The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Montanan]

Successful day of Spring cleaning.

Next project to clean out the lazarette.

[GordMay]

Did you know that, words can be used, for self defense?
It’s called the art of talkwondo.

[Star Fire]

The easiest way to tell the difference between an aligator and a crocodile?

Does he see you latter or, after a while?

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

Paddy joke:

[MicHughV]

An American tourist is in an Irish bar in Dublin, and throws out this challenge to the bar patrons...."I've got a 100 quid here that sez nobody here can drink 10 pints of Guinness in row"
Paddy, sitting at the end of the bar, considers the bet, but then gets off his chair and walks out of the pub.
About 30 minutes later, Paddy walks back in tells the American " I'll take your bet" and proceeds to drink 10 pints of Guinness in a row.
As the American is about to give him the 100 quid, he tells Paddy " hey, didn't I see you here sitting at the end of the bar, about 30 minutes ago.
"Indeed" Paddy tells him " but I needed to walk across the street to another bar to see if I could do it first before taking your bet"

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

An American tourist is in an Irish bar in Dublin, and throws out this challenge to the bar patrons...."I've got a 100 quid here that sez nobody here can drink 10 pints of Guinness in row"
Paddy, sitting at the end of the bar, considers the bet, but then gets off his chair and walks out of the pub.
About 30 minutes later, Paddy walks back in tells the American " I'll take your bet" and proceeds to drink 10 pints of Guinness in a row.
As the American is about to give him the 100 quid, he tells Paddy " hey, didn't I see you here sitting at the end of the bar, about 30 minutes ago.
"Indeed" Paddy tells him " but I needed to walk across the street to another bar to see if I could do it first before taking your bet"

Ah but in the version i heard, paddy says
“I need to go take a piss before i could take the bet”

[GordMay]

If you sin 90 times, you'll only be caught 45 times.
Because Sin 90 = Cot 45.

Tuna must age, about five times faster, than humans.
This is supported, by the fact that: tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.

Studying History makes you numb.
But, studying Mathematics makes you number.

Q: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
A: Because: they multiply by dividing.

Q: How many times do you have to tickle an octopus, to make it laugh?
A: Ten-tickles.
Of course, it only has 8 of those.
So, the first two were test-tickles.

[marianosendapio]

Thanks, Jeanathon!

I concur with your advice: ignore, overlook, and shift focus to jokes. After all, this is the jokes thread! Here's a pro tip: politics isn't usually very humorous...

Now, onto a random oldie about the birds and bees.

[GordMay]

I'm joining a cold war reenactment group.
We get together, on weekends, and hide under desks.


Q: Which three American Generals, won the most, during the cold war?
A: General Motors, General Electric, and General Dynamics.

Q: Why was it called the Cold War?
A: Because of all the Icy-BMs!

[Montanan]

Meanwhile in Montana we received this alert message from the Search and Rescue:

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by Montanan

Meanwhile in Montana we received this alert message from the Search and Rescue:

Given all the shows I watched as a kid, I was sure quicksand was going to be more of a problem in life than it has turned out to be.

[Mirage35]

I actually stepped into quicksand once. It was a lot slower than the movies make it out to be.

[Montanan]

Could use your help here.

[Montanan]

Spouse: "I'm pissed!"

Me: "Again or still?"