On the philosophy of cruising

[girdasso]

Hi Double U. Nearly 100% of the population are dreamers. Nothing wrong with that. Only a few get to follow through with their dreams. Not all dreams are achievable, but small steps in the right direction can achieve great adventures and memories. I am one of the lucky ones still racing my boat after 78 years of sailing. I recommend sailing as a great sport once you confirm it is good for you and your wife. Good luck.

[double u]

anecdote from our 1st rtw in the early 80s:
met a young french couple with their self-built 32' ferrocement boat in the Canaries. After our first longer offshore passage from Gibraltar we were absolutely exhilarated & thrilled with our "new life" (despite our boat having been a very spartan Wharram cat). The two French were very disillusioned, their plan was to sail back to France & sell the boat. We were flabbergasted: years of dreaming & hard work, & now that their (& our) dreams were starting to come true - they were disappointed.
"The Ocean, the boat, navigation (sextant then!), the weather, the birds, fishes, dolphins! What an adventure!)"
They replied: "aw yes, one dolphin, another...", implying: "what's the big deal? So boring!"

[sstuller]

You are suffering from the law of diminishing returns. There is less and less enjoyment with each purchase. Stop. Sometimes less is more.

[johnn33]

I am in the UK, and we are fortunate to have several Charities to help young people in different ways - Jubilee Sailing Trust, Ocean Trust South and North, Tall Ships etcetera.
In the USA you have https://www.ussailing.org/member-options/ and others. I would try to help one of them and discover how you can both help them and yourselves.
John

[Soundhaven]

Gratitude begets happiness.
Start by acknowledging what you have to be grateful for, every day, every hour, as you're working, walking, whatever. Pay attention and be grateful for every tiny blessing in your life.
Next, stop buying "things" and stop paying for subscriptions to "entertainment." Get a library card and start helping others with projects to increase your "fix it" skills:electrical, plumbing, marine diesel engine, outboard repair, varnishing, sewing.
Sell or donate all the extras. It won't all fit on your boat, and if you can't live without it on land, you will resent being without it on a boat. I'm absolutely serious about this. Keep one vehicle. Keep the minimum clothes you need for your current job. Keep one pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, 7 pair of underwear, etcetera. Start using your phone or Kindle (this you will keep) and your library card to access books and movies.
If you are serious about changing your life and living aboard, you must enjoy a (comparatively) minimalist, outdoor lifestyle. Make walking a part of every day life. You will be walking to do laundry, even when you're at a marina. You will be walking to get groceries.
Stop using your dishwasher, microwave, and anything else that draws too many amps. Stop wasting water. Think about what you are using and why.
Be grateful every day.
I have been living aboard full-time for 5 years this month. I love it. I hope you and wife enjoy your sailing 101 class. Who knows? Maybe you'll become full-time cruisers!

[raahell]

Hi DD,

A coastal charter in the BVI or some other nice sailing region - with your wife - is a great way to at least see if you like the sailing part and neither of you succumbs to seasickness. That's often the deal breaker for wannabe sailors.

As mentioned, however, most charters will only introduce you to the sailing part which is 5% of the commitment. To get a more comprehensive understanding, once you've successfully managed your first basic charter, choose your 2nd charter with a passage-making couple or family that actually spends time during the charter to introduce you to maintenance and care, route planning, risk avoidance, weather prediction, budgetting, etc. THAT will certainly move you along in your decision curve.

"Distant Shores" run by Paul and Sheryl Shard, is a good example. They've got great educational videos and their own TV program. Check those out for a start. They run charters off their Southerly swing keel sailboat and they will help you with understanding how to fulfill your dreams for you and your family. BTW I've no connection to them other than having spent many happy hours in the sailing off-season (we're located in the north) with my wife watching their inspirational vids.

This type of charter costs more, of course, but is still less expensive and time consuming than buying a smaller sailboat and cruising around in your local lake for 10 years, trying vainly to extrapolate from that experience whether your dream is realistic.

There are other commercial charter couples and families that do more extreme sailing in the high latitudes and who have a dedicated training program on board to help you transition to that lifestyle. Perhaps that would be a good 3rd step for you and your wife assuming the first two steps are successful.

Good luck!

[JasC]

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

I know nothing. I've never even been on a sailboat, live in a land-locked state, and at least 10 years out from the budget to be able to do anything I propose. Regardless, I will do my best to rant and rave for a bit, so I will put a TL;DR at the bottom for anyone who isn't interested.

I've always felt like the 9-5 is a trap. So many of us spend the majority of our lives doing something we would rather not do (work) to buy things that enable us to keep working, while (at least in America) the housing market and education costs have gone haywire, resulting in an average quality of life much lower than it was 50 years ago. The work/life balance has shifted unfavorably, and I don't have anything to complain about (I'm incredibly privileged) but I am complaining anyway because we can find a way to be discontent with anything. I think humans are defined by our suffering and therefore seek it out subconsciously in all situations. I constantly fall victim to the allure of retail therapy - since my life (aside from raising my kids and spending time with my wife) doesn't seem to have any significant purpose for me as an individual, I feel unfulfilled and tend toward escapism. Surprise, having 3 vehicles, an expensive motorcycle, an 82" tv, a new Macbook, all the latest movies, tv shows, books... they're not fulfilling in the long term. They're a temporary escape that brings reality crashing down again as soon as the credits roll. I'm trying to fill a void that can't be filled with gadgets, and the prospect of working 9-5 for another 30 years invokes a kind of hopeless despair. But that's "just what people do" right? You HAVE to work, right? Be a good member of society! Put your nose to the grindstone!

In short, I'm always looking forward to the next thing (vacation, purchase, celebration) in hopes that it satisfies my desire, but it never does, or at best the satisfaction is fleeting. Back to the grindstone for another 30 years, with only the odd weekend or semi-annual Disneyland vacation with the kids to keep your morale up.

Similarly, I've always been a dreamer, and a bit of a hopeless romantic. I've considered leaving my high-tech life to go live in a cabin in the woods without electricity. I've considered becoming Amish. I've considered becoming a blacksmith. None of these seemed particularly feasible because I couldn't make enough of an income for the associated costs, or I don't have the skills, or I'm not religious in the slightest, and an isolated land-locked life in a cabin seems like something I probably just don't have the skills to survive.

I've also always wanted to travel, because there's so much more to the world than my little corner of America. I have my SCUBA certification. I joined the military in hopes of travel (and did little of it). I have a travel-focused credit card, an active passport, my Global Entry card, brand new vehicles and a full tank of gas - and I'm still essentially unable to do any traveling. Weekend trips in the car, not the week-long European excursions I'd love to do. The trappings of modern society prevent it. We have the money - but we don't have the time.

I only discovered "cruisers" about a month ago. Since then it's all I can think about. It seems like an alternative win condition to life. You can retire early, do all the traveling you want, enjoy the best part of your life while you're young enough to do so, rather than waiting until your "golden years" to do what you want to do. I've watched too many people work until the day they die. Terribly depressing.

So what's the hold up? Build a budget! Start saving! Just do it! Well, I want to make sure I study this from all angles. I might be over-analyzing, but I want to try to understand the realities of the daily grind as a cruiser. I'm sure everyone who goes home after their Hawaiian vacation wants to pack up and buy a house there, until they realize that working and living in Hawaii is an entirely different animal than vacationing in Hawaii. Similarly, of course I would need to charter a boat a few times at least. I would need to take courses to learn how to sail, how to operate a radio, basic electronics courses for solar and battery maintenance, small engine repair, carpentry, etc. etc. I don't even know how to tie a good knot.

But there's a nagging feeling that I will never understand what it means to live on a boat day in and day out until I actually do it for an extended length of time. How much will I actually care about: showering with a bucket? visas and paperwork for entering countries? The possibility of crime? Exchange rates, language barriers, culture shock? Claustrophobia? Strict budgeting? Working on the generator or the outboard or the rigging or the rudder or all of it at once in the cold, the rain, when I'm tired, and frustrated? I have an easy life now - one that I don't particularly enjoy, but easy. I have an office job. I have a California king. I have a water softener and a big hot water heater. I have a huge, expensive, comfortable couch that I lounge on to watch my huge TV with every movie in the world. I have stable, fast Internet. Creature comforts that I now have and will continue to get used to using, and if I make the leap into cruising, there's no turning back. I would sell my house and all my assets and live off the interest of my investments after dumping capital into my boat purchase.

So I want to jump in head-first, save money and prepare for the next 10-15 years and then leave it all behind and just GO, assuming that my wife actually wants to do it as well. She's supportive, but I'm not convinced that her heart is in it, and this is one of the biggest areas of concern but outside the scope of the forum so largely omitted here. Cruising is the only prospect that has actually given me hope and a sense of purpose of any possible reality that I can envision for myself. I just don't want to get there and realize I've made a mistake because I didn't fully understand the situation.

Here's the kind of setup I'm considering at this infancy stage of planning:

30-45ft catamaran up to $100k-ish (Wife would do better with more open space and less rocking)
$1500-2000+ budget per month
No assets and no debts on land
Would like the possibility of passages as I'd be in it for... 20+ years?

Now I understand there will be points of contention ("The gemini 105mc is too small for passages! Cats aren't built for passages! Fiberglass is crap, it's going to deteriorate away! An old cat on that budget won't last that long!") and those are what I'm here to hear. Tell me I'm an idiot for assuming I can plan the rest of my life doing something I know nothing about. Tell me I'm an idiot for thinking my setup is realistic. Tell me I'm just like everyone else who dreams of becoming a cruiser and never does because of X or Y or both. Or tell me that you were just like me and did it and have no regrets because the positives outweighed the negatives.

TL;DR Do you think a significant portion of dreamers and romanticizers end up disillusioned with liveaboard sailing and call their trip short or forgo it altogether?

Brother you hit a nerve. I am sure you speak for many of us out there. I will be very interested to see your progress. Anxiously reading all comments.

[captivacapt]

TheDoubleDuece,
Just go for it exactly as your dreaming it. Cluttering your head with everyone's else experiences will do just that, CLUTTER YOUR HEAD. Obviously you need to buy a sailboat now to play and learn, one that already has a marina slip would be best. Go out as often as weather and work allows. You'll make mistakes like everything else in life. The result from having your own sailboat is being around other sailors where you'll learn so much, FROM EXPERIENCE. IMO

[jalmberg]

Like many difficult things, cruising is something people do because they have no choice. No sensible person without this compulsion would buy a $150,000 sailboat to travel. You can buy a lot of airline tickets and hotel rooms for that price. Sailing is a slow, difficult, uncomfortable, and expensive way to get from point A to point B. That’s why sailing ships were replaced by steamships, railroads, and airplanes. People who work on boats (fishermen, merchantmen) often can’t even imagine going to sea for pleasure. Cruising is different from sailing. Blue water cruising is different from coastal cruising. I’d sailed and cruised locally my whole life before trying blue water cruising — a 1000 mile trip in mostly 10’ seas down the coast of Brazil on someone else’s boat. I got off that boat thinking “never again!” Surprisingly, my non-sailing wife thoroughly enjoyed it and convinced me to try it again (a trip from England across the English Channel to France on an old wooden gaffer.) That was much more enjoyable, so we kept cruising on other people’s boats, discovering what we liked and didn’t like, and learning a lot in the process (we were both still working.) Eventually, we were hooked and we sold my old 23’ sailboat and bought a real blue water boat, and we’ve been full-time cruising for the last four years. My wife is still tougher than me, mentally, and that gets us through the rough spots. For example, we are currently moored in St Augustine FL suffering through a four day nor’easter with 20-30 knot winds. A real drag, but we are catching up on projects, cooking more elaborate food, and making the best of it. My advice: try cruising before you buy into it. You might get hooked, or you might thoroughly hate it. No shame or judgement either way.

[dannc]

I am going to reorder some of what you wrote so bear with me.

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

I only discovered "cruisers" about a month ago. Since then it's all I can think about. It seems like an alternative win condition to life. You can retire early, do all the traveling you want, enjoy the best part of your life while you're young enough to do so, rather than waiting until your "golden years" to do what you want to do. I've watched too many people work until the day they die. Terribly depressing.

We discovered "cruising" around 2000.

At the time we had just bought land, were designing our dream home, and were expecting a child. One night, I was working late at work. Again. I was starting stuff up, waiting for failures, then I would tweak some setting, and retry until a configuration would run all night. As I waited for failure, for some reason, some how, I surfed into two websites, George Buehler's Diesel Duck site, Diesel Ducks Home Page and Michael Kasten's, Kasten Marine Design - Modern Classic Yacht Design I read and reread those websites and bought George's books which started my rather large and ever growing boat library. Eventually.

Long story short, we put the cruising idea to bed very quickly. We were expecting, just bought land, and designing a house. This was not the time to go boating. That made absolutely no sense what so ever. I knew it. The wife knew it. If we had done what many on here will tell you to do, it would have been a disaster. Not a boating disaster but a family disaster.

Oh, yeah. We had no money.

You need money. How much money is a great debate and only YOU and YOUR WIFE can make that decision.

I too have seen too many people die before retirement but also soon after. Having a plan for life after a work life is important. Many people do not and I think that is why so many die after retiring.

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

I would sell my house and all my assets and live off the interest of my investments after dumping capital into my boat purchase.

About 13 years or so after putting The Cruising Idea to sleep, it awoke again. I was working late. Again. And went back to the above mentioned websites. The wife and I started talking. Again. The Cruising Idea was ALIVE again.

I started reading. Lots of reading of books, websites, and blogs Joined this website and Trawler Forum. We went to a Trawler Fest, met George, Bill who has built a bunch of George's designs, owners, and owner wannabes. We have traveled to other countries looking at boat yards.

The plan is to sell everything, the dream house and dream land, get a boat and go. Funny realization is how much material stuff we have, and we really don't have much, and much of what we have is from IKEA and furniture we picked up here and there. is not really worth squat. The stuff does what we need it to do and that is it's value. We only have a handful of stuff we would likely put in storage. The cost of storage would quickly exceed the money value of much of what we would keep, but there are family connections to said stuff.

We were talking about this a few days ago. We think we could fit everything we needed on a boat into a shipping pallet and a few suit cases.

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

So I want to jump in head-first, save money and prepare for the next 10-15 years and then leave it all behind and just GO, assuming that my wife actually wants to do it as well. She's supportive, but I'm not convinced that her heart is in it, and this is one of the biggest areas of concern but outside the scope of the forum so largely omitted here.

So the Wifey and I created a plan. The first step was a list of places we wanted to go. Mainly where my WIFEY wants to go. It is a prioritized list. Also, what is it that WE want to do and see in those places. This is an iterative process and is not just one conversation, but you need a conversation to start the iterations. Then read books, websites, blogs, watch sailing videos, etc. I have also "circumnavigated" Ireland by looking at the marine charts and reading about the various anchorages and ports. We have visited Ireland by boat, on land, and want to return. Looking at the charts and places is also driving certain boat features we would like to have. If possible.

Another part of The Plan is education. Reading and viewing YouTube videos is part of that education. The videos we watch show the Good and Bad of cruising. They have also opened our eyes up to places we never thought we would consider visiting. Not high on the list but you never know...

The YouTube videos we like are as much travel shows as showing what it is like to live on a boat.

Part of education is taking classes. We have done some ASA classes, are taking one now and have the 104 class schedule for June. Hoping to start 104 a bit early so we can start taking a larger boat out for day sails.

Between ASA 101/103, the recommendation is to sail 80 hours before taking 104. We have been putting in the hours day sailing and every trip is fun and we learn something new. The classes are the start not the end. The wifey needs to be doing this as well. The classes are also a good introduction to sailing and boating but, at least in our case, sailing is just a means to and end, which is getting to places we want to visit.

Notice that the wife is part of all of this. To be honest, I am the one doing the research while she handles the too many family issues we have at the moment. My wife wants to do this as much as I do. If anything, I have to hold her back a bit. This is a good thing and I think unusual. There is a guy at the marina where we charter a boat whose wife wants not part of boating and I think he is a bit envious that my wife is so involved. This is critical. Your wife has to want to do this. Do not force her or the dream is doomed and possibly your marriage.

To us, the boat is a tool to get us from A to B. The traveling from A to B could be great, not so great or really bad. Most cruisers are not traveling that much compared to being in a place. Being at a place is the point for us. Sailing and the boat is just a tool to get to that place.

Remember, we started this idea with a list of places to go and see. I think that is the right idea and how you and your wife should look at cruising. Honestly, sailing around the world has almost zero interest to me and that certainly is the case with the Wifey. However, if we could go to all of the places we want to visit, we would likely circumnavigate. I just do not know if we have that many good years left.

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

But there's a nagging feeling that I will never understand what it means to live on a boat day in and day out until I actually do it for an extended length of time. How much will I actually care about: showering with a bucket? visas and paperwork for entering countries? The possibility of crime? Exchange rates, language barriers, culture shock? Claustrophobia? Strict budgeting? Working on the generator or the outboard or the rigging or the rudder or all of it at once in the cold, the rain, when I'm tired, and frustrated? I have an easy life now

I think there is some truth in not knowing what it is like to live full time, or close to full time, until you do it. The closes one can get to that is spending as much time on a boat as you can we have spent a week on a boat for our ASA classes. That is not really cruising but it was a learning exercise. We have spent two weeks on a boat cruising in Scotland and Ireland which certainly gave us a indication if we wanted to go cruising or not. After two weeks on the boat, we did NOT want to get off said boat. We had seen sooooo much but had missed sooooo many places too.

The rest of your list of concerns is just something you learn to do. Noonsite is a great help, https://www.noonsite.com/?__cf_chl_j...o1vCHJbAgkr5OQ

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

I have a travel-focused credit card, an active passport, my Global Entry card, brand new vehicles and a full tank of gas - and I'm still essentially unable to do any traveling. Weekend trips in the car, not the week-long European excursions I'd love to do. The trappings of modern society prevent it. We have the money - but we don't have the time.

And the above is a very important point. People will tell you to get a boat and go sailing. But if you don't have time, owning a boat is a waste of MONEY and TIME. And worse, it is a waste of your precious time to go sailing.

In our case, we do not have the money, and while I have a decent amount of vacation, taking that vacation time is difficult. I have pulled my wife back from the precipice of boat buying several times because of the money/time problem. Even if we got a ready to go boat FOR FREE, it would still be waste of time and money for us!

Spending money on dockage, insurance and maintenance would cost us far more than chartering a boat. Charting is a far, far, far better use of our limited money AND limited time. I am so busy that I am having to pay to have simple work done on equipment that I could do, want do, but do not have time to do. How in h....ll am I going to find time to maintain a boat? If we had a boat, our boat time would be working on the boat vs having fun/learning on the boat.

I don't think that reality is gong to encourage your wife to want to go cruising. Maintaining a boat is part of cruising, but if your wife thinks that having a boat is all about working on the boat, me thinks one is in trouble.

We managed a far number of days sailing last year. A whopping SIX days. We PLANNED for twice that many days, but sickness, and mostly bad weather, limited our days sailing by half of what we had planned. We did get a late start sailing and hope to do better this year. But think about those numbers... And we are close to the boat. We can hop in the car and be at the boat in four hours for little cost.

IF we had done, say 10 days, and we owned a boat, how much would the cost of ownership been per sailing day? Answer, a heck of a lot more than chartering. This year we are planning on starting the sailing season sooner. Even if we manages 20 days on the boat, which is doubtful, that might be cheaper than chartering. Maybe. But then I would be burning precious time working on the boat...

Start planning. Get the wife interested in the travel side of cruising. Take the classes. Do not push the wife. Encourage the wife. Have fun. This IS supposed to be fun but there will be times when it is NOT fun. Charter a boat for short sails, and eventually, week long periods on a boat. Start with itty, bitty small steps. Have fun. Don't mess up and push too hard. It has happened to people in this forum, and I think The Dream was killed at some great expense, and I suspect the marriage, at an even higher cost.

Later,
Dan

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

Or tell me that you were just like me and did it and have no regrets because the positives outweighed the negatives.

TL;DR Do you think a significant portion of dreamers and romanticizers end up disillusioned with liveaboard sailing and call their trip short or forgo it altogether?

In 1991 I went on a charter to the BVIs with my family. The whole time we were there, at every happy hour, we all tried to come up with ways to just stay out there, to keep sailing and not go home. It took a while to figure it out, but I eventually did leave to go cruising in 2005. So I've been out sailing for 16 years now. Got a divorce along the way, but kept on cruising. I've seen amazing places, and met some really wonderful people. I've never regretted a moment (although I've had some scary weather related experiences). Life is not boring at all. If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger
So go ahead and do it. You'll need to spend $200,000 to get a reasonable catamaran, but the good news is that living onboard is less expensive than onshore. You will have limited storage space, so that should quickly put a halt to your retail therapy. We have hot water, two queen sized beds, and we watched a movie on the flatscreen last night, so you will not be giving up as many amenities as you might think.

[TheDoubleDeuce]

TabbyCat, this is asking a lot and it's highly personal information but it's so relevant to my case that I have to ask - was the divorce related to the cruising lifestyle / the road to get there? Feel free to ignore the question, respond only by PM or any other combination - but it's something that concerns me greatly and it's my responsibility to ask. I want to make sure I go about this the right way, without pressuring, pushing or making her feel uncomfortable - while still recognizing that she may end up being against it anyway.



Dan, thank you so much - it's very interesting to hear from someone who seems like they're in my shoes, but at a later stage. I could see myself in your situation 10-12 years from now so it's really relevant. I think life only becomes more complicated as we age and add new factors (career advancement, kids, home ownership, etc) and the web can be difficult to extricate yourself from. Upon reading your post I'm once again vacillating between purchasing a cheap trailer sailer and relying on charters. Either way, joining a club would probably be helpful to get me in and around other folks for networking, and should be fun too!



Jalmberg, you make interesting points as well - I do feel somewhat that sailing would just be a means to an end for me. I think I would enjoy the challenge, but if you could offer me the choice of retirement and travel without the sweat and knowledge requirements of sailing, I would probably take it. It's hard to say, because I don't know anything about sailing. It's also different taking ASA 101 at a local lake, or even chartering, because as folks here have said - the tough parts are all handled for you.



This is all pointing back to one reality for me - sailing, and everything associated with the cruising lifestyle, is intriguing. I still can't stop thinking about it and looking at boats and wondering, at all hours of the night, if I should be taking ASA classes or US Sailing, or if I should be buying a cheap boat or chartering one, or if the whole damn thing is just unrealistic and I'm crazy. I don't think I'm crazy, but the crazy ones never do. Maybe you have to be a little crazy to sell all your crap and go live on a boat. Then again, the people who are a little crazy are usually the ones you see really living life to the fullest. The one constant throughout this whole mental exercise is that I have continually felt that the challenges of living a cruising lifestyle would be worth it, because I would rather deal with those in exchange for the benefits it brings, than live my mundane suburban life. Remains to be seen whether I'm just too ignorant to be making that call, or if my wife will come around to the idea, so all I can do is get some experience one way or another.



It's a conundrum but it's nice to have the ability to talk to everyone here, and by email, and I appreciate all the input.

[LargeMarge]

2003, my Very Significant Other got sick.

In less than a week after receiving the diagnosis, we acquired and converted a 1997 Ford CF8000 commercial truck to our concept of an ExpeditionVehicle.

Our Requirements Statement included fun and freedom, and hugs and holding hands while watching the sunrise.
Our Requirements Statement included (verbatim) "avoid spending forever getting ready to go instead of just going".

Our conversion was finished in less than a week... while we sold everything.
In less than a week after acquiring our rig, we hit the road from Oregon with the vague goal of 'south'.

Twenty-four months twenty-four thousand miles around south America.
Alaska, Panama, all over north and central America.

After nearly two decades full-time live-aboard, we have a pretty good idea of the stuff and skills we need.

I offer a playful question to anybody agonizing over details in the hopes of achieving perfection from the start.
This is based on years and years of seeing new potential overlanders burning the midnight-oil while trying to achieve the ultimate in security... but not pursuing the one goal they claim to want.

* Might you be over-thinking this?

[LargeMarge]

Originally Posted by Soundhaven

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[edited for brevity while strongly encouraging meditation on the original]
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Gratitude begets happiness.
Start by acknowledging what you have to be grateful for, every day, every hour, as you're working, walking, whatever. Pay attention and be grateful for every tiny blessing in your life... Think about what you are using and why.
Be grateful every day.
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After nearly two decades full-time live-aboard, this's our approach to each precious moment together.
A big thumbs 'UP' to Soundhaven for sharing!

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by TheDoubleDeuce

TabbyCat, this is asking a lot and it's highly personal information but it's so relevant to my case that I have to ask - was the divorce related to the cruising lifestyle / the road to get there?

I wanted to keep on cruising, he didn't. That happens a lot, although usually it is the other way around - Grandmas miss their grandkids, that sorta thing. You should do some charters together and offer to crew on OPBs (other people's boats) to see if the cruising lifestyle is for both of you. You don't get a do-over- if you don't get this out of your system, you can't change your mind when you are 80+ - you don't get these years back, and all you will have is the woulda-coulda-shouldas. I've seen quite few couples spend years planning & outfitting a boat for cruising, stay out for a year, and then sell the boat & move the desert! But at least they got it out of their system and had a big adventure.

Cruising is not easy. That's actually one of the good things about it - overcoming obstacles like dragging anchors, solving navigational problems, checking into foreign countries, repairing your boat in foreign ports, etc with your partner brings a sense of accomplishment and can bring you closer together and a feeling of being very alive. Since you will be in control of your destiny, you should have a self reliant personality. My partner and I can repair engines, sew sails, fix electrical issues, paint the bottom, etc. We did not know all this in year one, but we learned it along the way. If you want to be taken care of & fear the unknown, then cruising is not the place for you. But perhaps a daysailer out of a marina might be a good start - that's how most people begin, and then they "graduate" to the offshore cruising lifestyle if they enjoy the first steps and pine for distant shores.

There is a world of difference between "vacationing" in a place for a couple of weeks and taking a few photos to show to the relatives back home, vs cruising to that same place and living there for months or perhaps years at a time. With the latter, you meet locals and become part of the community, and we've found it to be much more meaningful. We've repaired native fishing canoes, been invited into island homes for meals, attended funerals & weddings, and made many friendships along the way. Cruising is so different than a "sightseeing vacation" that it is almost impossible to put into words.