Spouse hates my boat

[craftconn]

Originally Posted by ntscout

Now I am lost, I don't have any other hobbies or interests. I almost feel like a close friend has died.

This is so sad--I feel your pain.

I know we're not in any position to judge all the nuances of the years of your marriage, and we're only hearing one side of the story. But that said, you have a right to be happy in your retirement, and your wife has the right to refuse to participate, but NOT to prevent you from even owning the boat.

If she can't agree to a certain amount of time for you to enjoy your passion away from her (say a number of hours a week or a number of days a month), then she doesn't care about your happiness. What you decide to do about that is up to you.

And you are definitely NOT too old to find another partner, if that's what you decide is best for you.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by ntscout

Thanks to all for your advice. I rescinded the broker agreement and will hold onto the boat for now while trying to figure out exactly what the problem(s) are.

Good call! Don't do anything rash on either side of the spectrum.

Putting on the hard is a no-go but maybe a bit less sailing and bit more watching her on her horses might work,

Hopefully she will see your effort and concern for the relationship. On your end watch how much she actually appreciates that effort and if the appreciation is there does she reciprocate?

Best of luck to you and if you ever need someone to "watch" your boat for a while I'll be more then happy to help

[ntscout]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

Hopefully she will see your effort and concern for the relationship. On your end watch how much she actually appreciates that effort and if the appreciation is there does she reciprocate?

Best of luck to you and if you ever need someone to "watch" your boat for a while I'll be more then happy to help

Nice area you live in. Spent many summers in Laconia and learned to sail on Lake Winnipesaukee. Is Wier's Beach Lobster Pound still there?

[s.v_Patience]

My girlfriend of 20 years told me if i take the sail boat and sink it... then we can get married... i told her that she looses.. i lost her and kept the boat... the best decision i have ever made

S.V_Patience

[Shacklepin]

Married 34 years to a wonderful woman and mother who hated my/our boat then at 58 I met the girl of my dreams, half my age. She chased me. I was like you, resigned to the status quo when Christina turned on a light in my soul. We've been together now for six years and will be casting off the dock lines in two years. "Life is not always a dream - make your dream your life"


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[Terra Nova]

Originally Posted by ntscout

...I have been given an ultimatum about my "obsession" and told to sell it because it is damaging the marriage...

If you have grown accustomed to a life of responding/reacting to ultimatums, then I really feel sorry for you and wish you good luck with your boat sale.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by ntscout

Nice area you live in. Spent many summers in Laconia and learned to sail on Lake Winnipesaukee. Is Wier's Beach Lobster Pound still there?

I've spent just about every weekend during the summer and yearly 2 week vacations on the boat / lake since I've been 7. I live in mass but consider the lake my home. Unfortunately the lobster pound has now become the Faro Italian Grille. Alot has changed but the lake is still beautiful and Bike week is still an entertaining event.

[Venture21]

Whatever happens...remember anger makes us all stupid!
Why does it you say; because we say hurtful words to each other that we often can never take back. Even worse than that, if we get so over worked with anger, we may well start pushing, hitting, etc. Life is short, so please share in life's simple pleasures.
Done of us has the right to demand on another that they should part with what is a passion.

[tfrank]

Counseling sounds like an appropriate solution but don't sell the boat until the counseling has progressed enough for that to be a solution. It sounds to me like selling the boat is not a solution but only a beginning of something worse.
Good luck.

[Greatketch33]

The entire matter is more likely about something else rather than the boat. Seek out the root issue(s).

[kdarling]

I am sure you will miss her, but when your heading out for a nice cruise it will ease your loss.


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[In Training]

Just another -- DON'T SELL THE BOAT!!!!! -- Comment. You don't take things that people love away from them, if you love the person, because you want them to be happy.

[CarlF]

I faced a slightly different problem about 10 years ago. My wife enjoyed the boat -- but it certainly wasn't her passion. She was in "good trooper" mode when we went sailing. One day we had a particularly nasty four hour beat to windward in the rain. She didn't complain but I could tell that I'd be sailing alone if this happened many more times.

So I sold the boat and made it a project to buy a boat that she would enjoy more. I worked very hard to make it "our" boat too. It took some compromises on my part. The new boat isn't as pretty but is much more comfortable below. It doesn't heel nearly as much. The head is electric and the shower is separate and roomy. I loved the old boat more but I love sailing in almost any boat.

The new boat kept her sailing. We are on the boat much more than in the past - cruising almost 1/3 of the year. The other half is ashore where she has more interests but I'm happy with the trade.

This plan won't work if your wife really hates the ocean. Perhaps no boat will do it. But beautifully restored old boats tend to be wet, heal a lot, and be really cramped below. A combination that many women find hard to love.

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by CarlF

I faced a slightly different problem about 10 years ago. My wife enjoyed the boat -- but it certainly wasn't her passion. She was in "good trooper" mode when we went sailing. One day we had a particularly nasty four hour beat to windward in the rain. She didn't complain but I could tell that I'd be sailing alone if this happened many more times.

So I sold the boat and made it a project to buy a boat that she would enjoy more. I worked very hard to make it "our" boat too. It took some compromises on my part. The new boat isn't as pretty but is much more comfortable below. It doesn't heel nearly as much. The head is electric and the shower is separate and roomy. I loved the old boat more but I love sailing in almost any boat.

The new boat kept her sailing. We are on the boat much more than in the past - cruising almost 1/3 of the year. The other half is ashore where she has more interests but I'm happy with the trade.

This plan won't work if your wife really hates the ocean. Perhaps no boat will do it. But beautifully restored old boats tend to be wet, heal a lot, and be really cramped below. A combination that many women find hard to love.

[Crosis]

Originally Posted by letsgetsailing3

Wouldn't the same apply to him?

This is a relationship issue, which means some compromise is likely required from both parties.

Or, they can just part ways, but usually that's more costly than a restored boat.

Ultimatums are not compromise. She made it clear she was not willing to compromise.