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Old 18-02-2010, 15:57   #16
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Ok Grunzster, Here is my four cents worth.

I'll try to Keep from getting preachy and writting out a sermon.

My reasons for not seeking a wife are along the same lines as what Dutch and Grunzster have stated. The bible tells us that it is good for a man not to marry (1 corinthians 7:1) but then follows that by saying that each man should have a wife. Then if you Skip down to verses 27 and 28, That if you do not have a wife, not to seek one because those who marry will face many troubles in this life.

And again in Matthew 19:9-10,Jusus said "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Now we have to balance this with Proverbs 18:22 which says: He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
And proverbs 31:10, A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
There are more verses for both sides of this, but what all this means is you should not seek out a wife or husband, because you might marry for the wrong reasons. And you will end up with trouble and strife and probably a failed relationship.

How ever, If you find someone who you can not immagine your life without, then get married.

But don't go looking for a wife just because you do not want to be alone.

Being single has its advantages.

Scott.
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Old 18-02-2010, 16:09   #17
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Great posts! Hang in there RELEASEME! It will get better, keep to your dreams and GO.
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There is nothing like lying flat on your back on the deck, alone except for the helmsman aft at the wheel, silence except for the lapping of the sea against the side of the ship. At that time you can be equal to Ulysses and brother to him.
- Errol Flynn
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Old 18-02-2010, 17:29   #18
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Originally Posted by Morganministry View Post
Ok Grunzster, Here is my four cents worth.

I'll try to Keep from getting preachy and writting out a sermon.

My reasons for not seeking a wife are along the same lines as what Dutch and Grunzster have stated. The bible tells us that it is good for a man not to marry (1 corinthians 7:1) but then follows that by saying that each man should have a wife. Then if you Skip down to verses 27 and 28, That if you do not have a wife, not to seek one because those who marry will face many troubles in this life.

And again in Matthew 19:9-10,Jusus said "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Now we have to balance this with Proverbs 18:22 which says: He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
And proverbs 31:10, A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
There are more verses for both sides of this, but what all this means is you should not seek out a wife or husband, because you might marry for the wrong reasons. And you will end up with trouble and strife and probably a failed relationship.

How ever, If you find someone who you can not immagine your life without, then get married.

But don't go looking for a wife just because you do not want to be alone.

Being single has its advantages.

Scott.
WoW Scott , I think you failed in your "Trying not to Preach a Sermon!
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Old 18-02-2010, 17:54   #19
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Scott - Why not just search, but just be picky, and not settle and marry marry someone simply because you don't want to be alone?

Problem solved!
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Old 18-02-2010, 18:07   #20
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Facebook has been working like magic for me
Please explain.
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Old 18-02-2010, 18:12   #21
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I think keeping your eyes open is fine and searching in the vein of realizing you want to be with someone is natural. But all too often when actively searching we get ourselves into the intoxication of being with someone and don't nescessarily see the ways in which it isn't the right fit. And it fails because we have decieved ourselves and our partners. I say go for it. Search away. But try to be realistic about (each of) your needs. To even really know what they are takes a lot of (inward) looking. Esspecially at things like bitterness. (Sometimes we learn the most about ourselves by the pain). Just be careful of trying to fit yourself into a mold to get part of what you want in a relationship that leaves important parts unmet. Don't paint a picture to fit the situation, find a situation that fits the picture....
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Old 18-02-2010, 18:15   #22
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Hey guys,

What a great thread! Who ever said men don't know how to share their feelings? I think this thread put the lie to that stereotype!

I'm learning a lot!
Margo
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Old 18-02-2010, 19:16   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ram View Post
WoW Scott , I think you failed in your "Trying not to Preach a Sermon!
I thought I did pretty good Keeping it under a half our.



There is a difference between keeping your eyes open and activley searching. If a person is "seeking" they run the risk of taking the best prospect at the time and not waiting for the right match.


But getting back to the posters original question, What is the dating scene like while cruising? I haven't got a clue. But I think you will have a better chance of finding someone with your same interests.

Scott
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Old 18-02-2010, 19:58   #24
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Lots of good input from lots of good people. I'll just share that I live alone on a 41.5 foot sailboat. It's an older boat and after two months I've still got a lot to do. As Dutch points out, it's probably just as well it is just me at this point. As for sailing it alone, I just spent six hours in the wind and sun with the sails out and having the time of my life. I would have enjoyed have someone beside me smiling as big as I was but if your boat is set up right it isn't a big deal handling it by yourself. Back at the dock I had a beer and shot the breeze with half a dozen people all who were equally exhilerated from having a wonderful time doing something most people will never experience!
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Old 19-02-2010, 03:07   #25
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Please explain.
Sign up to face book and invite those you know as friends, then just post interesting things that youre doing on your wall with pictures/videos of whats happening in your life , and over time you will likely stir an interest in 1 or more of your friends= friends- thats what has happened to many many people, Face book is the new place to meet a mate, blog ect.- Folks are more likely to want to meet you if you have friends in common and may take notice of you thru your personal posts and pictures- example- I post about sailing in the Greek Islands, my grand kids and I organic gardening in South Florida, snorkeling, Yoga ect- last week- I mentioned on face book that I was going to a Rumi workshop at the Yoga center and a woman whom I never met but was a friend of a friend on face book also went to the work shop, and sat down next to me, she mentioned that she was a "friend" on face book and recognized me, said shes been following my posts and wanted to meet me and has always wanted to go sailing --so we hit it off in a friendly way ,I asked her to a party that was happening the following night and after a few times out with her shes not really what Im looking for, very nice, good looking- but no more than friends as far as I am concerned, and I told her this!! This has happened to me 3 times in the last 3 months, and these woman are very aggressive, they know what they want and dont take no for an answer, there used to getting what they want in life and they go for it, problem is I dont really have much time for them in my life right now, even as friends- Im spending my free time with my Grand Kids, (they have no real father in their life and they really need some direction) -somehow that makes these woman even more aggressive, at least temporary until they really get it that Im not really interested - 1 came over last night with her massage table and insisted on giving me a massage , I said no, but she insisted, I was not really wanting this because now I feel like I owe her something! SO get the Face book thing going ,It works in the back ground-- the important thing is get out and do what it is that you enjoy most in life now, the right woman will be there for you when you least expect it-We only have this moment were living in-so enjoy it -the universe ( or God for lack of a better word) will hear your needs if strong enough and bring whatever this need is to you, or a way to fulfill this need-all you have to do is recognize it and then act on it when it comes - - whatever your need is, whether it be money, boat or the woman of your dreams, you can have whatever you want/need in life if you know how to make it happen!
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Old 19-02-2010, 04:32   #26
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she mentioned that she was a "friend" on face book and recognized me, said she’s been following my posts and wanted to meet me and has always wanted to go sailing
So you've got a stalker? Cool

Finding a g/f different ball game to finding a wife - the trick is not to marry a g/f, only marry a wife.

In OP's shoes I wouldn't be hiding my intentions, simply bigging up an "exotic" endless vacation lifestyle around the Caribbean, if you find one who can cope with and likes the reality then you may be enroute to the wife thing. or not
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Old 19-02-2010, 04:43   #27
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So what do you see the difference is between a gf and a wife David?
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Old 19-02-2010, 04:48   #28
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Hang in there. I did things a bit backwards from most here. I was married for 15 years. When my marrage broke down I took that as an oppertunity to pursue what I allways wanted to do. Sailing.

I moved close tot he water and finally bought a boat. I bought one that would be easy to single hand sail. While I was dating I got real lucky and have been dating a girl for a couple months that LOVES sailing. She was going to buy a boat as well. She is from the coast and is planning on getting her captains license this year.

My point is, that there is hope. Just don't sell yourself short. My friends all said I was too picky, but I knew what type of girl I wanted and waited until I found her. I was single for over 3 years.
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Old 19-02-2010, 07:31   #29
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I read the news yesterday and found that some place a man has 24 wife's and over 40 kids.

I know this may sound sexest but the first thing that came to mind was why on earth would a man want that many females, I know in my life just having one at a time it was a full time job to keep her happy and you add the one week a month that I call the week of hell. If I was him I would buy a boat get fixed and sail away.

To be fair I do know not all men are a game at the ball park to live with either. In all relationships there will be ups and downs.

I really do feel like your boat is your mate and should come first if sailing is your dream.

I would like to ask what is it that makes you think you need a mate?

Sex?
companionship?
a person to take care of you?
do you feel the need to have someone in your life that you must care for?
Do you feel that to be a real man you must have a woman at your side?

There is a driving point to every mans actions and one of the above normaly come into play. but you can find them all without having a full time G/F or wife.

Have you every heard about sailors in the navy they have a different girl in every port.

\I can not tell you how easy it is to pull your boat into a port go into a town and find a woman.

If it is from being lonely get a cat/dog.

In the past I had a problem that I felt I had to be loved, and for a time I did not really know what love was, I thought if I met a woman and we had sex then she loved me. I used AOL to meet them and trust me I met alot it was not until I was over 40 and looked back on my life that I seen I made alot of mistakes. I jump into relationships even though all sign from the start showed they would fail.

I tried something new (honesty) for a long time I stayed single and lonely but then I started to meet a different type of woman, I would date mostly one night stands, but I really felt like my life was better.

When I got my boat I thought I needed to meet a woman from another country to travel with me and spend the rest of my life with. But I laso knew I just got into a relationship with my boat. so I took my time and finialy met my wife. I do admit it is not working out the way I had planned but in any relationship it is a give and take thing. I really do not think the marriage will last at this point but I still try, I guess I am just a loner.

I just fear that you will take the first girl that comes along that is atracted to the thought of sailing the 7 sea's and not the the right woman for you. I have met anumber of them.

I do hope you read and take in some of the information people have offered here because they have lived it, learn for others mistakes.

Dutch
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Old 19-02-2010, 08:37   #30
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The facebook thing makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately I'm tied to a dock and freezing my butt off on the Hudson right now...nothing all that interesting to post. Damn I need to get out of here!

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Sex?
companionship?
a person to take care of you?
do you feel the need to have someone in your life that you must care for?
Do you feel that to be a real man you must have a woman at your side?

There is a driving point to every mans actions and one of the above normaly come into play. but you can find them all without having a full time G/F or wife.
I'd add, just simply having someone to share the adventure with to that list.
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I just fear that you will take the first girl that comes along that is atracted to the thought of sailing the 7 sea's and not the the right woman for you. I have met anumber of them.
I wouldn't doubt that's a very common thing for men in our situation...and a BIG fear of mine. I'd rather stay single, than settle down with the wrong one, just to have it fall apart down the road.
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