Making Major Changes To Get You Closer To Your Dream

[sailorchic34]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

However what I’m really confused about is that you don’t just get to decide to take a Civilian job and move across the Country, there is this little thing called a discharge you have to go through first, which isn’t done overnight in my experience, although I wasn’t AF.

I must admit I was wondering how that worked too.

[AJ_n_Audrey]

I used to go to Shaw AFB when I was in the Army to plan exercises, etc. Not a bad spot, and you are 2 hours from the coast. If I were you, I would skip Lake Marion (though it is a huge lake) and get set up with your boat down on the coast - there are many nice marinas, and you would be or could be close to Charleston, which has a lot to offer. From Charleston, you're a three day sail from Florida (faster if you sail overnight) and you can cruise the coast and the ICW until you get confident in your offshore skills.

Not the same as your situation, but my wife and I recently sold everything up near Raleigh, NC to be at the coast and close to the boat, and we had to massively downsize. We are extremely happy - she with the many new friends she's made, and me with being ten minutes from the boat, versus hours away. We've done ICW trips, coastal cruising, and a Bahamas trip and next year we head to the BVI and beyond. Do it. I'm only sorry I waited so long.

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by AB808

Consider this, the pension is already available, today! Begin collecting it, any monetary advantage of 24 months more and pay raises can be quickly exceeded by going to work in a second career & banking the retirement checks.

I wish we could do that.. but, because he is in "limbo" he is still showing active status, but he can't go to work for the AF, and he can't collect his retirement pay because he isn't showing "retired" in their system. We are in the blackhole!

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by wolfgal

Hang in there Scarlet and know that it is normal to feel anxious right now. This is a lot of stress to handle!

good things to you, girl!

wolfgal

Thank you sooo much! I needed to hear that, and you voiced my fears more elegantly than I could. I think once he decides and signs on the bottom line I'll be ok. I'm pretty task oriented.. so, I know I will handle it. I just need some "burly men" to help me lift things...

Oh, and to complicated things more... he just got a call from Barksdale AFB for another position.. it looks like he may have an offer there as well. All this in less than 7 days. That's what happens when you are so specialized...

Anyway... I'm starting to feel much more relaxed now...

[redhead]

Overwhelmed.

That's what I hear when I read your post. And the answer usually is that we're looking at the "Big Picture" way too broadly. Please don't heap one huge task after another and then wonder what will happen if you fail.

Take each thing in small consumable chunks - forget the Air Force/job situation, you have no personal power over how that gets resolved. Find a little compartment in your mind, put that problem in the compartment and close the door on it.

If your ultimate goal is to move onto a boat, downsizing makes sense and that's something you have control over. Just start somewhere logical; attic, basement and work your way from there. And you do need to ask for help. A woman I knew with OCD once paid me $40/hour just to help her decide what to give away, what to throw away and what to take from her (rich) parents house she had inherited. Now I'm not suggesting you pay anyone, but it helps to prove that there are emotions involved in downsizing and you need someone there to remind you that it's all just Stuff, and more importantly, Stuff That Won't Fit/Be Useful on a Boat. This can be done by a friend.

When you back at this time in a couple of years and see with hindsight how it all worked itself out, I think you'll see this anxiety was actually distracting you from doing the job.

Best of luck whatever happens. South Carolina and Charleston especially are magical places. Breathe...

[toddster8]

About a year ago, I was discussing this very subject with someone who had just liquidated and moved aboard while also owning and operating a business. (Like me. Seems impossible!) She said they just handed the key to an estate agent and walked away.

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by Arlee2.0

With all due love and respect, get over yourself. Not in the "you're so vain" way but in the "stuff matters" way. The way you view what makes you happy, safe, comfortable. That STUFF has no value. Once you accept that it has no monetary value (anything you get for it is mere pittance against what it cost financially and in time-effort to acquire and now you have to spend more time-effort to get those few bucks to sell it) and you marinate in the truth - all the STUFF is keeping you from the LIVING the LIFE (experiences) that you want, it's pretty simply to clear house.

Work on reframing your psychological/mental/emotional connection to the past (oooh the memories!) and realize how it holds you back from your future. Then, be present in the NOW and get **** done! You can soooo do this.

I remember when we first decided to do this. I was just walking through my house... looking around and thinking.. Why the H*LL did we buy all this SH*T?!?!? loll

[jmpapon]

Scarlet,

I will not comment on your life change events. It is too personal and I know changes to your life may seem scary at times although, in your case, it appears you and your husband seem to have a lot of new opportunities and bright days ahead of you. Think about the coming years sailing in your catamaran on the blue seas...
I will simply say this: my wife and I are sailors. We live 5 miles from Shaw AFB in SC. Although I have not tried to sail on lake Marion, I do not believe Lake Marion is the place where you want to sail near Charleston in SC.
Here is a quote from Wikipedia on lake Marion:
"Conditions vary from shallow swamps and blackwater ponds to vast open water with a multitude of underwater structures. The area was not completely cleared when Lake Marion was created. As a result, there are thousands of stumps, standing dead tree trunks and live cypress trees.
But do not worry: You will actually be living closer to one of the deepest, safest and largest bay on the Atlantic coast: Charleston bay and harbor! You can sail it for hours and days very safely and, when you are ready, sail along the channel towards the Atlantic ocean waters and beyond.
As I said we are sailors. We have lived in SC near Shaw AFB since 2007 and have sailed our 36' sailboat, Odyssee, on Charleston bay for years before we sailed her across the Atlantic in 2014. Since then our boat is in the Mediterranean where we go cruising every year for a few months.
If you are interested, let us know, and we will be happy to talk to you and your husband about the area and, eventually, to meet with you if and when you decide to relocate here.
Best of luck and happy seas!

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

I’m sort of confused.
He has to have a Waiver to stay in, was he passed over?
You have lived in one place your entire Military career?
Off the top of my head O5 over 20 ought to be paid about 9K a month, basic pay.
He will Retire, and receive over half that a month, plus medical benefits.
You’ll be fine.

However what I’m really confused about is that you don’t just get to decide to take a Civilian job and move across the Country, there is this little thing called a discharge you have to go through first, which isn’t done overnight in my experience, although I wasn’t AF.

He has applied for a waiver to stay in, which has been on someone's desk at the pentagon since Feb. I don't know how a discharge works.. but his "mandatory separation date" was on 01Jan. So, I think he can just retire... although we prefer for him to stay in, (if congress would pass the budget so they can approve him). I know.. it's complicated. Two more years of work and we will have enough saved to pay cash for our catamaran, and a pretty decent sailing kitty, (along with his pension)... we would be in a much better financial place.

But he loves the military.. he loves serving his country... they need him because they are really short on people who can do his job... but we can't continue to go without pay. they either gotta pass his waiver... or we have to retire... I hope this clears things up.

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by jmpapon

Scarlet,

I will not comment on your life change events. It is too personal and I know changes to your life may seem scary at times although, in your case, it appears you and your husband seem to have a lot of new opportunities and bright days ahead of you. Think about the coming years sailing in your catamaran on the blue seas...
I will simply say this: my wife and I are sailors. We live 5 miles from Shaw AFB in SC. Although I have not tried to sail on lake Marion, I do not believe Lake Marion is the place where you want to sail near Charleston in SC.
Here is a quote from Wikipedia on lake Marion:
"Conditions vary from shallow swamps and blackwater ponds to vast open water with a multitude of underwater structures. The area was not completely cleared when Lake Marion was created. As a result, there are thousands of stumps, standing dead tree trunks and live cypress trees.
But do not worry: You will actually be living closer to one of the deepest, safest and largest bay on the Atlantic coast: Charleston bay and harbor! You can sail it for hours and days very safely and, when you are ready, sail along the channel towards the Atlantic ocean waters and beyond.
As I said we are sailors. We have lived in SC near Shaw AFB since 2007 and have sailed our 36' sailboat, Odyssee, on Charleston bay for years before we sailed her across the Atlantic in 2014. Since then our boat is in the Mediterranean where we go cruising every year for a few months.
If you are interested, let us know, and we will be happy to talk to you and your husband about the area and, eventually, to meet with you if and when you decide to relocate here.
Best of luck and happy seas!

OH yes! I would love to talk more about this. I'm saddened about Lake Marion, though. right now our lake that we sail on is an hour and 15 minutes away.. so, we don't get to go as often as we want to. But Marion would only be about 20 minutes.. so we could sail much more often. But I will check on Charleston Bay... it sounds lovely!!

I will reach out to you when I know for sure that we are moving.

[Crusty Joker]

Scarlet,
Love that name!
First. Thanks for your service and for that of your husband.
My advice: Be confident not timid. You and your husband are a proven team. Keep talking. I was taught by a very powerful and wonderful psychologists that their profession was one that mostly helped people realize their own abilities. She said to me while I was driving, "Psychologists are not just people that sick people visit to get well. My whole practice is made of helping people (mostly women) recognize their own power and abilities and helping them become high performance human beings."
You can do this! For you this is the easy down hill 'glide' to the boat, family, friends in the cruising life you have dreamed to be your retirement with your husband.
One of the things I did while 'retooling' at the VA in a 'volunteer' clerk position within a special personnel unit was vision a better transition program to support individuals and family in the separation from the military. That vision helped create the TAP and TAMP programs that were actually built by the NAVY and Marine Air as that was where a few of my contacts were who had remained in the military for their careers.
THESE programs work! Learn to use them.
My best advice to me is to stay with what works and add things that look like they will bring more juice to the party... and discard what is outmoded, outdated and no longer needed.
What helped my wellbeing was always family. What I did for ME. SELF. I learned to meditate (TM). Took more vacations, laughed, and recognized that tobacco, alcohol, and any intoxicant had to be moderated or eliminated. Nothing new. I advanced and continued exploration of myself. And I used all the tools in my reach! The result was I have little anxiety anymore.
Sweep out the old! In with the new. Consider moving quickly to South Carolina, and yes I have friends there. You do as well. Lance and Dara are there. Other friends who are shipwrights and master craftsmen and women.
I am as close as your computer. ben.hamilton@sbcglobal.net
Sweep out the old. Bring it on Scarlet! You are a winner!

[hamburking]

Look no further than the words of our prophet, Mick Jaggar who wisely sang:

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you find,
You get what you need"

and don't forget good ole Mark Twain who muttered:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

So in conclusion: Do it.

But also get some help. Hire a student. Pay for movers. Donate rather than sell. Not all adventures are on a sailboat. I believe in you. You can do it!

[hamburking]

Originally Posted by scarlet

I know.. it's complicated. Two more years of work and we will have enough saved to pay cash for our catamaran, and a pretty decent sailing kitty, (along with his pension)... we would be in a much better financial place.

Another approach, one taken by many, would be to get a smaller/cheaper boat. You haven't mentioned your budget or the boat you have in mind, but it sounds like you want to buy new. A less expensive boat could make a ton of your problems go away. And while waiting two years sounds reasonable, you need look no further than the boat ads to find too many sailors who waited just a little too long before starting. A lot of stuff can happen in 2 years. Not to be morbid, but if were your last two years together on earth...would you wait?

Live large. You only get one life to live. No do-overs.

[JPA Cate]

Scarlet,

In one weekend, Jim and I, and two close friends closed out my house and I moved aboard the sailboat, having sold the home.

It was the house in which I raised my kids, and my first husband had left us, every book, every little gew gaw, had meaning for me. In a very real sense, it was a closing of a door on a way of life that had seen me grow into a responsible adult. Expect it to be feeling loaded. It is okay to be feeling both joyous because you guys are making a new beginning, that's the keep you eye on the goal part, and to also be emotion laden, because the old life was meaningful, too, and there was a lot of love in it and it is the end of that.

Ask your Lt. Colonel boy person to help you with the work of shucking off the shell--sort of like butterflies coming out of a chrysalis. Two determined adults can move a lot of property in a weekend. Also, every single thing you take to a thrift shop, is something someone else is going to use. The income tax deduction for charitable donations applies, using what they will use as the selling price. Plus, it is morally correct to recycle what is usable.

Save and store, or bring with you only what you need, some of those items you do move may be ones of particular emotional significance, and you don't "need" them; but at least for me, there was a little that was so associated with my own sense of self, that I have had them with me through 2 boats... Honor your heart's desire. Maybe a yard sale, but it is very effort intensive for what you'll get out of it. Jim did it with his house, I did not, with mine. There are other CF threads about this, Jim and I did the storage locker bit. I view it as a poor decision, now, but we are still maintaining it.

Finally, I'm wishing you good success with your new plan, and your future cruising plans.

Ann

[dkroar]

Hey there! If you're on Facebook, come join us at WWS - Women Who Sail. You will find a support group who will help you through this angst, and probably some new friends in both your current location, and your new one.

Welcome aboard!