Spouse hates my boat

[s/v Beth]

I wonder what would happen if you came home and said "Honey I am really going to miss you"
If she has to change you to live with you you will never be happy.
Have you presented ultimatums to her? This sounds like revenge to me. She is POed and it probably has nothing to do with the boat.

[ntscout]

Originally Posted by s/v Beth

I wonder what would happen if you came home and said "Honey I am really going to miss you"
If she has to change you to live with you you will never be happy.
Have you presented ultimatums to her? This sounds like revenge to me. She is POed and it probably has nothing to do with the boat.

Nope no revenge that I am aware of since I don't issue ultimatums. I suppose not being able to monitor a spouse 100% of the time could be a sticking point so maybe the lack of monitoring when I am offshore for a day or two is the problem?

[robert sailor]

Originally Posted by ntscout

At least in my case this boat was purchased, improved and maintained with sole and separate funds so i don't have to sell the boat in event of a divorce unless i want to even in a community property state. At 54, I think I am washed up on finding a more rational woman but i could find another boat.

Yikes, I believe we all act out our thoughts and this idea that at your age you are washed up in some way is not a good thought. Obviously common sense suggests working something out with your wife but I would ditch those negative thoughts.

[Julie Mor]

I can only relate in the area of how my dad and his wife were. He was Captain Bly, ready to take his boat anywhere. She did her best to be a good crew member. While she took the trek from Chicago, through the Great Lakes, down the ICW and spent a year cruising the Bahamas, her best moment was when the boat was beached and they had to tow it to Ft. Lauderdale.

There they met a sailor who had a neighbor looking to sell their house on a finger of the ICW and she never stepped foot on that boat again.

Some may see a dream quashed. Others could totally relate with her. Had my dad been a bit more flexible, who knows how long they would have cruised. Most likely, she was never meant for life aboard.

Communication is critical. And honesty comes as part of that. Set ego aside. Talk about fears, concerns, and hopes and dreams. And listen.

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by ntscout

At 54, I think I am washed up on finding a more rational woman

Plenty of rational women out there.... or so I have been told.

... and plenty that would love to go sailing......

54? I remember 54.... I think...

[ntscout]

Originally Posted by Julie Mor

I can only relate in the area of how my dad and his wife were. He was Captain Bly, ready to take his boat anywhere. She did her best to be a good crew member. While she took the trek from Chicago, through the Great Lakes, down the ICW and spent a year cruising the Bahamas, her best moment was when the boat was beached and they had to tow it to Ft. Lauderdale.

There they met a sailor who had a neighbor looking to sell their house on a finger of the ICW and she never stepped foot on that boat again.

Some may see a dream quashed. Others could totally relate with her. Had my dad been a bit more flexible, who knows how long they would have cruised. Most likely, she was never meant for life aboard.

Communication is critical. And honesty comes as part of that. Set ego aside. Talk about fears, concerns, and hopes and dreams. And listen.

Captain Bly - I had to laugh. She is just not cut out for the ocean even though she thought she was. She doesn't like crossing from Anacortes to Friday Harbor unless Rosario Strait is dead flat which means no wind ergo the slow going.

[robert sailor]

Originally Posted by Julie Mor

I can only relate in the area of how my dad and his wife were. He was Captain Bly, ready to take his boat anywhere. She did her best to be a good crew member. While she took the trek from Chicago, through the Great Lakes, down the ICW and spent a year cruising the Bahamas, her best moment was when the boat was beached and they had to tow it to Ft. Lauderdale.

There they met a sailor who had a neighbor looking to sell their house on a finger of the ICW and she never stepped foot on that boat again.

Some may see a dream quashed. Others could totally relate with her. Had my dad been a bit more flexible, who knows how long they would have cruised. Most likely, she was never meant for life aboard.

Communication is critical. And honesty comes as part of that. Set ego aside. Talk about fears, concerns, and hopes and dreams. And listen.

It sounds easy Julie but when someone is manipulating you they don't talk about fears, concerns and hopes and dreams. If this type of talk was going you would not hear the word ultimatums being used.

[nimblemotors]

Does she like your RV? Or your Ferrari?

[ntscout]

Originally Posted by nimblemotors

Does she like your RV? Or your Ferrari?

No Ferrari but have an RV. Sometimes likes going places in the RV.

[Jim Cate]

Sadly, I have no useful advice for the OP, but I am reminded of an ad I saw in the LA Times many years ago:

"19xx Jaguar XKE coupe... wife says it goes or she goes... 5000$ take your pick"

Good luck with your situation, for it sounds desperate to me.

Jim

[a64pilot]

I keep telling my wife it's HER boat. Not sure she buying that though. After buying her an autoprop for her boat for Christmas, she told me she was going to buy me a ring?
What would I want with a ring?


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[colemj]

Can you hate something of hers in return and issue an ultimatum?

Mexican standoff.

Mark

[Cuttyhunk]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

I keep telling my wife it's HER boat. Not sure she buying that though. After buying her an autoprop for her boat for Christmas, she told me she was going to buy me a ring?
What would I want with a ring?


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum

It will be a piston ring for sure...


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[Delancey]

Who do you lavish with love and attention more? Your boat or your wife?

Sounds like you really love your boat and have spent a lot of time working on her. Perhaps your wife is jealous.

Few women are interested in sharing their man with another woman. Can you blame them?

[thinwater]

I'm engineering smart and people stupid.

If the boat really leaves you feel empty, I'd talk to a marriage counselor, perhaps alone the first time. There is a disconnect somewhere. Just gritting your teeth won't fix it.

My wife learned that if I have my adventures--sailing and climbing--that I'm pleasant the rest of the time. Certainly it is "my boat," but she enjoys it on a select number of trips. And I repay this with some family trips that don't mean much to me.

Some personalities need time alone. Some can't stand space. People don't change, but they do need to understand the landscape.