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Midnight Son · 12-11-2023, 20:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by D&D

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb."

Fortunately, or unfortunately, your pick.
I can relate to every single one.

One of my co-workers, just before I retired, jokingly stated (I hope), 'man you're older than dirt'.
Coming from a geologist, I was a little perturbed at that.

**Jim Cate** · 12-11-2023, 22:01

Conjoined male twins walk into a bar in Canada, and park themselves on
a couple of bar stools.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the
hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite
conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, fellas?"

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year,
rent a car, and drive for miles and miles, don't we, Jim?"

Jim nods.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history,
the culture, and especially the beer."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and
Molson's beer, that's for us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English
people, they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.

John replies: "Gives Jim a chance to drive..."

Another Jim...

**GordMay** · 13-11-2023, 01:13

**GordMay** · 13-11-2023, 05:37

I used to have a good job, a beautiful house, and a lovely car; until my friend introduced me to drugs ...
Now, I have a yacht, and a Caribbean Island, and don't have to work.

A dear friend of mine fell overboard, while sailing, the other day,
Sadly, he couldn't swim, so he quickly drowned.
At the funeral service, I gifted his family a life preserver.
It's what he would have wanted.

I heard France is replacing its ageing, deteriorating navy vessels.
I guess French ships don’t always last forever.

**GordMay** · 13-11-2023, 06:54

A Dutchman, in Amsterdam, felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.”

“Well,” answered the Priest, “That's not a sin.”

“But I made him pay me 20 gulden, for each week he stayed.” The Dutchman said.

The Priest replied, “I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.”

The Dutchman exclaimed “Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.”

“What is it son?” ask the priest.

The Dutchman whispered “Do I have to tell him the war is over?”

***

The war in Afghanistan ended, after 20 years.
Who won?
Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing, and Lockheed Martin

**Wotname** · 13-11-2023, 20:08

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**Wotname** · 13-11-2023, 20:12

Can't recall if I posted this before but another time won't hurt...

chrisr · 13-11-2023, 22:59

Two blokes in charge of a boating lake. One picks up the megaphone and announces: “Come in, number 99, your time is up.”

The other bloke looks at him quizzically and says: “We don’t have 99 boats!”

The first bloke hurriedly picks up the megaphone and shouts: “Number 66, are you okay?”

cheers,

Uncle Bob · 14-11-2023, 02:14

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1699956832

**GordMay** · 14-11-2023, 04:09

**JoeRobertJr** · 14-11-2023, 04:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by GordMay

Any cat owner can debunk this theory. If it were true, Australia would already have been pushed off the edge of the earth. Or under a couch.

**GordMay** · 14-11-2023, 04:40

They say there's no opinions in science.

But, I've seen people get real heated, over thermochemistry

And, they really melt down, when you bring up nuclear engineering

Have you seen how twisted people get, when it comes to DNA?

Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map

You should see how hormonal people get, about endocrinology

You can really feel the pressure in the room ,when someone brings up hydraulics.