Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

[wolfgal]

if i were a guy trying to get a girl to come cruising with me, i'd definitely cancel the cruise thing and set her up on a week-long competent crew course in greece or someplace sweet -- without you. if she likes it, propose a mile-builder and other classes in another place.

i'd invite her to visit very nice boats with sublime galleys and pullman berths and aft cabins. Boat shows are fun, but, if she likes the old boats like Hans Christians, then seek them out and take her.

I'd keep in mind that some women get less seasick when there is less of that sticky-plastic smell down below. Excellent air flow is necessary for some. Teak below helps and is cozy too.

I'd invite her to come for a sail on boats with very nice motion.

i'd let her sleep on the boat (spend as much time as possible on the boat) before sailing as this helps some avoid getting seasick.


Zee has an important point with the "my boat" / "our boat" thing:

If it is "our boat," then i'd wait and see if she fell in love with the boat before buying it. if it is "our boat" then she knows she's less likely to get left at the dock (a terrible feeling).

Yet, if I felt that I'd choose to cruise without her over staying a landlubber with her, then I would be very clear about it before buying the boat, and, in this case, it would be "my boat."

good luck!

[Hoosiersailor]

I'm sort of in the same boat... But my wife is warming up to the idea as well. I would highly suggest taking her on a bareboat charter. My wife had never slept on a boat before I took her to the BVI a few years ago. The first charter, it was just her and I. Took her a couple of days but after that she loved it. That was just a 32' Bene. The 2nd charter we took two other couples with us and chartered a 44' Leopard and yes, I may have to get a second or third job now too.

Just take it slow and make her comfortable. The first charter, I motored a lot more than I would have liked but it kept the boat from heeling a lot. The 2nd charter we sailed a lot more but that was a flat footed cat. I let her drive and I picked up the moorings (it was her choice). You should have seen her face after we left the charter base, motored over to Cooper Island and she drove right up to the first mooring and we picked it up the first time! She was very happy with herself and from then on she had more confidence which continues to grow.

[Mutt]

Let your better half choose your boat and let her job be steering the boat while you adjust the sails. The best way to get her to buy in is to let her do it.

[Juho]

I note that your schedule is rather tight. It sounds a bit like getting as many nautical miles as possible, in whatever the weather happens to be. A typical female might like more spending nice evenings in a nice boat, in a nice marina or anchorage, maybe eating something nice with friends.

You say that you love the thrill of exploring. Does your wife have same priorities? If not, you should focus on spending >50% of the time in some other activities that she loves.

Typically women see the boat as one kind of a home. They are interested in the interior, and its beauty and practicality. Safety and stability (heavy cruiser rather than a light racer, maybe a catamaran) are also often high on the preference list. When you buy or rent a boat, let your wife decide which boat model you will take.

[thebootlegger]

If your wife goes on facebook there is a great group called women who sail. The group is only open to women...there are all levels of experience there...also there are women there that weren't too keen on the idea at first. It is a wonderful group. There are female captains in the group that have sailing lessons and boating classes designed for us. Talking to some of these ladies might help. The key might be go slow, have fun, incorporate things that she likes to do. Good luck.

[chris mac]

We did a week liveaboard last year in the gulf islands doing comp crew and day skipper. We were the only students with the husband/wife team, instructors.
It worked great. He spent extra time with me, teaching beyond the course since I was so eager:-)
She worked with my wife focused on the aspects that were important to her.
It really made a difference. Other courses we looked at were more curriculum focused. Stay away from those, sailing needs to be fun, not stressful and "work"
Being able to go ashore to explore was her favorite part. We are hoping to go back this spring and charter for ourselves.
Make sure to incorporate her dreams in the plan.
Good luck and good winds to you;-)

[onavegador]

If you try to sail the program you posted you will end as singlehander or have to search for an other campanion later.
Good luck.
James

[hamburking]

My wife was reluctant too...so I bought a hunter legend 35.5 complete with autohelm, walk thru transom, A/C, a real shower below, and an actually comfortable bed in the aft cabin. She enjoyed being on that boat. The smaller boats that followed were less fun for her, but I still planned on retiring to the Caribbean, like you. When she told me to sell our most recent boat, I thought we were preparing to buy the retirement boat...but I was wrong. I sold the boat, she took the money and left me. Now I have no boat, no money, and no wife. If it weren't so sad it would be hilarious.

[Motif]

I have a similar very reluctant wife. She can't see why we should swap a beautiful, large, comfortable home that doesn't rock backward and forward and side to side for a much smaller home that does.
There is a book called 'Changing Course' by Deb. Cantrell (available on Kindle) and the whole book is dedicated to helping get your wife on the water. I have read it but my lovely wife doesn't want to.
So good luck with your quest.

[baycruiser]

choices, directions .compromises I just do what I want so I am basically single but when she is with me she loves it cant get rid of her you can only follow your own bliss hers was probably work house family she did so you just need bigger balls

[Redpcx]

Buy a cruising boat NOW. make it an older one too small for a live aboard.
But big enough for a week aboard. Spend a year or two cruising the Chesapeake, part time. Save Save Save. After a while, you both will have had a sample. Either your dream will change, or she will grow to enjoy it.

Sell that boat, probably for what you paid for it. You will have a better idea of what it means to always have your house with you, and maintenance.

And you will see your ideal boat, tucked in an anchorage, somewhere.

[a64pilot]

OK I have not read most of the posts, but this is my opinion.
Do not try to teach her how to sail or any of that stuff now, in fact make her ask or just don't at all.
What you really need to do is charter something , it doesn't have to be a Cat, but take her on a second Honeymoon in the boat, boat doesn't ever have to move really, just make sure she gets to go out to eat at nice places and do whatever it is that pleases her, just being on the boat at night after having a wonderful day will have her having fond memories of that time you spent on the boat and that is all that matters, you can get into the sailing, riding around in the boat or whatever later, but you must first get her having fond memories of a boat.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by btexpres85

I think that would certainly help but a CAT may be beyond my budget to try and retire this early....

Go for a cheaper cat...

[btexpres85]

Originally Posted by LNL

Hi, I am 53 now and this is the year we are becoming liveaboards. This started 4 years ago with a cruise I did not want to go on. During that cruise we did a catamaran day trip......that sold me! My husband has always wanted to sail around the world; but, I said no way! I get seasick on sailboats. He said he was going with or without me. We have been together since I was 18

On that catamaran we had a bumpy ride but I did not get seasick. The next year we did a week vacation on a catamaran out of Sint Maartin; again, I loved it! Then 2016 we did our ASA lessons on a catamaran in the Bahamas. Now we have sold most stuff we own and the house just got listed. We are hoping to cross the Atlantic this winter.

Oh right! in-between all that we went to boat shows and settled on a Lagoon 450S. Lots of good deals out there for Cats, you just have to do a lot of research. These were the steps that got me sold. Do not give up! Book that Catamaran day sail on one of the islands. It may just turn her like it did me!

Good luck and let me know how it goes!!

Thank you so much for the post - your process sounds so much like I envision ours (almost like a mirror) - except I wanted a sailboat but clearly the CAT is extremely appealing (and she has mentioned it) in many ways except cost. We have been together since we were 14 believe it or not (we did have some off time here and there until out of college). I love to hear how your journey continues and to see you guys on the water soon......thanks again for the hope

[Moody Mike]

My wife wasn't keen she had been to sea with me on trawlers in the Gulf of Carpentaria ( a nasty shallow sea) in the late 70's early 80's. She has been through a Cyclone at sea , been shipwrecked & hauled up the side of an oil tanker, survived 2 collisions on trawlers & lost everything on boats that sank twice. She has MS & not to good on her feet in rough weather these days but when she is on the helm i see that smile on her face. She loves it even if she complains a lot I know she wouldn't have it any other way.