Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

For many marriages this song comes to mind

".....you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer...."

Helter Skelter - Paul McCartney with Nirvana (The…: Helter Skelter - Paul McCartney with Nirvana (The Beatles song) - YouTube

Wifey B:

She's coming down fast
Yes she is
Yes she is coming down fast

[Celestialsailor]

Originally Posted by weavis

...or one of my all time favorites....

[Celestialsailor]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Would probably have agreed with you a decade ago, but after 9 years together with a wonderful Filipino lady...we both hate to be apart....even for a few hours..
She is my best friend, keeps me laughing and always has my back.
Here in the Philippines.... Temptation and opportunity for extra marital affairs is readily available.... It is even discretely accepted in their culture.....
But when you find the right partner... it is not even a thought to play with a stranger.
I am a lucky guy!

Ok...Now I officially hate you!

Originally Posted by weavis

Glad you got it right.

A friend of mine has not been so lucky. A group of us have been going out there for over 20 some years, (I do some medical charity work) going to Cebu ..... he finally bought out there and lives 6 months of the year.

Over the last 6 years, My clinic has treated him 3 times for gentleman diseases, and he was in a monogomous relationship each time with a local!

Because of the lifestyle and as you say, tacit approval of extra curricular activities.., I would want a full medical first and a family history.

this lady he lives with now, she was the last "gift giver" and they both sorted out medically and he chose to carry on.

A GREAT country and lovely people......... but will tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth sometimes. If you get a good woman it makes all the difference.

You are a very lucky man.

In my importing days, I went to Thailand 10 times. Talking to a local woman, who explained to me that Thailand had a concubine system up to the beginning of the 20th century. King Rama 5 did away with it for the sake of trade with England. It never went away, just underground. She told me that a marriage is an arrangement where the ground rules are laid down at the beginning. Getting something on the side is usually permitted providing it is never brought to the attention of the family or friends where the wife could lose "face".

Originally Posted by socaldmax

He woke up a couple nights later at home and found a menacing face staring at him, and she was holding his privates stretched out with a razor about to amputate it! He managed to talk her out of it.

There is a term in Thailand coined "Feeding the ducks". Where in a village, when the man is caught cheating, The spouse performs quick surgery on the offending "member", then proceeds to toss it out the window, where the ducks quickly devourer it.

Originally Posted by ArtM

As has been hinted at, the problem lies in expectation. Our tradition as human beings is to expect sexual fidelity from our partners.

Although we like to say that our marriage is not "about" sex, the truth is that in most marriages sex is the only non-negotiable element.

However, I think the real reason behind this is fear of loss. We aren't afraid of the SEX with the other person, we're afraid of losing something to that other person in a way that we have no control over. Thus, we attempt to control or prevent the sex in order to control or prevent the possibility of loss.

Anyway, anyone have any idea what happened to the OP, or what this thread was originally about?

Bingo!....on the sex and fear deal.

[jwing]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: On the other hand if it takes years, you have your answer that you're not meant to be married. Something is telling you otherwise.

Years ago, I would've agreed with you. My experience since then has proven you wrong. I bring it up not to make you feel bad, but to ask you to refrain from repeating this statement. Somebody may take you seriously and miss out on an experience you have not known.

OTH, if you said this in jest, I apologize; the humor escaped me.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by jwing

Years ago, I would've agreed with you. My experience since then has proven you wrong. I bring it up not to make you feel bad, but to ask you to refrain from repeating this statement. Somebody may take you seriously and miss out on an experience you have not known.

OTH, if you said this in jest, I apologize; the humor escaped me.

Wifey B: Point taken and exceptions noted. I still think couples though who date and date and get together and fight and break up and back together and live together and it just goes on and on but they don't marry, in most cases are realizing that while they may love each other, they aren't meant to be married. And nothing at all wrong with that.

I know one couple that has been together 30+ years but she's made it clear from day one she'll never marry him. Doesn't want to be connected financially in any way. Loves the man. Does not trust his financial dealings which range from long term IRS battles to coming home from poker games with many shares of Microsoft, a new car and a beach house. But no comingling of finances for them.

But certainly there are others who go together 8, 10, 12 years and then get married and live happily ever after. Every couple is different. Honestly, had I been on the outside looking at us and how things happened with us, I would have said no way, you're crazy, what are you fools doing, it's impossible and probably a few choice words. Well, actually I got some of that from one of my roomies.

I'd also say we were both among those thinking it will never happen to us. I didn't picture marriage in my life, nor did he. Then we met. Heck, if it was a tv script it would be tossed for too unrealistic, no one would believe this.

Even something as simple as the word "love." There are a bazillion different kinds of love and something tells me each of those feels different to every person. What you feel as love vs. what I feel may be too entirely different things. I know some have deep love but it doesn't have the passion my love has. I know some think we're just crazy.

Everyone has to find what is right for them. What makes them happy and their partner happy, if they have one.

[Pelagic]

The Greeks have 9 names for different forms of Love.
Each one no less important than the other
I think we all morph in and out of those different kinds of love daily with our partner.

The trick is to remain in synch with which one is being expressed at the time !

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

The Greeks have 9 names for different forms of Love.
Each one no less important than the other
I think we all morph in and out of those different kinds of love daily with our partner.

The trick is to remain in synch with which one is being expressed at the time !

Wifey B: I think more like 9 bazillion. hehe.

Even with your friends, they're different so you love them each a little different. I'd say even with kids. You love them equally and as a parent. But each a little bit differently.

We have a good friend whose wife died and he then remarried. He said it scared him because he didn't think he'd love again. He knew he could never love anyone like he did his first wife. Now he realizes that wasn't what was required. He doesn't love his current like his first. They're very different people and he loves her in a different way. They do different things together. They relate to each other differently.

I think there are infinite kinds of love and the ability of man to love is far more than he often realizes or pursues. Often we're scared. I do think as my hubby and I fell in love, together we found our ability to love others a bit more. We have friends who we love so much and would do anything for. And we just love being around them. Sometimes our house is a total zoo with so many ending up here but it's so many of our friends who we love.

[Pelagic]

Actually I was wrong the ancient Greeks described 6
http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness...ange-your-life

I think #6 in a positive way is the most important and is part of the answer for the OP

[Major Ursa]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Actually I was wrong the ancient Greeks described 6
http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness...ange-your-life

I think #6 in a positive way is the most important and is part of the answer for the OP

Funny, I would have said #4 instead.

[Major Ursa]

Originally Posted by Major Ursa

Funny, I would have said #4 instead.

Err, I meant #5.

(And can't figure out how to edit my previous post on the iPad app)

[Coops]

Originally Posted by Major Ursa

Err, I meant #5.

(And can't figure out how to edit my previous post on the iPad app)

You only have 20-30 mins to edit a post after you actually post it. After that you have to ask a moderator to do it for you. Which is no trouble by the way.

Coops.

[osirissail]

Originally Posted by Guy

Don't ever spend $7500 again in the boat yard. Learn how to do it yourself.

Plus 1! This is the key to both affordable and happy cruising. If you cannot D-I-Y most everything to do with keeping and maintaining the boat then - as suggested - charter.

At least here in the eastern USA and especially Florida, having work done in the typical boatyards by their "professionals" is both ridiculously expensive and generally incompetent to boot. The boatyards hire just about anybody off the street as "yard boys" and give them barely adequate instructions on how to "do the fix." Additionally there is little incentive for the minimum wage guy to put any skill or mental effort into doing the job.

If you buy a boat "how to" book and read it and take your time you can most likely do a much better job yourself.

If you need "professional" work done ask around and find an outside (non-boatyard) outfit to do the work.

However, there are dedicated repair facilities, like for marine engines, that may be attached/associated with a particular boatyard that would be an exception to the above. But if the marine repair facility has a good reputation they are most likely booked far into the future and can logically charge much more for their services.

If you need a particular type of work done by a professional, I suggest finding the professional first and then find out what boatyard they like to use if they don't have one attached to them already.

But really, the whole idea of cruising with your own boat is to go places away from where you live which means that must likely there will not be any "professionals" and facilities around and you will have to do the repairs yourself. Even with chartering, you can lose a day or two of your charter time waiting for somebody from the charter base to come out to you to fix that whatever problem. If you can fix it yourself, you can avoid wasting all that time and get on with your cruising experience.

Same and more so with your own boat, the cost of repairs should not be more than the cost of the parts with you providing the labor and brains and personal interest in getting the job done correctly. There are untold numbers of good books on how to do just about any kind of boat repair. So get them, read them, learn from watching other cruisers or have them monitor or give suggestions on how to do the repairs - but learn to do them yourself.

Typically, a boatyard might charge $100/foot or more for a bottom paint job with the cheapest bottom paint - that you can surely do yourself with 2 or 3 gallons of the best bottom paint for under $1,000. And if you ask around the boatyard other cruisers might have "connections" and get you the bottom paint wholesale and cut the cost in half.

[SV THIRD DAY]

"Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dream"

Or could it be better worded...

"Husbond fails to envolve wife in Cruising Dreams"

So there I was working the boat show boooth...can't remember which one....but the wife was wanting a water maker to take showers and be more comfortable. Looking at her outfit, hair, and make-up it was obvious that this landy wasn't going to like "camping". As she was asking questions about the water maker, the husbond bursts into the conversation saying, "water maker, that's crazy, we will take a shower once a week with a Hudson Sprayer. Come on dear, lets go look at spear guns". Another cruising couple in the booth looked at me and said..."That cruise dream is over before it even starts and the poor slob doesn't even know it yet".

Now you certaily don't need a water maker, refrigeration or hell even an engine on a boat to go cruising, that's not the point I'm making. I've just seen so many guys out there completely oblivous to the FACT that if their Wife is not happy...the Cruise will either not happen or will end early.

Of course daily showers will increase your odds of "romantic activity" by the following equation:

Frequency of shipboard romance = GPH of water maker/ambient temp)*(Length of boat/Number of Crew and guests of kids aboard)

Higher the number....better your odds.....
My number comes in at 8.333 and anything under 3 my friends and you had better just Sail to a monastery!

[boatman61]

Well... so far must be at least 180 ways to leave your lover...

[BandB]

While DIY is the best way for many, it's decidedly not for some of us. We have neither the skills nor the interest plus in the same amount of time it would take us we could earn enough other ways to pay for it.

Personally, we use a very reputable yard and have been extremely pleased with them in all ways.

Not arguing with those of you who go another way, just stating that there is more than one way to do it.