Is your partner a little hesitant…

[Shrew]

IMHO you're going about it the wrong way. (Then again, is there a 'right' way?). You're yanking away everything that is secure and comfortable. There are two extremes:

1) Buy a boat, tie it to a marina and never use it

2) Sell your worldly possessions, move onto the boat, and sail away on an open-ended trek.

Stop ram rodding the latter down her throat find a compromise.

Get a comfortable boat and a slip. Day sail, weekend, take vacations. Forget about going off shore. Cruise locally/regionally where the food, restaurants, bars and grocery stores all look familiar and she can order what she recognizes in a language she can speak.

After some time, increase the number of days. Set out for a week or two.

I started with weekends and vacations. My wife was adamant that she wanted a land base. We now live on the boat 5-6 months in the summer and coastal cruise. She loves it. We found it to be a good compromise.

[double u]

"...exposure to all the aspects of cruising..."

if your wife is "hesitant" now - she will be adamant afterwards - to NOT go cruising!

[goboatingnow]

The key is compromise , often serious compromise

I’ve sailed all over the place mostly deliveries , typically lots of heavy weather sailing etc

While my wife accepts my competency she’s more nervous every time she hears me relate various “ tales “ of the sea

She’s chartered with me all over the Med , the Carribean and the US but mostly because my two girls are competent sailors ( well then boys came along )

Then while we were both still working we bought a 393 in France , she loved that , we both did ( we a pair of Francophiles ) marina based , mostly day sails , overnights in other marinas etc. Eating out. Etc. It was expensive as you’d expect

However she’s now been on boats with me for the last 30 years but she still describes herself as “ a nervous sailer “. In fact in women’s company like many women she runs her abilities down

Now we are both retired and are returning to significant periods on a boat in the Med. ( typically 6 months on the boat )

So I picked the Ionian , why , well mostly the sailing is calm weather ( not always of course ) the towns are cute , there is a expat cruising community etc

Is it my type of sailing , not at all , but it’s this or I’m joining the hoards of lovely old men on their boats.

That’s the key , compromise wife or sailing ,

The other thing I’ve found is always maintaining a home base. She knows there’s a base to go to if all this is too much

After 30 years I know she will get massive fun from Greece ( she spent lots of time there in her 20s)

The key is to tailor the “ adventure “ to her needs and fears. What do you get? , You get to “ go” on a sailboat

Oh and while I could have afforded up to 45 feet I actually went down in size to a 2 cabins owners version 36.

I can always trade up if she’s happy , overwhelming her on a bigger boat is a one way ticket to no boat.

If it means shelving that circumnavigation dream , well so be it. Alternatively of course you can sail in the company of lots of other lonely old men

[goboatingnow]

Originally Posted by double u

"...exposure to all the aspects of cruising..."



if your wife is "hesitant" now - she will be adamant afterwards - to NOT go cruising!

Absolutely , throw her in at the deep end and watch her drown.

It’s baby steps

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by Paul_Carroll

Bear in mind, a typical mid-40 foot bareboat catamaran charters in the BVIs for $8,500 to $13,500 a week, 50's go for up to $16K. If the boat you could charter was mid-50 foot, had very much better performance, better equipped, and had a captain/trainer to guide you, how much more would that be worth? I ask, because I am looking to see if it makes sense to try to set up such a company to provide this service to the would-be cruising community. (No, I am not proposing that I would be the captain! I just would be willing to invest in making such a charter boat exist if there was interest at a price point that would make it worthwhile.)

Your feedback and thoughts are all appreciated!

You seem way too focused on performance.

A slow steady condomaran is probably a better way to sell it to the wife than a high performance machine that will be more intimidating. Very few hesitant wives are worried they won't be able to make 15kts to windward. They want to see comfortable living spaces, big fridge/freezers, room for friends and family to visit. Also, your high performance catamaran is going to be set up different from how theirs will be set up, so it will only give a very rough idea of what their catamaran will be like.

Most people buying 50+ ft catamarans are not newbies, so your potential base will be small. Generally charters of 50ft catamarans are groups of 8-10 people out for a week of fun and frivolity. $16k spread over 10 people is $1,600 per person. Make that a couple and it's $8,000 per person plus any surcharge for a high performance cat with a captain.

If they really are looking at how to operate, they can go to a sailing school and hook up with a smaller condomaran that will have more similarity to what they are likely to buy. That will keep the costs down and give them just as good of an experience.

Are you perhaps trying to get your hesitant significant other to agree to a new high performance cat?

[redhead]

I find this thread fascinating.

I've (a person of the female persuasion) lived aboard for the last six years. I dreamed about it for 15 years before that while we coastal cruised and raced and day sailed. I would say that about 50% of my women friends have no interest in boats and would not be caught dead on one. Of the remaining 50%, about 25% would consider a power boat and the other 25% are interested in sailing.

The way I see it is, if cruising is your passion then:

A) You have always loved sailing and she would at least be aware of it, if not
share it.
Or

B) It has grown on you and not on her later in life.

Either way, I don't think you can manipulate someone into loving something - yes, showing how much fun it can be will definitely get her across the threshold, but it's probably not going to make her a fanatic. She will say "NO" or "OK it's calm, let's go for a daysail" or "two weeks on a boat, Okay, I'm game" or some combination of the above.

When I first met my (future) husband I only agreed to go out with him if he taught me how to sail. He'd heard that before so he only agreed to go out with me if I helped him re-laminate the fiberglass bow on his Hunter. We both passed the tests and 27 years later here we are.

On the flip side, I love to read and he could care less. He loves everything about steam trains and I just think they're cute for about 5 minutes. Not a problem, he go train watching and I go read.

I guess I'm a little offended (not much) by the discussion of how to "get her to like it". She does or she doesn't and infinite degrees in between. Friendship helps - ask her why? You may be surprised by the answer. In the beginning I was terrified by the depth of the water under the boat. I felt vulnerable. I read about how sailboats are self righting and felt better. A bigger boat helped. Thing is he asked me and I was expected to give him a truthful answer.

And I was the one who wanted to live aboard, and am surrounded by women who cruise alone, or with another woman, or who live aboard either alone or with a partner. We are NOT as rare as hens teeth.

Sorry, mini-rant over.

[Narfi]

I have scoured the internet and not found what I think would be more interesting to me.
Instead of a crewed charter vacation experience with everything crisp and clean and done for you, a more down to earth reality intro to the live aboard lifestyle.

A middle to older aged couple who have done it all, she can be a mentor to my wife, he can be a mentor to me. It is an enjoyable vacation week, but I help him with chores, and the food is home cooked more like visiting the farm and not like some fancy bar down town. More like visiting the grandparents at the ranch.

Comfortable and well maintained, but not new and not all the best, reliable and practical for a couple who have done it all.

I don't need to sell my wife on the idea, time and money is all that is holding us back, but we want to prepare for when we can and to temper our expectations with reality. To learn what we can before starting, and to learn what we do and do not want in a boat and systems.

The reality is what we see and think we want now is based off of a life on land with the romanticized versions of YouTube and blogs trying to sell the lifestyle. We are already sold, but we are not stupid, so a lower cost introduction and down to earth mentor type education would be better than the glamor being sold.

It has to be balanced, 15k for a week now is how much in 8 years when we could start? As much as 30k off what we could buy at that time..... thats not an insignificant number, consider doing that once a year for 8 years, thats as much as 200k potential you couldn't spend on starting at that time......

What about 3 years when I plan to start building? Current quote I got for a supplies kit to build a 15m cruising catamaran was roughly 120k usd and probably an additional 2-300k over the 5 years I plan to build it in....... That 15k a year for the 3years could be as much as 70k potential lost by the time of the kit purchase....

It has to come to balance though.... you can't grind non stop year in year out.... dreams just die, you have to stay fresh, you have to have vacations, you have to feed your dreams.....

sorry for the ramble, not sure it fully addressed your thread, but it does run parallel to it at least.... I want something similar to what you are suggesting, but not what you are suggesting... if that makes sense?