Keeping a Mate Happy Aboard

[hellosailor]

Lori-
"Just for the record, women have just as tough a"
Yes Dear.

(gd&r,vvf!)

[Knottygirlz]

Originally Posted by hellosailor

Yes Dear.

(gd&r,vvf!)

Hello,
Did you talk to Rick before posting that?? You managed to say the one thing that completely drives me crazy! As for the rest of it, I haven't got a clue what you meant by (gd&r,vvf!) I guess that proves my point about not understanding men sometimes!

Lori, Rick & Shadow

[hellosailor]

Lori-
Nope. Didn't talk to Rick at all.

gd&r is old old pre-internet BBS shorthand for "Grin, Duck, and RUN"
vvf adding "very very fast" because you're expecting to be slapped.<G>

Moms sum it up by saying "You have to know when to pick your battles". Men sum it up by saying "She Who Must Be Obeyed" in tribute to Rumpole of the Bailey.<G> And he'd never leave the missus, either!

[Knottygirlz]

Originally Posted by hellosailor

gd&r is old old pre-internet BBS shorthand for "Grin, Duck, and RUN"
vvf adding "very very fast" because you're expecting to be slapped.<G>

Ohhhhhhhh OK, gotcha! Thanks for enlightning me! Also very smart. Rick is always careful to utter those words when he is at a good distance, as well!

Lori, Rick and Shadow

[TX Sailor]

My wife of nearly 34 years likes all the things women like such as the special bottle of perfume and flowers, but she loves being on a boat, nearly any boat. We spend at least three nights a week on our little 22 ' boat and every weekend we can refiting our 26' boat for coastal cruising and maybe a trip across the gulf stream that we dream of. She can handle the boat and trim the sails as well as I can. She has a little daysailer that she loves to sail by herself and when she gets a little cocky and the mast hits the water she rights it by herself smiling like a kid. Did I mention that she is 53 years old?

She has done lots of different jobs but right now she is a working in the canvas shop at the marina where I am also working. She and a coworker make all the canvas for Valiant Yachts http://www.valiantsailboats.com/ as well as what ever around 600 slip customers want. If you have seen a Valiant built in the last two years Mary made at least some of the canvas and cushions on it.

I feel I have my partner for whatever we may get to do, I just wish we had been a little smarter money wise when we were younger so I could taker her cruising till she was either tired of it or too old which ever came first. But we will probably just get to make some shorter trips hense the small boat that we can trailer to areas we want to explore.

[Starbuck]

There are more things in this world than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.
Hamlet, Act I, scene v.

[cnj]

From a woman's perspective.....

Number 1 on the importance list - screaming and yelling are not allowed unless we're in immediate danger.

I don't agree that the significant other has to love sailing as much as you do. The cruising dream is my husband's, not mine, but I do want to travel, and I really don't care how I get there. By sailing, I'm bringing my house with me so I don't have to pack and unpack which I like.

We also tried a small cruise to see how I'd like it (5 weeks going from St Pete FL to Riverside RI and we stopped 4 times because of weather). I'm not going to say there weren't some scary moments but all in all I really enjoyed it.

If all goes well we'll be leaving this fall and take Joe's world cruise from dream to reality.

Oh, the flowers, perfume, jewelry route is hard to do when you're away from land but flattery works everywhere.

[Sandero]

My wife is not a sailor... has no interest in it. She does like to travel and having our home (boat) when we do travel is very comfortable... much more so than an impersonal hotel room for example. She liikes the idea that our boat is her home. I gave up on the idea of her falling in love with sailing... it is enough that she is comfortable on board, and helps out in the ways she is comfortable with... cooking, watch keeping.. cleaning.

We are week-ending these days so if the weather is bad she has no interest in being on the boat... and so I spend the time on board alone and she remains at home. She knows how much I love messing about with boats and gives me all the space I need... no jealousie there.

We intend to retire and live aboard in 5 or 10 years so she is perfectly OK with that. What more could I want?

Jef
sv Shiva
Contest 36s

[beau]

I met up with Alan Phillips who has just written a book about "around the world cruising" sailing crew wanted for cruising lifestyle.

We had dinner the other night and my parther Christine asked Alan about a comment he had made in his book about the best he has ever got out of a women in the cruising life is two years.
Well she tried to tell him, that "it just might just be his fault".

Anyway after many Rums, Alan assured me (much to the disgust of Christine) that I had nothing to worry about and that there was ALWAYS another one in the next port who was more than happy to come aboard and "play wife" for a while.

Christine assures me that "she is different" and that she will still be around for many many years.
Now I have really started to wonder, is that a good thig or a bad thing.

[rebel heart]

Don't date chicks who don't like sailing. It sucks, but sometimes it's just that simple. Also, there comes a time when you have to realize that the only commonality in your previous failed relationships is you.

[Benny]

When my wife was my girlfriend and shortly after we met, one night she fell asleep down below in the 25 foot mahogony cutter I was restoring with a palm sander still in her hand and covered in sawdust - I knew then I had met the right choice for a lifelong sailing mate - sometimes you are lucky

[hellosailor]

I don't know, Randy, it sounds like she fell asleep on the job.<VBG>

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by hellosailor

I don't know, Randy, it sounds like she fell asleep on the job.<VBG>

Notwithstanding, as Randy was keen to note, the operative words are on the job!
Sounds like you got a keeper.

[maxingout]

Too many times, sailing spouses are POB's. They are Prisoners of Boat and like other prisoners, they understandably want to escape.

Instead of a boat being a magic carpet to an interesting lifestyle and exciting destinations, it's a prison that keeps them from doing all the things they enjoy.

A happy cruising spouse tends to enjoy being outdoors and can hardly wait to arrive at the next destination for a land adventure. There has to be something in it for the cruising spouse, or they are nothing more than a POB.

For us to sail around the world, we had to have a catamaran because my wife didn't enjoy sailing on yachts that heel over. Having a catamaran and feeling safe at sea was 50% of the battle. The other half was not being a POB. That means when you arrive somewhere, there is a payoff. When you arrive in Israel, you tour the Holy Land and visit Petra. When you arrive in Egypt, you visit the Pyramids and take a Nile River cruise. When you are in Australia, you take a tour of the outback. If you are a POB and never go anywhere or see anything, trouble will be brewing big time and the cruise will be doomed to failure. Most spouses try hard to accomodate their more enthusiastic sailing mate, but still there must be a real pay off for them. With all the horse manure, there has to be a pony somewhere.

The long term world cruisers that I know don't suffer from the POB syndrome. When you add it all up, they cruise because the rewards far outweigh the discomforts and problems that happen along the way. I can count on a few fingers all of the cruising spouses that I know who like sailing offshore and making ocean passages.

On the other hand, I run out of fingers and toes when I count all the people who enjoy the thousands of places they visit as they sail around the world. Although they may not like making passages and crossing oceans, they are not a POB, and that's one of the reasons why they are out there year after year doing things they really enjoy.

[Boracay]

So, give that some have spouses (spice?) that are not totally enthusiastic about cruising, what sort of compromise have members come to, if any?