Crew Available: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

[reprise]

Forget the wife. It sounds like it's over.

But your kids? Your kids need a dad, just as much as a mom. Don't leave them. Stay close. Be an important part of their lives.

When they're old enough, you can take them with you on your adventures.

But don't leave them now.

Your dreams were inexorably altered when you made the choice to have children. You indeed CAN have it all. Just not now, and not all at once.

Do the right thing, and stop thinking only about yourself. Your time will come.

[Azul]

It's sad but the quickest way to lose your wife or girlfriend is to not have a steady job and move in with her parents. Especially after already going through six years of financial deprivation related to getting an education. Men will usually be satisfied with a woman that provides a great home without a job, women not so much.

This will be a good time for you to figure out who you are. Some people are going to tell you to grovel, try to get her back, go to marriage counseling etc. Others will tell you to forget about her since she doesn't love you anymore, just try to keep a relationship with your children and start a new life without her.

Maybe you will get lucky and she will have a change of heart. This isn't the most likely outcome, the most likely thing is that she will get a divorce attorney by paying a 5k to 10k retainer and $250 an hour, funded by her parents. Next at a hearing you find you can only see your children for two days every other weekend if you have a suitable place for them to stay with you. Not likely she has a boyfriend after a short time in a new location. You have no money, not good. At least you haven't been thrown out of your own home, falsely accused of domestic violence, substance abuse or child abuse, saddled with enormous child support payments etc etc etc. That happens quite often, as our court system places husband and wife into an adversarial position.

A lot of guys start writing soulful poetry, short stories or diaries when they get their hearts broken. You will get over it.

You are relatively young, intelligent and educated. On the bright side you might eventually find this to be a liberating event, and if you decide to get married again the next one will be ten years younger on the average. Consider this a great opportunity for you to buy an old sailboat and fix it up, start a small business and learn some new fun and exciting skills. Good luck!

[zengirl]

Originally Posted by TimTrudel

Absolutely do not listen to the person saying to fight for her. If you had been the person making the mistakes and she left based on your failures then I might say fight to win her back. After hearing your story it sounds like she gave up on the marriage. Even if you get her back she has already shown her hand. If she gave up once she will do it again. Guaranteed! You will never know when either. You will be unhappy living like that. Just take it one day at a time. I know it hurts. Been there got the T-shirt. Time heals all wounds man. Keep active and make some friends. Oh and continue to look for sailing opportunities which is the best therapy you could ever ask for. Good Luck.

Totally agree.

[JBChicoine]

That is a nice bit of evocative writing! Whether you pair up with boat or not, keep writing—it's good therapy! And there is nothing quiet like creating an imaginary world to help you work through the woes of reality.

[Ishmael]

Originally Posted by cards26

Forget the geology, and write a novel.

[Rick Williams]

I have a rule about partners: if they don't want to be with me, if they can't accept and love me for who I am right now then they're not the right partner. If I'm willing to accept and love unconditionally then I believe I have the right to expect that from my partner/wife. All I want out of the relationship is equal to what I put in: love, loyalty etc.
And the guy who said don't rush it is right. You need to find out who you really are (again) and learn to enjoy and respect that person before anyone else can.
Good luck! Don't stop believing!

[Badsanta]

Stay close to your son. Even if you can't be there call, write, email whatever but stay in contact. He needs to know you care for him. She wouldn't give a straight answer when you asked if it was someone else. So she is cheating. Its not your fault no mater what she says. Don't talk bad about her to your son. He will figure her out and needs to know he can count on you, even if your not physically there. Stay calm and don't let her drag you down. The closer you get to the divorce Be prepared for her to push all your buttons hard. Do not react to this. She will try to prove you are mean, a stalker and untrustworthy. Don't fall for this. Just calmly maintain contact with your son. Play nice and let her show herself.
My attorney gave me the best advice. "It doesn't matter what you want. She doesn't have to have a reason. When you take the stand they will try and say anything to make you look bad. Be like a duck in rain and just let it flow off your back. Do not react to her" When I realized I had no control over her or this thing, life was alot easer. Love your kids and love yourself. Don't prove that your the bad guy, your not.

Sent from my SM-G860P using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[tdominic_97]

This reminds me of sensitive Elliot from Bedazzled.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5e1HG5Xkgk

[Azul]

Originally Posted by tdominic_97

This reminds me of sensitive Elliot from Bedazzled.

That movie was hysterical! The OP needs to do a little research on the laws of attraction, they are counterintuitive.

For now, maybe he should just do the opposite of whatever he thinks he should do, like George did in a Seinfeld episode.

[Christinedith]

Hi Jonathan
If interested, need crew from Tahiti departing 12 October, sailing to Pacific Islands and final destination New Zealand arriving early to mid November.
Contact Kees via email casevan@yahoo.co.nz

[GeoJon]

I honestly have no idea, like I said I was completely caught off guard. I need to find work obviously. I would like to find work that gets me closer to my dreams, IE geology related or getting experience on a boat or at least on the water. I am planning on grad school as well. It is difficult, everyday is a struggle. I have made looking for work a full time job, 8 in the morning to 5 or 6 at night. I don't know anyone in the area and I lack the resources to get out and network, so I have to limit my job hunt to the internet .I am going to give writing a shot, I am going to start a blog begining with the story I wrote on here and write about my loss, beginning anew while pushing forty, and following my dreams to become a geologist and living on a boat.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by Badsanta

Stay close to your son. Even if you can't be there call, write, email whatever but stay in contact. He needs to know you care for him. She wouldn't give a straight answer when you asked if it was someone else. So she is cheating. Its not your fault no mater what she says. Don't talk bad about her to your son. He will figure her out and needs to know he can count on you, even if your not physically there. Stay calm and don't let her drag you down. The closer you get to the divorce Be prepared for her to push all your buttons hard. Do not react to this. She will try to prove you are mean, a stalker and untrustworthy. Don't fall for this. Just calmly maintain contact with your son. Play nice and let her show herself.
My attorney gave me the best advice. "It doesn't matter what you want. She doesn't have to have a reason. When you take the stand they will try and say anything to make you look bad. Be like a duck in rain and just let it flow off your back. Do not react to her" When I realized I had no control over her or this thing, life was alot easer. Love your kids and love yourself. Don't prove that your the bad guy, your not.

Sent from my SM-G860P using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

From someone who had an ambush divorce, this is good advice.
There IS someone else, and she thinks he is wonderful, when she is with him, all the problems that you guys have aren't there, since it is a dating relationship they have no married problems like finance, the kid, a dirty house, having to live with her parents etc., you cannot compete with this.

But here is something my Father told me that I didn't understand at the time and didn't believe, but it came to pass.

When the Woman initiates the Divorce, she is holding all the cards, your thrown out of the house, she keeps the kids and gets a support order, you get nothing. I came home from Kuwait right after 911, and got met at the door with a laundry basket full of clothes and an envelope with a couple of hundred dollars in it, and was told the Police were on their way.

But, that will change, when the allegations of you being an abuser etc. go unfounded, things will begin to swing your way. Mr. wonderful will be found out to not be so wonderful after all, and she will most likely try to come back to you, then you have to decide if that is what you want or not, if you allow her back, things have to be different, she has proven that she can not be trusted, you need to protect your finances. Make sure she can't do that to you again.

DO NOT RUN, it won't be good for you if you do, you must see this out, do what BadSanta said