Hello From a Newly Widowed Sailor

[Aquarella]

Originally Posted by tookish1

You might enjoy getting to know Jeanne Socrates on s/v Nereida who, after losing her sailing partner to cancer, is completing a non-stop circumnavigation. She is quite an inspiration. svnereida.com
Best wishes on this next phase of life

Thanks. Yes, she inspired me and strengthened my decision to take up the challenge. I won't be circumnavigating though, just sailing round in small circles to begin with.

[GaryMayo]

What percentage of the time you both sailed together, were you completely at ease with what was going on, and completely aware of the operations of the sailboat?

How often did you trade off duties, and you were captain of the sailboat?

Will you be taking on an emotional challenge, or is the whole picture the challenge?

You have nothing to prove, and nothing to gain by getting in over your head in situations you will not be comfortable in, or are not suited to task.

Sorry for your loss, however, he is within you already, not out to sea.

[Aquarella]

Many thanks to all of you for the very useful and sound advice. Although I thought I knew a lot and have had years of experience, the situation is different now in many ways. Your advice and kind thoughts are so warming and yet another proof of how sailors stick together.

[Aquarella]

Originally Posted by GaryMayo

What percentage of the time you both sailed together, were you completely at ease with what was going on, and completely aware of the operations of the sailboat?

How often did you trade off duties, and you were captain of the sailboat?

Will you be taking on an emotional challenge, or is the whole picture the challenge?

You have nothing to prove, and nothing to gain by getting in over your head in situations you will not be comfortable in, or are not suited to task.

Sorry for your loss, however, he is within you already, not out to sea.

I was always at ease because my husband was so competent ( former sea captain and marine pilot.) He always told me what he was doing and what I had to do.
He was always the captain, I was just the crew.
This will be a challenge in many ways.
I'm not trying to prove anything, this is just a way of getting on with my life. I cant bear the thought of selling the boat and spending my summers sitting in a garden chair knitting.

[JazzyO]

Can't really help you but I warmly wish you the best and hope that your new adventure will help you put the last two years in a good place. I think sailing on the boat you both loved so much will help to achieve that.

Best of luck, and stay safe.


Onno

[Craig Cape Town]

Hi,
You'll find a free download of tips and techniques here - www.sfbaysss.org/tipsbook written by one of the worlds most experienced single handers.
best of luck to you

[Celestialsailor]

Welcome to the forum and good luck with your endeavor. Many people on this forum with past and present personal struggles, including myself. As pointed out in some of the other posts, fear is the stumbling block to achieving your dreams. I will also add the word challenge should always be replaced with dream or at least opportunity.
You have a good boat. I have the HR Rasmus 35. Fair winds.

[tookish1]

Originally Posted by Aquarella

Thanks. Yes, she inspired me and strengthened my decision to take up the challenge. I won't be circumnavigating though, just sailing round in small circles to begin with.

Glad to see you are getting connected. Our family's first boat was an HR Monsun 31. Terrific boat that will treat you kindly.

Also, checked out your website - you have amazing talents. My wife is an aspiring water color artist and will definitely be getting your DVD/book.

Fair Winds,

Jon & Merry

[In Training]

You will be the next inspiration to all of us.

So many of the husbands pass first.

Of course, it won't be the same. Going to new places on the boat won't be as much fun when there isn't someone else there to share in the adventure. Sure beats sitting at home though -- by a long shot!

Just remember when you hit those low times that you wouldn't feel any different on land.

Good luck.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Aquarella

Any good tips anyone? What concerns me most is

1.Unwanted company,

Likely any problem will be from those you invite onboard rather than those who arrive unannounced. Just choose carefully, some folks can have strange ideas on reading "signals" from single females .

2 getting in and out of harbours/marinas without someone to fend off.

Same principle solo as you do with crew onboard - Find out what works for you on your boat and then practice. and sometimes that will simply involve not trying stuff you would with crew. and lots of fenders help .

No need to wait to learn / gain experiance until you actually need to dock - can play around and do as many dockings in an hour or a day as you feel like doing until your confidence is there. The "secret" is to understand that no one gets it right all the time, happiness is as much about how you cope with dissapointment as it is from acheiving perfection. With only a little bit of thought unlikely to get into situations where any real damage occurs (especially at 31 foot) - only damage to pride! and for that the cure is a Gallic Shrug . And also don't get hung up on the need for muscle - that is only needed to correct the mistakes of the helm (Skipper), useful now and again but not essential.

3. Picking up a buoy. Again, it's a practice thing - ask what others do and try things out for yourself, likely will need a variety of approaches (lol!) to cover a variety of circumstances.

4. Looking after the engine. Most of it is around simple maintanence, oil change etc (plus a bit of cleaning) and being able to spot small problems before they become big ones ($$$), that mostly around being familiar with the engine so you can spot when something is different - at which point you find someone to ask! (real life or online).....also useful to know how to bleed an engine - should be able to get another boat owner to talk you through that, including as you try it yourself.....just pick your teacher with care! (I would go for someone with same engine and has done own - rather than only knows the theory)

Hope that helps a bit.

[SkiprJohn]

Aloha and welcome aboard!
Sorry to read about your loss. I hope the forum helps with any questions you may have.
kind regards,

[Cormorant]

Elizabeth -- I'm so sorry for your loss, but I envy that you and Max had the 10 years of cruising that you did. I'll count myself lucky if my wife and I can do the same. Good luck in the days to come. And BTW, your paintings are incredible!

[shorebird]

Sorry for your loss. I do hope my wife would continue to sail after I'm gone, and I'm sure your husband would be very impressed with your determination to continue. I found it a lot easier to understand the engine by realizing its really just three simple (ish) systems:
A fuel system, a cooling system, and an exhaust system. All three work together, but for understanding the troubleshooting, maintainence, and repair, it may help to tackle each system one at a time. Little less intimidating. Good luck to you, and if you ever find yourself cruising in our area, dinner and drinks are on us at our little yacht club.
David

[Stu Jackson]

Sorry to hear.

Practice sure helps, for all of us.

Boat hooks are terrible for fending off, they're only good for picking lines up, if you use the right techniques.

Lots of good advice here.

Good luck.

[gettinthere]

Patience, plenty of it.
Don't be in a hurry to get tied up. If the wind or current is unfavorable, wait. Anchor off or motor around or go into irons and wait.