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Old 20-04-2017, 17:29   #1
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Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Hey! Ok, I'm trying to get my wife to be a little more excited about sailing. She's not quite as enthusiastic about the thought of going out on the open sea and cruising for a week or two. I think she gets a little frustrated with my teaching style and shuts down lol. Maybe I'm not the most patient of teachers, I don't know. Anyway, instead of trading her in on a newer model, I thought I might try something else. I'm thinking about signing is up for one of the live-aboard coastal cruising/bareboat chartering classes that's offered. But would like to make a vacation out of it somewhere nice. Hoping for some recommendations.

Thanks!
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Old 20-04-2017, 18:15   #2
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Stop trying to teach and just go sailing
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Old 20-04-2017, 19:03   #3
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Stop trying to teach and have her enroll in a women's sailing course.
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Old 20-04-2017, 19:27   #4
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

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Originally Posted by SeaRags View Post
Hey! Ok, I'm trying to get my wife to be a little more excited about sailing. She's not quite as enthusiastic about the thought of going out on the open sea and cruising for a week or two. I think she gets a little frustrated with my teaching style and shuts down lol. Maybe I'm not the most patient of teachers, I don't know. Anyway, instead of trading her in on a newer model, I thought I might try something else. I'm thinking about signing is up for one of the live-aboard coastal cruising/bareboat chartering classes that's offered. But would like to make a vacation out of it somewhere nice. Hoping for some recommendations.

Thanks!
"Liveaboard classes"??? Are there classes now? Really? I didn't know that.
Man, this "liveaboard" thing is really turning into a full-blown business.
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Old 20-04-2017, 21:17   #5
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

SeaRags, there are some crewed charter teaching holidays I've read about in the Caribbean, but it's not really the right season, and the tropical lows have started developing early this year, which could impact your vacation plans.

That said, most of the sailing instructors here on CF prefer to separate husbands and wives for instruction purposes: it makes better sailors of both. Speaking as a woman, and not suggesting you did this, either, but, if someone takes her out and makes her cold, wet, and miserable, and then shouts at her, she is unlikely to think of sailing as fun.

Whereas, if she comes to it with a solid skill base of her own, and you are willing to share, [see carstenb's recent thread about something like, "So You Want Your Wife to Like to Sail?" --do a CF Google Custom Search], her chances of having fun will really increase.

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Old 20-04-2017, 23:59   #6
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

If you are interested in an instructional vacation, send me a PM. I bring over 30 years of living aboard to the mix, and teach for certification (ASA 101,103,104,105,106,114) or simply for experience, aboard a very comfortable Leopard 45 catamaran in the BVI. I teach many couples..sort of specialize in it. I think I could probably help you guys.

We don't usually get bad weather in the Eastern Caribbean until late July or August, and it's been fine this year, so I doubt it will be any different. Western Caribbean, Gulf of Mexico, Florida and the Bahamas have a considerably longer hurricane season than we do.

Cheers, Tim
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Old 21-04-2017, 00:18   #7
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

These folks come highly recommended and have been in the game a long time- http://www.mahina.com/

To my mind if you and your wife are serious about a cruising future this will give you as good a chance as you are likely to get of assessing whether your dream has a hope of reality.

If you really want to try something that is 'out there' these people offer an amazing experience Expedition Sail - Remote Cruising Training

Best of luck- I hope you can both create an acceptable reality for yourselves.
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Old 21-04-2017, 00:27   #8
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

I've done a lot of teaching, including quite a number of women. Both day sailing/cruising classes, & racing at the highest levels. And if it ain't obvious, women learn differently, & you need to adjust things for this. But yeah, as has been stated, she needs to learn to sail in a class seperate from you, & most likely without any men around.
There's a huge amount of info on the topic in this thread Gender parity in sailing

Yes, the "overreacting" thing when yelling ensues, even if it's called for, is BS (& I know, that ain't a PC statement - DEAL With It). So given said response to yelling, & other things, you have to learn to change how you do things. Which again is addressed in the linked thread.
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Old 21-04-2017, 03:03   #9
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

I actually have the opposite problem. My new partner loves to be on the boat and out on the water. She really bought into my dream to cast off in a couple of years.

So all good on that front. My problem is that she doesn't want to do a training but she wants me to train her, because she trusts me Her words, not mine.

Why I feel it's a bad idea?
  • When she gets into a bit of trouble, I tend to stop thinking, put on my shiny armour, mount my white horse and gallop all over the bloody deck to save her . It has nothing to do with me thinking her being the weaker sex, but because I love her. So in order to teach/train her, I need to change my behaviour. This is something I'm trying to do, but in the more stressy moments I tend to revert back.
  • I'm convinced that for this to work we need to be equal partners. By assuming the role of instructor all the time the risk is that this will not happen.
  • I believe that being trained together with other women and preferably by a woman will give her a huge confidence boost and should break through any subconscious ideas that women cannot do this..

Bit of a background, I used to be a teacher and a trainer before I went over to the dark side and became a manager. I don't yell at all and if something goes wrong I sit down afterwards to discuss why it happened and what we can do to avoid it in the future. If it's something new I do explain what needs to be done, how to best do it (IMO) and what to be careful for.

BTW; I read the other thread and loved Uncivilised post. And talking about Gender Equality when I read this article and came across this sentence "Maiden was among 22 boats which started the race from Southampton with a crew of 12 swim-suit wearing yachtswomen."
my first thought was "What the F@ck!" Yes I know it's the DailyMail, famous for it's sexist, xenophobic and racist slant. But still
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Old 21-04-2017, 06:17   #10
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Becoming your wife's teacher can and sometimes does lead to sailing no longer being part of your life, or depending on which lady is more important to you end in divorce.


I never recommend teaching your wife or girlfriend to sail...I ALWAYS recommend you send them to sailing school for 2 very good reasons. One it prevents conflict between you and she, her confidence in her sailing abilities will be greater because her skills will have been developed independently of you.


If you teach her to sail, she will always have that dependency on you or a feeling of subordination to you, and that's not fair to either one of you.


When I wanted my girlfriend to learn how to sail, I sent us both so that she was being taught by an independent teacher, but we were going together as an activity which made it more fun.
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Old 21-04-2017, 06:46   #11
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Thank you Ann, all good advice. I understand why they would want to separate the husbands and wives. It's tough as a husband to keep quiet in these circumstances. We can tend to get protective or try to be "helpful". But I think I could keep my mouth shut
I will look for that thread. Thanks.
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Old 21-04-2017, 06:51   #12
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate View Post
That said, most of the sailing instructors here on CF prefer to separate husbands and wives for instruction purposes: it makes better sailors of both. Speaking as a woman, and not suggesting you did this, either, but, if someone takes her out and makes her cold, wet, and miserable, and then shouts at her, she is unlikely to think of sailing as fun.


Ann
I have taught many couples, and families, to sail. The ideal situation is just the two of them so that they can learn together how to double-hand a boat.

Most folks who take lessons want both a a learning experience and a holiday. I provide both.
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Old 21-04-2017, 08:08   #13
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

I had a really good experience with the Santa Barbara ASA school a few years ago... thru 104 in a week. Several of the ASA schools allow you to stay on the boat during the classes ... cheaper than a hotel and a "full immersion" experience. Warning - YOU will need to study too 😉.... the side benefit is your wife will see your skills verified and increase her confidence in you, as well as getting you both to work together with a common language.
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Old 21-04-2017, 08:17   #14
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

I've taught a lot of classes and booked (managed) many more. I've seen it all including two couples (married) breaking up after a week learning cruise. Most couples seem to do fine.
Good suggestions above. Learning separately takes away from the vacation element somewhat.
I would suggest a crewed yacht (two passengers) in the BVI. I booked a boat named "Southwind" run by a couple but they no longer are active. Great success with chef onboard and not that much more expensive than most programs.
Very difficult to assess your needs without understanding your relationship. Only you can do that.
Good luck and have fun.
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Old 21-04-2017, 08:22   #15
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Thank you all for the great advice and links. I read the thread that Ann T. Cate referred to (link below). I think there is a stark difference between my wife and the writer of that thread. My wife has no desire to take an equal role in skippering the boat or making decisions. She is more traditional in that respect. But I do agree with the writers assessment that both parties need to know what to do in an emergency, which is one of my motivations for trying to teach her the basics. She does like being out in our boat, but couldn't care less about points of sail, man overboard recovery, when to tack, etc. I guess my thought was that if she could get in an environment where she could gain a greater appreciation of the freedom and enjoyment of cruising, then she could enthusiastically share my goals. But at this point, I think she is just doing it because she knows that I love to do it. Which, don't get me wrong, is part of what makes her amazing! But I would really like for her to enjoy it as much as me.

But, I'll have to put my plans on hold anyway. When I brought up the idea of a stay aboard sailing class for us, she quickly reminded me that I promised her a trip to Spain when we got married. It's been 5 years now and she's putting her foot down lol. No sailing trips until after she gets her Spain vacation.

Thanks again.

So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do About i
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