No-Drama Sailing - Keeping the Spouse on the Boat

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by rognvald

Setting aside political correctness, the fact is that in the majority of sailors I've met in the last 40 years conform to the fact that sailing is the man's desire and not the woman's. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but if we are honest, this is the reality. And, this basic conflict has been the result of unnumerable instances of "jumping ship" where the woman no longer can pretend that she is enjoying her time on the boat and bails. I have seen it from the frigid shores of Lake Michigan to the balmy Caribbean. In most cases, sailing is the man's dream, not the woman's and you can feel it every time you board one of those boats. There is always a subliminal tension that prevails with these couples and the occasional snippets of discontent that always work their way into the conversation. Perhaps things will change for the better in the future since many younger women today (under 50) have lived in a culture that sought to destroy stereotypes of what men and women are supposed to be and my general impression is that there is a greater percentage of women in that generation who actually enjoy sailing opposed to their more reluctant mothers and grandmothers. The truth is: sailing is a man's sport that features a few female soulmates who really share the passion and a majority of disgruntled females that could think of a thousand things they'd rather do than be on a boat.

Yep.
...

[Freedom45]

A pretty good series on couples cruising......
Get Her On Board - Timeline | Facebook


Chuck

[vtcapo]

Ex-Calif, Bail Me Out, Bruce you are all on the money. I’ve been married for 34 years and boats have always been a thorn in my wife’s side and she has made it a point to show me her dissatisfaction in numerous ways.

I bought the boat not for her but for my sons and me. If she wants to share the experience it’s always available. If she serves me papers, which is possible, at least the Slocum like I said would make a comfortable live a board. And Bruce you are right. She is a gardener.

I don’t want to distract from this fine thread with my personal problems so getting back to the original thought. Women are nesters. Boats are a poor nest and do not offer the stability or creature comforts a house provides. To find woman who is willing to sacrifice that is a rare find. So I wouldn’t press it. If she goes sailing with you once and a while great! But as Rognvald points out, sailing IS a man’s sport.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by vtcapo

Not a chance. I'm in deep sh*t. This has to be handled just right. I have to find a way to get her on the boat.

Xmas party on a friends boat (our boat) with friends and family?... SURPRISE!!

F*ck me, I'm a gonna....

ROTFLMAO

Maybe say you won it at cards? (if she thinks it was free maybe you will only lose your kneecaps?)

[micah719]

Boats are a poor nest and do not offer the stability or creature comforts a house provides.

Am I wrong in viewing the security of a nest as overriding the comfort factor? This would depend on how security is defined/perceived, and this in turn is determined by the worldview of S.O. The big attraction to me of a globally mobile floating home is the much greater control of the neighbourhood....ie, if it goes to the dogs, up comes the pick. I suspect the problem is more to do with S.O.'s relationships with family, friends and acquaintances.

The stability of the modern western lifestyle is illusory. Two days of no electric power or a major snafu in the fuel supply and we're back in pre-industrial times, with a lot of hungry, desperate and helpless people about. The veneer of civilisation is mighty thin....and I for one am fed up with the hypocrisy of complaining and not doing anything about it. I can't change the system, but I have a chance at changing how I interact with it, and it with me. Here's hoping the dream becomes reality, and micah finds a mate....because I can't see it succeeding on land in the ratrace.

[Boracay]

I just checked with my senior crew. She says being on the boat is not so bad, it's being "outside" with the not very good weather that she doesn't like.

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by vtcapo

Ex-Calif, Bail Me Out, Bruce you are all on the money. I’ve been married for 34 years and boats have always been a thorn in my wife’s side and she has made it a point to show me her dissatisfaction in numerous ways.

I bought the boat not for her but for my sons and me. If she wants to share the experience it’s always available. If she serves me papers, which is possible, at least the Slocum like I said would make a comfortable live a board. And Bruce you are right. She is a gardener.

I don’t want to distract from this fine thread with my personal problems so getting back to the original thought. Women are nesters. Boats are a poor nest and do not offer the stability or creature comforts a house provides. To find woman who is willing to sacrifice that is a rare find. So I wouldn’t press it. If she goes sailing with you once and a while great! But as Rognvald points out, sailing IS a man’s sport.

Talking about uncoorporative wives and ex-wives is analogous to an anchoring thread (guaranteed to stop any boat) - I dont do anchoring threads...

[vtcapo]

Micah I hear everything you say. If it were up to me I would have been living on the hook a long time ago. The freedom that presents to just up and go is very appealing particularly in today’s world where you pointed out that one more major wrinkle in our economy or world politics and we can be back in pre industrial times.

Have you ever been on the roads trying to get out of the way of a hurricane in Florida? I have and you better have a vehicle that has enough fuel to get you where you want to go or you WILL be stranded. It’s not a pretty sight with all those desperate people out of gas trying to dodge the eye of a storm. I vowed that would never happen to my family and have a vehicle with 250 gal. of diesel to get us non stop to VT. But if a major collapse would happen that would be a very dangerous journey.

I don’t take this subject lightly because I am working feverously to get off the grid on my farm up in Vermont. The current state of affairs worldwide is precarious to say the least. Self-dependence could be the key your survival in the future. What I have to consider since I spend my time equally between Florida and Vermont is what happens if the sh*t hits the fan and I am land locked on a peninsula with only one direction out, north?
Frankly speaking, women are not hard wired to think that way. My wife would only believe if that day arrives and I bet she would be in denial. But then as you know it would be too late.

Therefore, if we plan on spending half the year in Florida a boat that can get you out of dodge is a MUST! The boat purchase was not a selfish act, something she undoubtedly will accuse me of. It is a calculated attempt to provide security for the family.

Like you said, “the veneer of civilization is mighty thin…”

RT

[capn_billl]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

I have a buddy with 6 vintage dirt bikes he is "storing" for a friend - 8-10,000 dollar toys. It is amusing becuase the wife isn't an idiot but goes along with the charade. Maybe its due to the 3,000 pairs of shoes she got " on sale."

Actually my opinion is pretty simple. No one gets out alive and you can't take it with you. Spending 40 years in a cube and dying in front of the tube is such a waste of existence. Any partnership that doesn't strive to fulfill each partner's life goals, or bucket list is near sighted.

Only took me 20 years of marriage to figure that out...

Well said.