Seasickness v. mental health

[Paul Seadragon]

Hi pbmaise,

I've been sailing for 54 years and had some decades listening to people about their life struggles. There is a knack to helping people with their fears.

Seasickness stops very quickly. When some people get very scared they get stuck in that state. This sounds like what's happened. Very scared people are not easy to work with. There are a number of ways out of being very scared and fun, relaxing, deep peace can be made to work well. The path out is very personal and can take quite some time.

The heavier the fear the lighter and more fun the approach needs to be. Your partner has all but been drowned in his fears and safety is needed so fears are taken on by his choices not anyone elses. Fear is challenged just a tiny bit at a time, like climbing a set of stairs but slowly. One achievement after another, with no rush.

[Biomed]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Biomedical and lestersails, could you guys please take a chill pill and shift your pharmaceutical argument elsewhere. It doesn't help the OP with his problem
Thanks!

Hi Pelagic, I could not agree more! As you saw, I tried to stop this thread from reaching this point twice, and left it there. The quasi academic nonsense served no purpose whatsoever and I tried to refocus the thread on the needs of the OP who asked for help. Next time, if there is one ( hopefully not), I'll deal with it as a trolling attempt. Apologies to you and whoever was upset. Fair winds!

[oval333]

Hi out there, sorry to hear about your challenges! I know a great therapist who can do sessions via skype and phone, who is safe. Her name is Rachel Bernstein.
Her office number is 818-907-0036. Good luck! Judi

[jakkum]

Originally Posted by pbmaise

This last passage my spouse exhibited far more than just a typical case of seasickness. Waves were the largest he ever saw before, and one other crew member was also seasick and bedridden.

However, his behavior became odd enough that I put him in a hotel and bought a ticket to fly back.

Specifically:

1. I learned he had past anxiety disorder serious enough he was medicated.

2. Despite being now on solid ground, he complained he still could get zero sleep.

3. Despite being shown the bus to get to airport and having flown before he now claimed fear of flying and going on the bus by himself

4. It was like the seasickness triggered something far more serious that we are having to cope with.

Currently he has been one week off the boat and still complains of intense fear, high heart rate, and sleepless nights.

I went to the only available mental health professional and he proscribed two drugs for paranoid behaviors. However, he refuses to take any pills, including seasickness pills, because of negative reactions to prior pills proscribed for past mental health issues.

In 8 weeks I scheduled to leave again on a 2 month trip. Seas are not expected to be as rough. But could be at points.

We are trying to do cognitive behavioral therapy without the help of a professional. The one local source we have is a psychiatrist and is only a pill pusher and has "no time" for therapy that can takes weeks of work.

Hello PBMAISE, I'd like to contact but I am not on facebook.

[pbmaise]

Update:
Please be assured I have been seeing a professional and I was able to get him to come with me on the second appointment. We have a followup visit in a few weeks. It is a drug treatment and not CBT. Thank you for suggestions of people within the US, however, I am going to try and find a CBT specialist in Manila who can speak to him in his native language.

On the plus side it has only been a few days since he began medication and internet reports it can take many days to get results. He also reports that his symptoms are decreasing and last night he appeared to sleep rather well until about 3 am.

He is living on his Filipino property and his mother is in the adjacent home so I assure all he is off the vessel and living as peacefully as possible. Further when he is on the vessel moored in the harbor he has not been seasick. To a degree he is stressed when away from me and stressed when on the vessel so I have to balance. Fortunately he is only a 3 hour van ride away and I can go visit a few days and return to the vessel a few days.

On the negative side I am beginning to resign myself to the idea he will not be sailing with me when I set out early October. It also means that I will not be seeing him for almost a year if I follow my intended route.

To a degree my captain responsibility comes into play here and I am beginning to think of this along the lines as someone who has become injured on my vessel. Up till now, I have been the only one seriously injured aboard my vessel, 4 broken ribs, and guess I am considering a mental injury as being an injury that holds me accountable. I guess the way I consider this is were it not for the fact he was aboard he would not be suffering as he does now. Further there is all that business about "in sickness and in health". Technically we are not a married couple, it is not legally possible to marry in the Philippines, however, I feel personal obligation to my spouse too.

Identification of crew members as being physically fit to crew is rather a simple matter compared to mentally fit. Here in the Philippines they require an applicant for Captain's License Level 3 to get a mental evaluation. It is doubtful in this case that a historical problem would have been found unless self-reported.

When I talk to my spouse he assures me he wants to come on the trip. About cautions of taking him, please be assured we will not be many days away from shore on any particular leg of the trip and seas are likely to be far less than he experienced here. He has shown zero signs of anything I would consider to be a concern. (I once identified a potential crew member who did and he didn't sail with me. ) However, again as already stated I am becoming resigned to the possibility he will not be ready mentally to undertake this trip.

Two of my arriving crew members are coming from Canada and so I will have them bring with them this magical patch thing that people mention.

Regarding a faith healer. Yeah that is a touchy issue and certainly I agree there is a culture of belief within the Philippines which lends itself to people here believing they are cured and hence curing themselves. I am paying for him to see his local healer and not keen on taking him for a very long ride up to El Nido.

[john61ct]

What is the Filipino barrier to a legal marriage?

Note you can always marry in a third country, and that will be recognized anywhere else you want it to be.

Cambodia forbids their women from legally marrying foreign men aged over 50, but thousands emigrate every year to do just that.

Originally Posted by pbmaise

On the negative side I am beginning to resign myself to the idea he will not be sailing with me when I set out early October.

I think that is wise

> It also means that I will not be seeing him for almost a year if I follow my intended route

He should be able to fly to meet you for an occasional short segment, or maybe just some "shore leave" together?

[hellosailor]

"the magical patch"
NO!
NO! NO! NO!

Does that make a point? The only "magical patch" for seasickness on the market is Scopalomine. Yes, it is highly effective and some of us use it without major problems. But it also has a very long and serious list of complications and contraindications. Among the normal side effects will be great sensitivity to sunlight requiring dark glasses, and a dry cotton-mouth feeling. Then for many users it increases intra-ocular pressure, so a physician or at least a recent eye exam to see if there are any problems (i.e. glaucoma) will come from that. And there's a good chance of heart arrhythmia, which could really upset someone who had mental issues of any kind.
Finally, it can and will cause anxiety and hallucinations in a significant number of users. If I'm taking 'scop I will warn anyone else on the boat that I may, literally, become a psychotic axe murderer. Which beats all heck out of being seriously seasick, but is something many folks would have second thoughts about.

DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO USE SCOPALOMINE, patches or pills, except after checking with their physician and first using it in the comfort of home for 48 hours. It falls into the category of great meds--with a real percentage of potentially fatal side effects.

And in your partner's case, any risk of psychosis from medicines would seem to be too high a risk to take.

[barnakiel]

If a relapse is triggered by factor X, one should stay away from factor X.


The same applies to allergies and mental problems.


Keep the person away from the boat, under loving and watchful care of their family and doctors.


Not much else to be done.



b.

[Pelagic]

I really feel for Pbmaise.

Its a Catch-22 situation with his amour, where helping, only appears to weaken.

He really wants to empower him to escape the insecurities most Filipinos have developed as a result of dictatorial government, catholic control and dysfunctional communication, when they compare themselves to Foreigners.

But that empowerment is causing Stress and an escapism attitude, that many Filipinos default to.

Lifting off expectations for him to travel internationally on the boat while financialy supporting him remotely, is a lose / lose situation that benefits neither.

As hard as this may sound, Pbmaise should consider whether it is time to simply think of himself and move on.

We all fight with inner demons, but Filipinos have culturaly been dealt with a weak hand, which is why the strong Filipino families are so powerful.

Pbmaise can only follow his own style of being a Captain, which I'm guessing is quite demanding of crew to pull their weight while being observant.(I'm that way).

I am lucky. I found a strong Filipino partner who over the last 14 years has grown immensely in self confidence and overcame her poor background and lack of a proper education, that made her weak.

Yes, there have been many stressful situations, where I continued to challenge her to manage and contol her life with confidence. .

My partner has now become a strong confident and amazing asset to my life, but to be honest, only because she knew she had to grow with me, or be left behind.

Tough love!

[john61ct]

Way overstepping bounds for advice to strangers online IMO

[Pelagic]

Well John, Pb can make his own assessment.

I wrote what I felt after discussing this thread with my Filipino partner.

We talked last night about the tough times in our relationship when stress and the learning curve that made her feel like she was ready to explode.

Told me it was because she was comparing herself to foreign women who seemed so much more confident and capable in achieving and controling their needs.

At her lowest point, she thought maybe I would be happier with a more self confident foreign woman.
Then she realized that she would miss me too much to give up and as each fear was overcome, new goals came a bit easier.

Pb sharing thier issues as I do ours can be both helpful and cathartic in any relationship.

We all have insecurities.