Your Better Half . . . In or Out ?

[hpeer]

The jury is out. After several years I finally got her on the boat for a five day cruise last summer. Moderately successful. Two nights at a dock. One night on anchor. Another at a B&B. Out of the ground swell she is fine. Chop is kinda iffy. Ground swell? No!

She is still quite apprehensive but.... we just put in an offer on a new used boat, more suited to her needs. Her dime!

Not entirely voluntary. I'm completely sick of work and want to quit and take off. It's too the point where I can hardly stand it any more.

She wants to work for a while longer. This boat is a compromise, weekends on the Chesapeake and I try to stick it out for a couple of years.

So she is trying like hell to make it work. I just hope it does. I think she will be OK on the Bay with no swell. Maybe, just maybe, she will get sufficiently comfortable on the boat to relax more.

I am absolutely convinced that much of her seasickness is just anxiety. I used to joke that she got seasick at West Marine. Then one day she got "queasy" on a 98' CG cutter, tied to the dock, flat calm. The Coxswain and I were discussing roll. The thought of the motion got to her. Not quite "on dry land" but close. I've seen here take Scope to walk on the dock at Annapolis Boat Show. But, another time, sitting on a wharf, a big tug went by. The wake rocked the wharf. Not much but very perceptible. She, however, was looking at something else or talking about something interesting - and didn't feel a thing.

Good thread. We should keep it going to see how our plans all work out.

[elf]

Originally Posted by hpeer

She wants to work for a while longer. This boat is a compromise, weekends on the Chesapeake and I try to stick it out for a couple of years.

So she is trying like hell to make it work. I just hope it does. I think she will be OK on the Bay with no swell. Maybe, just maybe, she will get sufficiently comfortable on the boat to relax more.

Your wife sounds like me! I don't get seasick, but I do get anxious when the wind and waves pipe up, or when we are approaching a dock or slip, or get too close to a larger vessel in the ICW, for example. I don't like being a "Nervous Nellie" and am trying to R E L A X out there, but it's hard when we don't get out all that much.

Wishing the best for you and your wife. Hopefully the rewards of sailing/cruising will outweigh the fears for her (and for me!) over time.

[sv-Mystique]

The Admiral is all in - the sooner the better!

[Morganministry]

Don't know how to get the whole family in at the same time.

When we go ocean fishing, my 6 year old son can go out with me all day ridding giant swells and all manor of motion, but my wife gets sick just walking on the dock.

When we go lake fishing, my wife can stay out all day, but my son gets sick at the dock.


My wife says we just need to stay away from the docks.

I said no problem we can just anchor out.

Scott

[Cloud IX]

In 2002, we were invited to spend the day with friends on the Chesapeake Bay. After a leaiserly trip to St. Michaels for lunch and cocktails back at their marina, the wife and I started the drive back to DC. We had covered less than three miles when she said, "We could do that."

"Do what", I asked?

"We could buy a boat." she replied.

I pointed out that we had been searching for a summer home on Lake Seneca and that it would streach things a bit to do both. She immediately dismissed the summer home concept by saying she would love to have a summer home where the scenery could be changed.

Three years later, we had the attended a number of schools, passed the test for CG OUPV license (no, we did not apply for the license, only wanted to get the basic knowledge), and chartered several boats of the models we were considering buying.

Then we decided to look at the North Pacific 42 trawler. When I called the builder to see if there was one on the East coast we could look at, he said there were none. As an alternative, he invited us to the Seattle boat show. My schedule wouldn't allow us to make it prior to the night of the show closing. No problem, we could meet him the morning following the boat show and take his demo boat from Seattle to Vancouver with him. Since I had a free companion ticket on Jet Blue and they had a sale from DC to Seattle for $129, it was a no brainer.

We met Trevor on Monday morning after the show, just after sun up. As we walked down the dock toward the boat, my wife began to smile. The closer we got to the boat, the more she smiled. By the time we stepped on the boat, she was beaming. Three minutes late, she declared, "This is it. This is my boat."

As Trevor showed us around, she started asking questions about modifications. For each question, whe made a written note of the answer. (All I could think of was the $ each of the mods would cost, but Trevor explained that he did not charge for modifications as long as they weren't too extreme.)

We took a leasurly trip up the Strait of Georgia to White Horse where Trevor left us alone to spend the night on the boat after treating us to a great dinner in a restaurant overlooking the harbor. After dinner we walked back to the boat and must have been awake until well after midnight (0300 our time) as we talked about what we wanted to do.

We continued North the next morning with my wife at the wheel. She didn't even want to hand it over when were were getting four foot beam seas. It was very obvious to both Trevor and I who was in charge. It became even more obvious when, after reaching the dock in Vancouver, when she asked how much of a deposit he required as she pulled a check book from her bag.

Almost two years later we splashed Cloud IX in Newport News. The smile she had on her face in Seattle paled by comparison to the smile she had on her face when she stepped aboard her own boat.

About six months later while were heading down the Chesapeake, she ask what I thought about selling the house (we had just signed a contract on a new one in Vero Beach) and living aboard full time. I told her I could go for that, but only if I could retire (again) and we could become full time cruisers. Not a problem she said. Let's get the house built and then put it on the market. This was just prior to the housing crash. We still own the house, but will put it on the market at some future point. (In the meantime, she is again looking at boats.)

I spend most of my time as a live aboard while she splits time between Vero and DC. We are both getting excited about heading South until we can buy some of the cheap SA diesel.

Thank you for bearing with me through this short cronicle. It's something I have wanted to put on paper for a while. In answer to the original post, that is how the love of my life, who grew up spending summers in Maine and got her first boat when she was seven, convinced me to buy a boat and become a live aboard.

[READY2GO]

Great post Cloud IX, Thats fantastic (even if it is a stinkpot).

[Stillraining]

Great story Cloud 9..thanks for sharing...How about a picture of the beaming smile!

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by Cloud IX

Thank you for bearing with me through this short cronicle.
.

It was a pleasure.

[Cloud IX]

Stillraining,

There are photos. She loves to navigate too. The house in the background is Mr. Washington's home.

[James S]

Excellent...thanks

[elf]

Originally Posted by Cloud IX

Stillraining,

There are photos. She loves to navigate too. The house in the background is Mr. Washington's home.

OT: I like your wife's haircut...have printed it out to take to my stylist.

[Cloud IX]

"I like your wife's haircut..."

Elf,

She likes it because it's low maintenance (just like her).

[Canibul]

Well, considering she just spent last week in the USVI with me getting her own ASA Basic, Coastal Cruising, Bareboat and Catamaran certifications, and has been comparing Corsairs to Geminis since we got back, and is talking about where our next charter should be....

I would say all indications are that she's in.....

[Solitude]

IN! But ours is a long-term plan where we gradually head out for longer cruising vacations and size up in boats. Both of us have extensively traveled the world for work and play. We are very adapted to the traveling lifestyle and cultural, political differences. We have current commitments here but we are looking forward to live the cruising life.

Currently there is an imbalance in confidence and practice between us. We have 20 years to practice before full timing it…..

[Stillraining]

Way to go 2G

I could not resist moving Gregs post over here its a great one.

Originally Posted by Delezynski
Rickwig,


Treat her as an equal!
Then, slowly introduce her to the possibilities of what might be. Get all the sailing / cruising DVDs (in my case it was VHS tapes) you can find and view them together.
Then agree what is important to each of you on a boat. NOT just what you think.
Once you get a boat, any boat, THAT YOU BOTH AGREE ON, START SLOWLY!
MANY cruises have come to a quick end because of a “rush” to get “out there” and wind up in bad weather with having the experience of a lot of good weather.


If you look at our web site, and see the article Good Old Boat did on us, you will see some words that Jill gave to the editor.


IT WORKS!


Greg