Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

[exMaggieDrum]

Pardon for going on too much. But one other thing that has scared the bejeesus out of us is coming back to the marina slip and the visitors try to help with lines in ways that did not follow instructions. It would make our lawyers and their or our doctors happy but not so much us.

[sbaydreamer]

Many people would say it's nice to see your friends! No?!

[Joe Okros]

Your problem is twofold, you have "friends" and you are too polite. The one problem reinforces the other, stop being polite and just be real, you will have a dramatic reduction in the number of friends but they will be real friends you can depend on.

[Sailor 99]

Originally Posted by degouwb

Wow....I'm amazed at how many boat owners can't be bothered to be friendly to their supposed "friends". They must have friends on some level before and now because you have a "yacht" they become a bother??!! Sure it's a bit of bother to entertain but I'm sure you would at least be cordial if at your "land house". I always appreciate experiencing, all over again, the beauty of sailing through someone else's eyes.

A sailboat whether it will be 30 ft or 50 ft is in fact a very small space. I have stayed aboard with people on their boats and had people stay aboard on our boat. It has not always worked out.

I am now very careful who I stay with and who I invite. It can be a lot of fun but when it goes sideways it really goes sideways and you end up not friends.

I know some people who have a Hylas 49. Decent people. Nobody except family stays aboard for more than 3 days. Full stop.

I can think of 3 couples who I would have on board for a week right now. That's it. I would stay on their boat and would be welcome. I would not stay on anyone else's boat for for an extended period. I would help with a delivery.

Some rules for when your visiting. Always do more than your share of the cooking cleaning etc or at least offer. Always buy more than your share of the booze and food. Always help with costs if you go into a marina or get fuel.

[Sailor 99]

Originally Posted by Fore and Aft

I am with Yalnud, you sound a bit uptight.
Some of our best days on the water have been with friends and complete strangers that friends bring along. Whats the worst that can happen, sail to a nice bay have a bite to eat, maybe a swim and head back. Really whats an afternoon out of your life? Hell even if it is the worst day ever its still going to make a good story later.

We have taken people we have just met on a public bus sailing and friends of friends have come out with us for an afternoon. Its all fun and makes for some good memories.

Cheers

A day sail is not a problem. I took the OP to mean visiting for an extended period. Not sure about the bus thing.

[samfreeland]

I think you would be doing your so called friends a favour not letting them visit you. Let's face it who would want to visit when they are not really welcome. And walk unknowingly in to this kind of situation.

[dkroar]

Originally Posted by CptCrunchie

Would you be willing to share those too?

Sure, keeping in mind of course, that they will be specific to Denali Rose.
Donna

[wa1bda]

It probably stems from the old saying, "the only better than having a boat is having a friend with a boat..."

[Leo Ticheli]

I don't know if I'm just lucky, naive, or some other convergence of factors is at play, but I've never had a rude, inconsiderate, or otherwise unpleasant guest aboard. We've had friends, neighbors, and strangers for day-sails and week-long cruises, a couple of favorite restaurant servers, including one sixty-plus-year-old lady of very modest circumstances, honeymooners, and a blind girl we taught to handle the boat by feeling the wind on her face and listening to the sails. That last was a reward I won't soon forget.

I'm comfortable, if far from wealthy, but have never asked a guest to pay for anything; perhaps it's the Italian blood that channels me to push food, wine, and rum on people. In reality, the financial cost of entertaining guests has been quite small; what's a few extra Gulf shrimp and a couple of bottles of red from Costco? I don't think I burn more diesel by carrying a couple of guests.

I'm very sorry for those who have less than eupeptic experiences and will continue to muddle along tempting the fates to educate me with a passenger from hell.

Fair winds,
Leo

[JPA Cate]

Somewhere else, there's a thread about personal boat rules, but I think it's germane, here. When i first met him, Jim had a rule, aboard the Yankee, mind you, a 30 footer: if you or your kid plugs up the toilet, you un-clog it, under his instruction, but you do the work. The ~ 3 yr. old child, who is super conscious to get him/herself clean is a definite worry.

Visiting aboard a friend's canal boat, we were told, "no more than 4 sheets of toilet paper per flush. Period."

Most people have earned themselves an "adventure" before instating rules like those.

You have to train people who are not used to the ways of boats, and I can see how exMaggie Drum came to sail only with friends or rellies who are accustomed to boat life. We've been fortunate with our guests, that they either had boats of their own, or were amenable to a few basic rules, enforced, in the case of water, by actually hauling it to the boat and helping put it in the tanks. Most people otherwise will assume unlimited water. This is much more important when the visit is a cruising "vacation" for them, compared to a daysail. Our very best guests were welcome for 6 weeks at a time! But we started out with a 2 week limit, but that was with the 36 footer, the Yankee was too small for overnight guests, as we slept in the saloon.
Ann

[Laurie watson]

Why would you not want to share your Boat occasionally with good friends, much like having them over for dinner. If they are not good friends it should be easy to say no. Simple really

[Shrew]

Originally Posted by sbaydreamer

Many people would say it's nice to see your friends! No?!

Absolutely!!! We have a large number of friends in our boating 'community'. We also have a large number of friends NOT in our boating community. We love spending time with all of them.

However, the need to incorporate my non-boating friends into my boating pasttime is not logical. I have friends who rock climb. That doesn't mean we need to go rock climbing in order to spend time with them.

We share in the activities that we have in common with our friends. It's not complex. Just because we prefer to boat with my boating friends, doesn't make us anti-social.

In fact, it's the opposite. When we're in the local anchorages, we typically know a number of boats anchored around us. When there are 8 boaters sitting around chatting, and your non-boating friends are sitting there not knowing anyone and not following the 'boat chit chat' it becomes pretty boring for them.

[Icarus]

Originally Posted by The Black Pig

My wife and I are cruising on a old 32 ft. We're very content with our life, and I get the impression that it shows to friends landlubbers. The reality is that cruising is not that "epic" or "amazing!!!" as they think it is!
Yes we do have some unforgetable moments, colorful sunset, anchorages just for ouselves, memorable fishing, meet good people...
But those are the highlights of cruising. We often have to shelter from the weather sometimes staying in the boat for days, playing cards or fixing things and we're happy to spend this time together my wife and I.
We rarely go to the bar in fact the only money we spend is on stocking up food and on parts for the boat.
Some of our friends are happy to spend in a day what we spend in weeks or a month... But to them we're living the life!
In 5 years sailing we took 2 people for a week and by the end of it we were glad to see them going.
We also took few friends for a day sail or at anchor. After a couple of hours it become akward having to untertain them.
Every few month we get request for friends especially not so close friends wanting to "visit" us. What they really want is having a day on the boat. Whoever owns it.
How would you go about turning them down politely? Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???

I get it as well, i guess for most land locked people its a novelty and the don't understand that our boats are our homes.
I had a work mate asking me if he and his family can visit me on the yacht as his children never come across someone living on board a yacht. ( monkey in the zoo)
So i replied sure thing, my kids would like to see how people live in houses as well...
That fixed it.

[AKA-None]

I’ve found that rv people tend to get it more than others do. Except the heeling part.

[secrabtree]

Originally Posted by The Black Pig

My wife and I are cruising on a old 32 ft. We're very content with our life, and I get the impression that it shows to friends landlubbers. The reality is that cruising is not that "epic" or "amazing!!!" as they think it is!
Yes we do have some unforgetable moments, colorful sunset, anchorages just for ouselves, memorable fishing, meet good people...
But those are the highlights of cruising. We often have to shelter from the weather sometimes staying in the boat for days, playing cards or fixing things and we're happy to spend this time together my wife and I.
We rarely go to the bar in fact the only money we spend is on stocking up food and on parts for the boat.
Some of our friends are happy to spend in a day what we spend in weeks or a month... But to them we're living the life!
In 5 years sailing we took 2 people for a week and by the end of it we were glad to see them going.
We also took few friends for a day sail or at anchor. After a couple of hours it become akward having to untertain them.
Every few month we get request for friends especially not so close friends wanting to "visit" us. What they really want is having a day on the boat. Whoever owns it.
How would you go about turning them down politely? Why do friends feel so entitled to go sailing with us because we have a boat???

I've had a VERY different bunch of 'friends' than you. I always enjoyed introducing people - people that became friends - to sailing. The more frequent problem that I've had is that friends, many of them, have repeatanly said "next time you need crew give me a call," I hold my breath and resolve not to say "I don't need crew", so I don't say it. Instead I say "I'm going tomorrow. Want to come?"
Their response "Can't go tomorrow."
I volunteer "Next weekend ok?"
"I'll let you know."
And they never do, but keep telling me that they'd like to go sailing and "Let me know when you need crew."
They never come sailing and continually offer to come and be my crew.
I had less trouble getting strangers to PAY to sail for an afternoon on San Francisco Bay.
But while my wife and I were sailing in Mexico there were a few times that we had the pleasure of having friends fly down to sail with us for a week or two.