All such insightful replies. I Thank You!
At this point I feel completely indulgent having posted this in the first place, but I needed to call back to my touchstone, and at this point in space that is you all! So thanks again.
I grew up in Annapolis
...and while some may say that is the South, to my Dad's relatives from Texas
I was always a 'Yankee'. My Dad included me in projects he was doing if I showed interest. My Mom is a very independent woman especially having to work and put a good majority of the food
on the table after my parent's split.
My Mom actually dated many men
who owned sailboats and raced in the beginning of dating she did. She also went out and bought a 17 foot boat called a 'Bluenose' and we went sailing together after she took a J-World course.
So my family
life was not comprised of necessarily conventional roles.
I was raised an only child. My Dad had another child with my StepMom but my brother was not born until I was 16 and I did not grow up with him and only lived with my Dad half of my summers and alternating holidays.
I think my Mom is petrified of losing me. She has had a lot of loss in her Life. Significant family
and loves of her life have died way too young, and now I feel like she feels I am all that she has. But this is too much for me to carry, since I have been carrying this feeling since I was 10.
Ok, enough digression into my personal life.
Zeehag, I love your posts! Don't worry the High Heels were thrown off a long time ago. That is why I chose the name for the forum because the only High Heels I like are heeling on the boat. I wear them as infrequently as I possibly can.
And, michaeldsusa - that is what I was eluding to in my original post...No one has been giving my Husband this kind of grief. Of course, no one gives him grief at all, because he is just not open to it. Well, his sister did give him grief, and me some, until I reminded her that she has been a police officer since she was 21 years old, and I worry about her all the time...
SailNautilus, Thank you for your perspective! Very impressive list of achievements there. I appreciate you sharing your insight with me. As well, Thank You for reminding me that the cruising community is not unlike the real world...and that any hangups I have now, will be there on the water
too, that is inspiration to keep evolving and not get lazy in pushing myself to seek new awareness.
speakeasy, all good points...
It is just rough when one of the most important relationships in my Life is being tested, but the other person is not being transparent. I am trying to just let go.
I just feel like this is a huge reclamation of that which brings me Joy. That is what I am going to focus on.