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and all, just not much of a conversationalist.:big grin:

But to each their own....what makes the world go round.

Cheers

[Sea Dreaming]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I think the hard reality is that before you can commit fully to loving someone else....you must ironically first commit to loving yourself.

Choosing to avoid that deep intimate relationship with another, is OK, but then simply accept that the doubts you have, are not with the calibre of people you meet, but about yourself.

Careful, you are starting to sound enlightened.

However, I do think there are some people who just navigate the world solo best. And I don't think self love as much to do with it. More an awareness that personal goals do not always mix with a deep or committed relationship.

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by lancelot9898

Any old ladies here that are near Deltaville, VA I'll buy you a cup of coffee.

If you want to meet nice old ladies, become a sewing machine technician.
They'll beat a path to your door !


Sewing Machine Greenbank, WA - S & J Sewing Machine Services

Steve

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Sea Dreaming

Careful, you are starting to sound enlightened.

However, I do think there are some people who just navigate the world solo best. And I don't think self love as much to do with it. More an awareness that personal goals do not always mix with a deep or committed relationship.

Totally agree, but there is often a deeper personal dragon you need to slay!...here was mine....

I remember reading a book in my early 20's called "The importance of being Selfish"......It was all about being honest with yourself about what you dreamed to do with your life and to then pursue it unconditionally!

So I changed from the world of Academics and professional degrees to achieve a master mariner's license and pursue a career as a consultant / captain of super yachts.

This disappointed many who saw it as a shameful waste of my talents, especially the women who found me good husband material and thought they could change (or guide) me.

So I stayed true to myself over the years, despite relationship heartbreaks and family guilt that I somehow didn't measure up....

This while ironically becoming very successful in my chosen career and lifestyle.

However it took the death of both my loving parents when I was 50, to slay that "Guilt Dragon" and make room within myself, to commit fully to another.

I guess the point I was trying to make is:.... to not give up on others or yourself. [emoji127]

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by Celestialsailor

It use to really piss me off, well intentioned members of the sailing community trying to pair me up with someone while all I wanted was where I was at.

This is getting close to what I mean. The premise that many people automatically form in their minds is that single people would be happier if they were paired. Happiness is a state of being, it's not a status. I have a son who is now 33. Everyone asks whether he is married and has kids, which is a reasonable sort of silly question when having a casual conversation with someone. Yet, when I respond that he is single, it surprises me how much a part of my brain reflexively wants to explain to them how great his life is lest they think something's not right, just like we are doing here. I realize it's my insecurity to bear because I care about what other people think, but it's also why I vigorously defend individual choices, particularly if they're not in line with cultural norms.

Besides, the OP's original query was whether there were single women living aboard -- not why....

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by gamayun

This is getting close to what I mean. The premise that many people automatically form in their minds is that single people would be happier if they were paired. Happiness is a state of being, it's not a status. I have a son who is now 33. Everyone asks whether he is married and has kids, which is a reasonable sort of silly question when having a casual conversation with someone. Yet, when I respond that he is single, it surprises me how much a part of my brain reflexively wants to explain to them how great his life is lest they think something's not right, just like we are doing here. I realize it's my insecurity to bear because I care about what other people think, but it's also why I vigorously defend individual choices, particularly if they're not in line with cultural norms.

Besides, the OP's original query was whether there were single women living aboard -- not why....

Ahh.. its what is referred to as the 'Natural Order of Family'.. read that somewhere..
It starts with
"Haven't you a BF/GF yet..??"
"What..? Your not engaged yet..??
"Please tell me your not Gay.."
"When are you getting married..??"
"Not expecting yet..??"
"Time you had a second child.. its not fair on the first.."
"Your not a Grandparent yet..??"
"Please tell me they're not Gay.."

[weavis]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Ahh.. its what is referred to as the 'Natural Order of Family'.. read that somewhere..
It starts with
"Haven't you a BF/GF yet..??"
"What..? Your not engaged yet..??
"Please tell me your not Gay.."
"When are you getting married..??"
"Not expecting yet..??"
"Time you had a second child.. its not fair on the first.."
"Your not a Grandparent yet..??"
"Please tell me they're not Gay.."

I think you will find that is societal not a natural order. Natural order is companionship and making a family unit with or without children.

Or as I like to call it, being with yer best mate.