Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

[Kenomac]

I believe there are far more cruisers out there who split there time between Tera firma and agua time than there are full-time live aboard cruisers. "Nothing wrong with that," balance is good. For those who quit and sell the boat, most are probably just moving on to the next phase of the journey.

[robert sailor]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

I believe there are far more cruisers out there who split there time between Tera firma and agua time than there are full-time live aboard cruisers. "Nothing wrong with that," balance is good. For those who quit and sell the boat, most are probably just moving on to the next phase of the journey.

Tera Firma.....da more firmer da less terra

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by robert sailor

Tera Firma.....da more firmer da less terra

I guess you mean house and dock.

[capnmatt]

Originally Posted by markpierce

When small-boat ocean cruising becomes too much, there is the option of cruise ships such as the Queen Elizabeth here preparing to dock at the old cruise-ship terminal in San Francisco Feb. 7, 2015 (and escorted by a USCG cutter and tugs):

Only if I can be the captain .

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by capnmatt

Only if I can be the captain .

Screw that! Why would I want the hassle and stress, I want to be a guest

[chuckr]

Originally Posted by markpierce

When small-boat ocean cruising becomes too much, there is the option of cruise ships such as the Queen Elizabeth here preparing to dock at the old cruise-ship terminal in San Francisco Feb. 7, 2015 (and escorted by a USCG cutter and tugs):

Only if i can drive.

[redhead]

We are not offshore yet but are into the 8th month of getting ready to go. We are not young, not old, lucky enough to retire early, rented the house rather than sell, drove 3000 miles picked up the boat, and have been fixing her up since August. We "plan" to be ready to go this April.

Our hurdles:
Spending 24x7 together. Married 20 years and happy, but never spent more than a week together non-stop. No TV, no old friends, no escape; just each other.
We almost split up after the first month, but toughed it out and have become best friends again. I think a lot would have given up. It's very tough.

Lots of money going out. Scary amounts of money. None coming in. We hold on to the hope the flood of outgoing $$ will slow when the refit is done. I imagine many couples aren't lucky enough to have the resources.

As was mentioned, lots and lots of drinking going on everywhere there are boaters. I imagine the sheer physical effects will make many go home after a while.

As for us, we decided not to quit. This is both our dreams, but mostly mine. I meet many women who are just doing it to go along with a nice sounding life but don't have any fire in the belly, so when the going gets tough.... and it does get tough.

That said, my marriage is stronger for it. My knowledge and appreciation of boats and sailors is stronger. My love of the sea supports me. I ain't giving up yet. Talk to me next year - who know?

Much good luck to you.

[4music3]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

I would equate this to building an elaborate train set as or with your child. Building the train set and all the towns and detail that goes into it is fun and gets your imagination going. Once the train set is done....well now you're just watching it go around in circles.

I am no where near being able to cruise yet but I fear that if I do get there this may be my problem. I love to fix, prepare, install, tinker etc. I love sailing but I also have a need to be productive and creative from time to time. Hopefully I can find a balance.

My guess is it will keep you busy especially if you visit remote locals.

[Lepke]

I am 66 and I have spent much of my life on the water and live on a former USCG cutter. I could recite many stories of couples I knew that gave up the dream or each other, but most come down to no real understanding of the discomforts and difficulties of living on the water. Most buy a boat too small, but nicely finished when an older bigger vessel would have been more practical. And the others plan and attempt ocean voyages without any serious ocean experience. In spite of what may be said, the boating dream usually only belongs to one half of the couple. Living in less space than most motor homes and hauling groceries, laundry and showering over the toilet all takes it's toll.

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by k9medic

I'm not by any means suggesting that 68 (or 69) is too old, only that I can fully understand why some would not be up to the activity.

A few years back I met a guy in the Bahamas that left Miami on a 6 month trip that wound up taking 2.5 years since he and his wife were having so much fun cruising. He had just turned 80 but he looked as though he was in his 50's. He kept active both physically and mentally. He was the exception though.

A good friend of mine was very active up until he was 74. We were partners in an airplane together and he loved to fly. While traveling the countryside he wound up getting blood infection from a scratch on his leg. The infection got to his heart and he was lucky to survive. Now at 76 he just doesn't want to take the chance anymore.

FWIW, I too, had septicemia, following bilateral total knee revision surgery. The infection really knocked the stuffing out of me, too, and left me with a bunch of effects I don't like. I, however, was only 73 at the time. Age/infirmity (ies) can catch up to us. We'll deal with what may be the final eviction notice when the time comes, but for now, we are still making adjustments, and doing what we want to do.

I want to say that it many ways it is a success story y'all just read.

Problems I solved or learned to come to grips with, in no particular order:
1) got used to living 24/7 with Jim, and was not as hard as I feared: he's pretty easy going
2) got used to not having external validation (from work and associates and pay) --that was a biggy.
3) survived a few scary sailing situations
4) coped with a bunch of health issues
5) and Jim found ways handle all of that, too--good on ya, Jim, if you read this!

Ann

[jkindredpdx]

After 28 years of marriage I got a divorce, despite having no boat. We just grew apart and there were no kids left at home to hold us together. We chartered quite a few times over those 28 years, but I acquiesced to my wife's logic that owning a sailboat had a poor ROI.

Living in a river side condo a few months after our divorce it hit... " I always wanted a Sailboat". So I went out and found my dream. I live part time on the boat (my townhouse) and part time in a mountain cabin (the Ex's dream that I got in the divorce). I take off, sometimes solo and sometimes with my girlfriend, daughter, or a friend. So far no one has the freedom or desire to spend weeks on a boat which is fine with me... and my girlfriend and I don't have to breakup because I insist she live a life she doesn't want.

[CoupleLifesaver]

Originally Posted by jkindredpdx

After 28 years of marriage I got a divorce, despite having no boat. We just grew apart and there were no kids left at home to hold us together. We chartered quite a few times over those 28 years, but I acquiesced to my wife's logic that owning a sailboat had a poor ROI.

Living in a river side condo a few months after our divorce it hit... " I always wanted a Sailboat". So I went out and found my dream. I live part time on the boat (my townhouse) and part time in a mountain cabin (the Ex's dream that I got in the divorce). I take off, sometimes solo and sometimes with my girlfriend, daughter, or a friend. So far no one has the freedom or desire to spend weeks on a boat which is fine with me... and my girlfriend and I don't have to breakup because I insist she live a life she doesn't want.

I read the above, and can understand how the empty nesters can look at each other and think, our commitment is over, we raised the kids and grew apart, but it's hard to pin point when. I think sailing seems to appeal more to the males than the females (with some exceptions) that's why it's so hard to find girlfriends that can do the enduring thing for very long, but men love it, it's a plateau of freedom seldom found my that many! I think a sailboat should be seen as a "Man Cave" a place where men can think, and toil either alone or with a close male buddy, where they can do what they did as younger men or children, exert all of the survival skills they have as they face nature in any kind of weather, it's sort of a test of manhood, and when the calm after the storm comes, it's one of the greatest feelings of accomplishment one can find. I've been there, so I think I can speak with a little authority on the subject. It's not for everyone, but for those who like peace, after an arduous adventure, time to think and sort things about life out, this my friend is what it's all about!

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by CoupleLifesaver

......................
.................... I think sailing seems to appeal more to the males than the females (with some exceptions) that's why it's so hard to find girlfriends that can do the enduring thing for very long, but men love it, it's a plateau of freedom seldom found my that many! .........

Well, I've give you credit for mentioning, "with some exceptions" , but it's hard for me to see your logic when I'm trying to get a little time at the helm from my wife who is known for "pigging the wheel"! She's been doing this for 45 years. I don't suppose you have some secret to share that would give me a little more time at the helm!

[CoupleLifesaver]

Originally Posted by Hudson Force

Well, I've give you credit for mentioning, "with some exceptions" , but it's hard for me to see your logic when I'm trying to get a little time at the helm from my wife who is known for "pigging the wheel"! She's been doing this for 45 years. I don't suppose you have some secret to share that would give me a little more time at the helm!

Hats off to your wife, every man who loves sailing should have a mate like her! If she had gone to Annapolis, she'd most likely be an Admiral by now! I have no idea how you can get the wheel from her clutches, but once on a dock, I saw a man who was tending to his very large sailing yacht, it was one of those made in the orient, and noticed one docked right next to him that was identical, I found through conversation, that one was his and one was hers, lol (He owned a company that made the Bayer Asprin plastic bottles and a lot more pharmaceutical plastic containers, and they were obviously loaded, his yacht looked like a million bucks in the water, and so did hers, which was identical. That is the exception to the rule, but surely she couldn't sail his while she had her hands full with hers. lol Just like a pair of loaded Mercedes matching in the garage, only the liscense plates were different. . HIS & HERS, surely his wife was a lot like yours... wasn't going to play 1st Mate, Captain suited her even better!

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by Hudson Force

Well, I've give you credit for mentioning, "with some exceptions" , but it's hard for me to see your logic when I'm trying to get a little time at the helm from my wife who is known for "pigging the wheel"! She's been doing this for 45 years. I don't suppose you have some secret to share that would give me a little more time at the helm!

Hudson, ain't we lucky??!

Jim