Spouse hates my boat

[zboss]

Originally Posted by Celestialsailor

If a vindictive divorce is on the way, it might be a good idea to sell the boat for $1 to a friend and buy it back forthe same after the dust settles.

Yea but do that now.

[ntscout]

Originally Posted by zboss

Yea but do that now.

Good advice if one wants to hide assets but not needed here since boat is not marital or community property. Better yet create a corporation to recieve the asset if it were community property.

[jongleur]

Rethink about no other hobbies. Boating, especially
sailing is not just one hobby. You are a woodworker,
metal worker, technologist, meteorologist, logician,
electrician, mathematician, What else? That's why I
love sailing. It challenges you on every level.

Now, can we drop the outdated, useless,
demeaning use of female terms for a boat? That
just feeds into situations like this.

[hasse_A]

Can't say my wife hates "our" boat but when we got our latest she made it very clear that there would be no such thing as blue water cruising,
even though the boat we got was cut out for it.
We've been a couple for nearly 40 years and have been married for over 30.
We have been sailing together since we meet and she knew I would love to
do exactly the thing she so clearly told me she would not.
During the years we have had our share of tough weather. Crossing the North Sea a couple of times. Once close hauled in 40 knots of wind.
There was some nasty words coming from her then. She was never frightened and luckily she is absolutely immune to seasickness. So am I.
Anyway, I never mentioned water sailing">blue water sailing again.
Then one day, a cold, dark snowy November day. She had had a crappy day at work and was pissed of, the first thing she said when
I got home was "When are we sailing of ?". Well I told her "Not tomorrow".
This was 3 years ago and I did my last day at work just before Christmas.
My wife will work another 3 months and were leaving in May.
When things get boring during for instance during an Atlantic crossing she wants me remind her of that November day.
We will give it 2 years and then have a review if we are to continue. If She (or I) wants to quit we will do so.

[Reefmagnet]

My son's wife is a control freak. She made him sell his fishing boat and then started on him about his car. He's now living temporarily at our place and she at her parents. Sometimes ya gotta know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em.

As for the boat, do what obviously quite a few others do and list it at twice the market rate and refuse to budge on price.

[monte]

Great stuff idylles, good advice for the OP. I'd suggest a career in relationship counciling after your done having a good time!

[Delancey]

Originally Posted by jongleur

Now, can we drop the outdated, useless,
demeaning use of female terms for a boat? That
just feeds into situations like this.

Interesting, I didn't know it was actually an insult to refer to a boat with female terms. I had always thought it was complementary, but then I like women so what do I know.

[wristwister]

Originally Posted by ntscout

Captain Bly - I had to laugh. She is just not cut out for the ocean even though she thought she was. She doesn't like crossing from Anacortes to Friday Harbor unless Rosario Strait is dead flat which means no wind ergo the slow going.

Wow Scout, we may have waved at each other while crossing Rosario strait with our pissed off wives! Heck, we might be on the same dock! Wife and I have done the Friday Harbor run a couple times, and as long as the motor is on, the sails are down, the sea is flat and the sun is shining she's OK. Change any of those variables and she wants off the boat.

[dohenyboy]

Well.. you have deeper problems than anyone of us here can solve, but, before you take a step you will regret, why not put the boat on the hard for 6 months. Tell your wife she is asking you to do something which is very hard for you. You need time to know for sure if you can do it.
Leave the boat there, do not devote one minute to it. If necessary have a trusted person look after it.
Never talk about your boat to her. Imagine it is completely out of your life. Better yet, don't let yourself think about it.
Don't even visit this forum.
Will she let you have ANY other outside activity? You could find out.
See is she is happier. See if you do more things together. See if you are just as happy or happier and your marriage is better.
Your wife will see you are making a sacrifice and either will respond, or not.
Then you will know.
You will have no regrets.
Yes counseling can help, but most counselors are not highly competent. Just like any other profession.

[dpddj]

I have an acquaintance who had a classic Corvette T-top for several years before he got married. Wife hated the car - we need the money, blah blah blah. He sold the car. Next year they were divorced. The car will never come back.
Just sayin'.
But like others have said, this is no place for marriage advice.

[Hud3]

ntscout,

Why don't you get your wife to read this thread. At least it might start an interesting discussion.

[FollowingCs]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

Seek counsling, professional not internet, sounds like a control issue to me? Maybe counselor can show her the boat is not competition

But is that really true?? Sounds like the boat may be true competition.

Gotta love internet advice from a bunch of guys bored at work, wishing we were out sailing ourselves..... but here goes mine:

1. Read 'Get Her On Board' and see how many things you violated. Sounds like almost all of them. This book has literally worked wonders for me. From 2 years ago when I got this idea, she thought it was just another crazy 'someday' hobby for me. To the point where I can't get her off the boats at the Annapolis boat show this year. With any luck, we are going to stay on a friend's Catamaran in Marathon sometime in Feb or March. That's progress. (Bitter cold Ohio winters helped also - thank you polar vortex and global cooling.)

2. Obviously, it sounds more serious than a simple book can solve. What if you take up golf, and golf every Saturday and Sunday morning with the guys, and play in a league Thursday night after work? Will she be mad at that? If so, seek professional help... either counseling or attorney... lol.

- Ray
~ Following C's ~

[kjdavie01]

"At 54, I think I am washed up on finding a more rational woman but i could find another boat."

Having divorced at 45, and remarried at 51 to a woman I can only call "perfect" in every good sense of the word (yes, she loves "my" - now "our", boat), I strongly doubt this is the case. I'm no counselor, but I see all the same red flags others have pointed out in this "ultimatum". It won't be the last one if history shows us anything. Good luck, my friend.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by Celestialsailor

If a vindictive divorce is on the way, it might be a good idea to sell the boat for $1 to a friend and buy it back forthe same after the dust settles.

Definitely an option worthy of "HEAVY" consideration. If she complains about not getting money for it, tell her you would rather see a friend use and care for it then a stranger abuse it.

Originally Posted by ntscout

Good advice if one wants to hide assets but not needed here since boat is not marital or community property. Better yet create a corporation to recieve the asset if it were community property.

Maybe but why risk it? Any good divorce lawyer or man hating judge can get that boat ruled as joint property and force a sale. Give it away to be safe.

On my end, my wife enjoys sailing on the lake and will eventually agree to move to the ocean once the kids are bigger but she does not love sailing the way I do. I want a much bigger boat to sail to Bermuda and the Carib. She wouldn't mind staying on the lake forever. Our comprimise will most likely be a slightly bigger boat on Narragansett bay.

She would love to get a big ranch and raise horses while teaching riding lessons and be fine with no or minimal boat. I like horses and being a ranch hand but do not love it the way she does. Our comprimise will most likely be leasing a horse or even buying one but boarding it on someone elses ranch. She may never get a ranch but will still be able to ride.

That is a comprimise of a marriage. I may never be able to sail off into the sunset but I will be able to sail and do what I love. She may never get a ranch but can still do what makes her happy.

In your case I would seriously ponder if you think it will last anyway. If it will only last with your bending to her every demand then that is not lasting thats surviving a hostage situation.

Good luck and happy sailing.

[George DuBose]

I also have a reluctant wife when it comes to sailing. She met me on my boat, she knows I have been sailing for over 40 years. I have gotten used to the fact that she isn't going to lift a finger to help, clean, paint or otherwise maintain THE boat.

Wife knows that there are three women that were in my life before her, my mother, my boat and my old time Volvo.

It is really important for a sailor to have a wife that either tolerates, enjoys boating or is prepared to keep the candle burning in the window.