Sharing Cruising Plans With Family and Friends

[awaywego]

For those of you who have taken the leap into full time cruising with kids, how did you tell family and friends of your plans? Were the responses generally positive or negative? How did you respond or handle the negative responses?
We have not yet told any family or friends of our cruising plans, as we are in the very early stages. However, I’m anxious of the responses we will encounter when we do decide to tell them and just curious as to responses you received.

[zeehag]

plans disappear in wet sand =---there is no way to be able to plan a cruising lifestyle.
even sans kids--i do have a critter my momma loves--lol---so i use spot and facebook for their enjoyment purposes...and i learn how my family is doing as well--example--my cousin just lost his everything in a river rerouting experience in boulder, colo----there are other ways to do it--but this works without fees, except the spot part of it all. momma and my sibs can see where i am at any time i decide to punch that here i am button.
with fb, they can see my pictures i post showing the scenery where i am
they are happy and so am i--
bumfuzzles blog is a good example for those with kids travelling---they are in mazatlan now.

[teneicm]

Most of our friends were excited and supportive (and most did not tell us to our faces that we were crazy). Our parents were not happy and were not shy about saying so but we answered their many questions and even wrote a long letter to them trying to explain our motivations. We have been out here 9 months now and both sets of parents have visited us. I think they feel better now because they have seen us in our element. Also, they have had time to get used to the whole thing (as have we!) They still miss us and the grandkids of course (it's mutual).

[zeehag]

i trained my momma to not worry --i think---by mortifying her regularly--i worked sports car racing many years on track flag crew---lol i called it playing in traffic at 185 mph...heck it was fun!!! so she knows she cannot mess with us kids--we hard headed and our jobs are one---to mortify momma to keep her young. so far it is working--the lady is very young. we are her horrid children. she tells me she wants to know where to send the veterinarian search and rescue for bubba, therefore, spot tracker.

[rebel heart]

We had kids between deciding to do it and leaving, so they kept waiting for us to come to our senses and hit the eject button.

Some people have been great, most in fact. Some have been less then supportive. I've seen problems related to brothers and sisters sort of pissed off that they have to shoulder a lot of the family burdens back home while their sibling goes sailing about.

When people share their opinion with me I try to qualify it a little bit. If someone who's never been much of an adventurer is telling me not to go on an adventure, well, that makes sense.

In my opinion the best thing you can be for your kid is a role model. Turnings dreams into achievable goals via a plan, and sticking through it when people tell you it's stupid, is the kind of thing kids need to be around more often. When some parents who see their kids for a few hours a day lecture you on your decisions, consider the source.

[svseachange]

We have cruised with a four year old for six months now and put more than 2300 nautical miles under the keel.

I think it really depends on how insulated and/or provincial your family is. In general, the more interesting their life stories are the more likely they will enthusiastically support you. We have told most of our friends and family we are going to explore on a sailboat, and one day we might just make (home) it to Australia from the USA. We have others we are simply going cruising south to warmer climates to ambiguous locales.

I think it's better not to tell family and friends of grand plans because that might put you undue pressure. Undue pressure and/or schedules are the worst things to have on a sailboat.

I suggest you just tell family and friends you are going cruise on a sailboat and to downplay your ambitions as much as possible. After you have spent some time on the sailboat, and they read your blog and listen to your stories they will probably become comfortable and supportive of you.

[awaywego]

Originally Posted by shanedennis

I think it's better not to tell family and friends of grand plans because that might put you undue pressure. Undue pressure and/or schedules are the worst things to have on a sailboat.

I suggest you just tell family and friends you are going cruise on a sailboat and to downplay your ambitions as much as possible. After you have spent some time on the sailboat, and they read your blog and listen to your stories they will probably become comfortable and supportive of you.

This is what I've been thinking as well. Just tell them very generally that we're going sailing for a while, see what happens, downplay our ambitions. Great advice.

[familycruisers]

Funny how I can match everyones comment on their various relatives reaction with one of our own.
Her dad, "youre being dangerous and irresponsible."
Her mom, " oh that's great! " patiently, anxiously, awaiting us to hit eject
Her aunt, " That's great!" and meant it.
My dad, " you're nuts, be safe, have fun" (doesn't like water, in fact I just learned he doesn't swim, never knew)
All over the spectrum, but I also downplayed any grand plans and just conveyed what the possible itinerary was for the winter months away from the Chesapeake.
Good luck, families can be tough.

[awaywego]

Just reading back over some of these responses for advice. We are very close now (almost a year since our original post) to revealing our intentions to family and I'm getting nervous. Her dad has no idea and will not understand this choice to go live on a boat. He lives his life very much by the book and very conservatively. My mom is going to be very upset that her granddaughters will be less accessible. My dad is going to be very concerned about his granddaughters' safety.

Our house is going under contract this week and they are all asking questions. Can anyone empathize with this situation? Advice?


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[JPA Cate]

Tell them you're going cruising, and the reasons for it to which they can best relate. Try to keep it concrete. It will not be the whole story.

Tell them how to contact you in case of emergency, e-mail, mobile phone, Satphone, whatever.

If it's true, tell them that you will return if there is an emergency, otherwise, don't make a promise you will not be able to fulfill. The reasons don't matter, IMO. Otherwise you have to tell them you won't be able to return, or leave that up to the fates and your location when it happens.

Then go, it is after all, your lives, and you do get to choose how to live them. Remind those whom you do love that you love them. Try and arrange some form of communication with them.

Good luck with it,

Ann [well over 20 yrs liveaboard cruising]

[Group9]

I found that last time, and this time (preparing to go again in four months) the main question from everyone is, "When are you coming back?" and the answer, "When we feel like it," seems to distress them more than us leaving.

People like certainty and to many, knowing your family or friends are out cruising in the wild blue, and not knowing when, or if, they will see them again, doesn't give them that feeling. If you want to make them more okay with it, try working on that aspect.

[a64pilot]

I'm basically going to abandon our Daughter in her first yr of college. Wife has made me promise we won't leave the US for the first yr. I told her the Bahamas is almost the US isn't it? My plan is a Sat phone, I figure we could get from the Bahamas to US Southeast by flight in a hurry if needed, but I do worry about her, she is not very mature for her age at all. But, Hell, I went off to Military school at the ripe old age of 13 and I survived.
My parents passed several years ago, my wife's, well I haven't asked their opinion, but being retired military we have been gone overseas for years at a time anyway.
As my wife's Father's health declines I can see that as a potential problem, one I will have to deal with, I assume she will leave the boat to be with him, but I won't, I'll attend a funeral though of course.

[JPA Cate]

The people whom you leave just have to put up with the uncertainty. I guess it depends on whether you are comfortable lying, but for myself, I always told everyone that we'd let them know well before we got back, if we were going to fly back, and otherwise expect us to be absent.

As to A64pilot's young daughter, she's going to have to learn to cope sometime, and she sure as heck isn't going to do it any younger. I'd try to have some kind of a safety net in place, but, I really think we do kids a disservice when we keep them dependent on us
-- they just don't learn to look after themselves well.

Life can be pretty tricky these days, and the more self sufficient the child/young adult becomes, the less likely they are to drift off into relationships where they are dominated and taken advantage of.

Ann

[Neptune's Gear]

Yep, once again I agree with Ann!
We left our younger daughter when she was 18. She matured pretty fast, with a couple of speed bumps. The following year she left NZ and did a trip to the USA to be a counselor at camp america. She really has developed into a mature capable woman we are very proud of. At work she manages staff 2x her age!

Go. Go now. Tell the family the basic facts. If they are not sailors they will not understand anyway, and may overestimate the risks. Its safer than driving on a busy motorway.

[Tx J]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

I'm basically going to abandon our Daughter in her first yr of college. Wife has made me promise we won't leave the US for the first yr. I told her the Bahamas is almost the US isn't it? My plan is a Sat phone, I figure we could get from the Bahamas to US Southeast by flight in a hurry if needed, but I do worry about her, she is not very mature for her age at all. But, Hell, I went off to Military school at the ripe old age of 13 and I survived.
My parents passed several years ago, my wife's, well I haven't asked their opinion, but being retired military we have been gone overseas for years at a time anyway.
As my wife's Father's health declines I can see that as a potential problem, one I will have to deal with, I assume she will leave the boat to be with him, but I won't, I'll attend a funeral though of course.

I'll be the one to urge you to reconsider this timeline, for your daughters sake. Ann and Neptune make good points, but that first year (or at least semester) is the most critical.
One of our daughters was tops in high school a decade ago (as was the other, the next year), extremely level-headed, self directed & disciplined, mature, ambitious, goal oriented, well traveled, all that stuff.
She left a fairly rural little high school and jumped into one of the major unis (TX A&M-CS), and that first year turned out a little rocky in several ways, requiring some up-close handholding a few times (mostly from mom of course, ~250mile RT; I wuz mostly logistics packmule on moving days-- yow how they can fill a dorm or apt up...).
Her first semester was in a dorm with another girl and there turned out to be a bit of a conflict. Roommate turned out to be a bible thumping party animal , who could foresee that?
Plus all the other factors involved with a major life change. It all got ironed out as the semesters went by, and not so many bumps from then on.
Of course she went on to graduate Summa, finished her dual Masters last year, and has been really rising up through the ranks, the last 5-6 years, of a very well-known company I'll bet you're familiar with. And just had her dream wedding$$$$ .


Mil skool? MMA?

Not going to touch that FiL topic, BTDT.