Dealing with parents disagreement

[NorthernMac]

Originally Posted by Andrada_123

I lived with them until I was 18. After that only visiting. Lived in the dorms for 4 (which I paid for myself) then moved with my boyfriend and we lived together ever since. All of this happening 100km away from my hometown. Everything was good until I started to take decisions on my own, because I realized that I don't need approval from my parents everytime I want to cross the road. Some people here (people from the other side of the Earth, literally) said that they are spoiled, some of my friends said that too.
I don't want to fight and mess things up with them. I was suggested to make them watch movies and YouTube channels. That's what I'm going to do next time we meet.

And I'm very grateful for all the answers and opinions. Thank you all

Huh, ok

Do you have a history of making poor choices?

[Andrada_123]

Originally Posted by NorthernMac

Huh, ok

Do you have a history of making poor choices?

In my opinion, no.
In their eyes : the boyfriend that introduced me to this idea.

[fivecapes]

If you decide to take the road less travelled by, make sure you have an exit strategy (a backup plan and a strict time table that you will adhere to, both of which you will share with your parents).

[NorthernMac]

Originally Posted by Andrada_123

In my opinion, no.
In their eyes : the boyfriend that introduced me to this idea.

In that case don’t worry about it and do your thing.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by Andrada_123

Regarding our age: I am 25 (and working in graphic design) and he's 30 (an AutoCAD draftsman and CNC operating man). I left home for college when I was 18 and supported myself by scholarship (80% of the time). Buying the boat doesn't cost my parents or his any money. Basically I wanted them to be part of my journey, they don't have to contribute with anything, just good thoughts.

Everytime something didn't gone as we (my mom and I) said initially, she was throwing a tantrum on me " I don't thing you are going to keep your word, I don't trust you". The example is that I pushed back my licence exam for 3 months because my presentation wasn't looking the way I wanted and I wanted a litter more time to look even better. All this time she said to me "I don't think you are going to take your licence in fall. You are fooling me" and when I took my exam and said to her what she said all this time; her answer was "oh c'mon I was just saying.. It wasn't true". ( A little inside on our relationship).

And about the boyfriend, we have been living together for 2 years, the primary reason she doesn't like him (said 5 min after she meet him for the first time) because he didn't finished college, and somehow in her mind she thinks he is going to leave me in Croatia (that's where the boat is located and we want to go there to see and buy it). it gives me 404 error because I can't understand where this idea of me being left there came from.

Doesn't sound like the idea of living on the boat is the main issue. It's just the latest issue or an easy one to argue against.

I would still love to hear what she has to say. Hearing both sides will give us a much better idea of the real relationship (not that you have to air your dirty laundry for us).

[NorthCoastJoe]

I am late to this party. I spent a year when I was 19 living on a motorcycle traveling the USA & Canada. Everything I owned fit on the motorcycle, big full dressed Gold Wing. I got mechanic jobs when I needed money.

When I was 25 I met a guy that had worked for IBM all his life with loads of overtime so he could retire at 50 and spend all his time waterskiing. He was 52 and in a wheelchair when I met him, MS had destroyed his plans. He often said to me don't do what I did... DO IT ALL ...while you can.

I have lived by his words, I have had a lot of adventures. Sometimes, finding the edge of survival, but I would not change that for anything. My comfort zones are out there by most people's standards. Do what you feel comfortable with and you can always find work. It might not be the fanciest of jobs but there is always work if you want it.

I raised my daughter to do anything she ever wanted to do. Her skills and ability to handle situations have never worried me, I trust she will make the right choices. Most important I support her choices just like my parents supported my choice to live for a year traveling on a motorcycle.

Your English is great, have fun.

[gamayun]

Reading a bit more of your responses, Andrada, I really believe "you got this." It sounds to me as if your mother is doing all the things that people do to push a loved one away. That is exactly the opposite of what she probably is hoping to achieve, but she will likely never see this about herself. The other thing it sounds as if she's trying to create doubt -- doubt in yourself, doubt in your plans, doubt in your success. Don't let this happen. If she wants to argue her points, tell her (nicely) it's no longer a topic you wish to discuss. I doubt there's anything you will ever say or do that will change her mind. It's painful, but sometimes it's important to maintain distance from those who try to control others because they're worriers.

[smbdyiam2]

When I went into service ,I found I got along better with "ALL" my relatives when they were 500 miles away. No one telling me how I should live. Went back to "visit' often. When ever the talk turned to how I should live I would say ""time to go see you soon. " 60 years later no regrets. I lived my life not what someone wanted me to live. My neighbor just told me that was a good rule '500" miles apart. he just cut ties with bothers and sisters. folks died couple years ago.

[MicHughV]

when I first told my dad I wanted to build my own sailboat, he scoffed at me, told me plain to my face..." you don't have the skills to hold a hammer, let alone build a boat"..

his famous phrase to me" you can't build anything because you have two left hands"

As my boat build progressed, he would tell me " you don't have the knowledge to complete that boat"...

When I launched my boat, I was told by him " you don't have the skills to sail that thing"

Setting off on my voyage, I sent him a photo of my boat sailing away on the ocean, taken by another sailor, on the bottom I had written "this boat successfully sailing around the world by a person with two left hands"

In later years, I went to visit him and was surprised to see that photo, framed and hanging in his bedroom..

Hope this tale keeps the fires burning....

[markiobe]

Sorry for being blunt, but it’s your life, not theirs.

By all means listen to their advice (although how much it’s worth is an open question) but the reality is that at some point parents need to understand that you’re not children anymore. Quite why anyone would make decisions about their life because of what their parents think rather than what they think is astonishing to me.

Inform yourselves, explain to them, listen politely to their point of view and then decide. If you still want to do it then get on with it and they’ll just have to accept it.

Unless of course they’ll cut you off from the multi-million inheritance 😂

[fatherchronica]

When you get away and are living among like minded people and exploring the world you will barely remember to write home and wonder why you did not run away at age 13 on a log raft.

[Shrew]

Based on the brief description of your mother, you will never win her over......to anything. I suspect that she thinks she is acting in your best interest, however it sounds borderline toxic. Admittedly, there may be a much deeper and richer relationship than you have conveyed.

My sincerest apologies.

[MicHughV]

true...after I left to go cruising, it was years before I contacted my family again, interestingly, I flew home several years later, and I noted that all my friends that I had left behind, had married the girl next door, had their requisite 3 children and were all working at some dead end job. We were a million miles apart, as they could simply not comprehend all the places I had been too and the things I had done.To this day, my best friends are those I met on the water somewhere.

[Al B]

SOUNDS GREAT
AT 73 I WANT TOO DO THE SAME ,
IS THERE ANY UTOPIA TOO ESCAPE TOO ANYMORE ?

[MicHughV]

once you are 10-15 miles offshore you generally can't see land anymore. Whether you are 15 miles offshore or 1,500 miles, makes little difference...the ocean is your utopia..