It occurred to me tonight when looking for a little levity that I had not seen a thread devoted to jokes around here. I did a quick search and couldn't find one.
I did find a funny
set of nautical terms on another forum to start things off. If you have a joke to share, preferably boating
loosely related to boating
add it on and in no time we'll have our own archive.
The first in a series of four letter words commonly exchanged by skippers as their boats approach one another
Long. Low lying navigational hazard, usually awash, found at river mouths and harbour entrances, where it is composed of sand or mud, and ashore, where it is made of mahogany or some other dark wood. Sailors can be found in large numbers around both.
A Laterally mounted spar to which a sail is fastened, used during jibing to shift crew members to a fixed, horizontal position.
Discomfort suffered by sailors who drink too much
A cramped, closet like compartment below decks where crew members may be stored – on their sides if large or on end if small – until needed.
Sea condition characterised by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind
and the last cold beer
Narrow stretch of deep or dredged waterway bordered by buoys or markers that separates two or more grounded boats
Tidal flow that carries a boat away from it desired destination
or toward a hazard.
Series of maintenance
tasks performed on boats ashore during good weather
weekends in spring and summer months to make them ready for winter storage
Rubber swimming aid worn on the feet. Usually available in two sizes, 3 and 17
Anything floating in the water
from which there is no response when an offer of a cocktail is made.
The portion of an anchor
that digs securely into the bottom: also, any occasion when this happens on the first try.
Ancient: Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery.
Modern: Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery
Generic term for any pieces of boating equipment
that can be forgotten in the back-seat or boot of a car, left behind on a pontoon, soaked in the bottom of a dinghy
over the side of the boat.
Movable mountings often found on shipboards lamps, compasses etc which provide dieting passengers an opportunity to observe the true motions of the ship in relation to them, and thus prevent any recently ingested food
from remaining in their digestive systems long enough to be converted into unwanted calories.
Embarrassing situation in which a sailor returns to shore without leaving his boat.
An opening in a deck
leading to the cabin
below with a cover designed to let water
in while keeping fresh air out.
The maximum theoretical velocity of a given boat through the water, which is 1.5 times the square root of its waterline length in feet, divided by the distance to port in miles, minus the time in hours to sunset cubed.
Course change which causes the boom to sweep rapidly across the cockpit
; also, frequent type of comment made by observers of this manoeuvre.
A light line attached to a small article so that it can be secured somewhere well out of reach.
The direction in which objects, liquids and other matter may be thrown without risk of re encountering them in the immediate future.
Any personal floatation device that will keep an individual who has fallen off a vessel, above water long enough to be run over by it or another rescue
The shorter aft mast
on a yawl or ketch
. Any mast
that is no longer there.
Earth’s natural satellite
. During periods when it displays a vivid blue colour, sailing conditions are generally favourable.
A hybrid boat that combines the simplicity and reliability
of sail power with the calm and serenity of a throbbing engine
Demanding form of sailing practised by sportsman whose idea of a good time is standing under an ice cold shower
, fully clothed while re examining there last meal.
Basically a voyage from point A to point B, interrupted by unexpected landfalls or stopovers at point K, point Q, and point Z.
Harbour landing place that goes crack, crunch when hit
The art of getting lost
in sight of land, as opposed to the distinct and far more complex science of navigation
used to get lost in offshore
1. Left on a boat.
2. A place you wish you never left on a boat.
designed to wind
up at high speeds any lines left hanging over the stern.
Extremely realistic kind of electronic game
often found on larger sailboats. Players try to avoid colliding with “blips” which represent other sailboats, large container ships and oil
Organised sailing competition that pits yours against your opponents’ luck.
The find art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.
Sophisticated electronic location method that enables sailors to instantly determine the exact latitude and longitude, within just a few feet, anywhere on the surface of the surface of the earth, of whatever it was they just ran aground on.
The only situation in which the skipper
does not immediately blame the crew for every single
thing that goes wrong
Large beautiful balloon shaped sail used in powerful downwind sailing, collapses at the sides to make control difficult and when lowered stores neatly into the galley
and main cabin and heads all at the same time.
The rise and fall of ocean waters. There are two tides of interest to mariners: the ebb tide sailors encounter as they attempt to enter port and the flood tide they experience as they try to leave.
Horizontal spar mounted in such a way that when viewed from the cockpit
, the sun is always over it.