Keeping a Mate Happy Aboard

[Sandero]

My wife will never be a sailor.

That is fine with me. I singlehanded for 15 yrs before I met her including back and forth to the Caribbean a few times from New England. It would be nice to know that in a pinch she might be able to take over... but she doesn't want to do it. I stopped even suggesting she learn. We have lots of fun on the boat and intend to retire on it. Perhaps then she will decide to take it more seriously. Now it is a her home on the water. I am her skipper... and is a companion. She won't drive a car either.

I thought these things were essential for my partner. But I learned it is not. What is more important is her character and humanity. The rest is fine if you can get it. If I had to choose I would take someone of her character who can't drive the boat, over someone who can is not as fine a person as she is.

I like having the boat all to myself in a sense... I make all the decisions...

Does this make sense?

Makes sense to me. If my wife was not willing to sail it would certainly be an easy decision. Glad I do not have to make it. I must admit I have taken "passengers" on board, but never for any distance. That is just how I run my boat. If it work for you cool.

[S/V Elusive]

The bottom line for anyone is what they are or can be happy with. Fortunately, EVERYONE is different, has different requirements. Thankfully we are not all the same!

[N.M.I.ke]

Originally Posted by seagypsywoman

NMI - And can a man keep up this Tsunami of Lies for a long time? My guess is he'll either trip on his own tongue somewhere along the way or give up and look for an easier target.

As long as it takes, I suppose. Look, I'm not really talking about the outright lies, though we all must admit those sometimes occur, usually in a bar when looking for a meaningful overnight relationship. In those cases, you're lucky if you actually get their correct name.

Anyone who keeps the outright lies going for more than an evening... pretending to be rich, a doctor, single, whatever is a total psycho. Think about Scott Peterson or that guy who's wife ended up in the dump.

I'm talking more about the little lies and sins of omission. The, "oh, you like the theater? I love it too!" when in fact the guy couldn't tell the difference between Listerine and Lysistrada. "Of course I love cats." "Sailing? Adored it ever since I was a kid....."

Men (I suppose I should say"some men", because of course, none of the gentlemen here has EVER acted the cad...) will pretend to like lots of things women in general or the particular object of his immediate desire does.

How many times have you heard "You're not the man I married?" Same thing.

[PBzeer]

Not to put too fine a point on it, but "meaningful overnight relationship" sounds more like a rationalization, then a description. If all you want is a night in bed, say so.....then neither party expects more than that. Sex should be, a natural progression in a relationship, not the reason for it. Otherwise, it will eventually fall apart. In this world of instant gratification, romance seems to be a dying art.

But hey....what do I know? I'm just an old fuddy-duddy.

[Tropic Cat]

This is a trick question... right? Men have a hard enough time keeping women happy at home, why would cruising be any different?

Rick in Florida

[PBzeer]

As I sat here this evening, it occured to me, that while women have the option of changing their mind....rarely is it from no to yes. Almost always it is from yes to no. What does this matter in the grand scheme of life....I don't have a clue, but I think it is important.

[little boat]

men have accused me of loving thier boats more than them, and sometimes, its true, i had to wonder!
i think its funny that my singlehanding male friends don't seem to care at all if a woman knows how to sail..for about three months or so and then they suddenly start complaining!
as to the gifts: the most romantic gift i ever received was a big drum of brand new line to tie up in the mangroves during hurricane season..i was literally moved to tears.
i've met alot of unhappy couples cruising. really unhappy. it makes singlehanding seem awfully good. but when a couple is in love on thier boat its superb.
once, one night on a boat at anchor next to me, the wife ran into the cockpit screaming and with big shears she sliced the mainsail into ribbons!
the next morning i saw her sitting on the coachroof, sewing it back up.

[Alan Wheeler]

You are a rare breed liitle boat.

[Pblais]

once, one night on a boat at anchor next to me, the wife ran into the cockpit screaming and with big shears she sliced the mainsail into ribbons! The next morning i saw her sitting on the coachroof, sewing it back up.

Passion takes many forms.

[Sandero]

We have had enough landlubbers on board to know that they mayt be pleasant as company for a dinner in the city, but on the boat they become insufferable. It doesn't matter whether it is a male or female... people who do not "get it" about sailing are more of a burden than pleasant company. I am always concerned that they will do something foolish or even dangerous and find ourselves treating them like "guests on cusise ship".

However, sailors on board are a pleasure.. male or female. They appreciate the boat, the work done to make it as they see it... and the joy of sailing. And they help!

[hellosailor]

Rick, flowers aren't about flowers, they are about who YOU chose. If I want a dog, I have to feed and walk it, right? So, if you chose a woman who wants to be flowered...You'd better learn to pay attention to her wants and needs, including the flowers. If they just seem to be a waste of money to you, then you and her have different value systems and that's something that has to be addressed.
As someone said in Cool Hand Luke "What we have here is a failure in communication" and most of us just haven't been taught to communicate. AKA, "Never go to bed angry." <G>

Gord, are you telling me that when I wake the offwatch with fresh coffee and cut flowers and send 'em up into the cold and dark....I should pass out clean dry foulies instead of cut flowers?<VBG>

Yeah, cut flowers, big diamond rings, all these things are societal values and either you share 'em or you don't. Like religion and politics and I guess a good question for one of those "Cosmo" compatibility tests:

Cats or dogs?
Children?
Flowers?
Diamonds?
Houses or apartments?
Ergh...land or Sea?!

[markpj23]

Forgive me if I don't use that "walk and feed the dog" analogy on my mate. Although I like it....

sayeth the hair-lipped dog.. " mark, mark - mark!"

[hellosailor]

Mark-
Why's that? Is she a cat person?<VBG>

Or has she read Harlan Ellison, "A Boy and his Dog". ;-)

[Knottygirlz]

Originally Posted by rickm505

This is a trick question... right? Men have a hard enough time keeping women happy at home, why would cruising be any different?

Just for the record, women have just as tough a time figuring out how to keep a man happy as men have figuring out how to keep women happy. Men can (and do) change their minds and give out conflicting information or signals.

There was a song once that started "Keeping somebody happy is a question of give and take". It doesn't matter whether you are land-locked or cruising this is, in my opinion, a universal truth. Getting your own way all the time is just as unsatisfying as never getting your own way.

Humans are complicated....both sexes...that's kind of what makes life interesting

Lori, Rick and Shadow