The Joke Thread

[Coops]

Sometimes you just need something like this.

After a long day this won't fail to make you laugh. [VIDEO]

Coops.

[Emmalina]

I tried to build a boat in one weekend but couldn't get the hull thing done!

[delmarrey]

If you have a problem with stair wells this should freak you out!


Amazing Stairwell Illusion

[Rhapsody-NS27]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

If you have a problem with stair wells this should freak you out!


Amazing Stairwell Illusion

One heck of a fire exit.

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

If you have a problem with stair wells this should freak you out!


Amazing Stairwell Illusion

My mind is totally BOGGLED!!!

[delmarrey]

This is how god made woman...........



.

[T1 Terry]

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!

'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'

The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'

Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'

The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'

Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,

'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'


She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, ......it's a fekin' good ting we didn't use WD-40.

T1 Terry

[delmarrey]

I just received my tax return for 2012 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all
dependents?"

I replied...............
12 million illegal immigrants;

3 million crack heads;

42 million unemployed people on food stamps;

2 million people in over 243 prisons;

Half of Mexico;

And 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate."

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE HELL DID I MISS?

[Tonyjay]

Looks to me like this tread got hijacked! Back to jokes please!

[Coops]

As you can see I have deleted five posts that did not belong on here. This thread is for a little light relief when you need a chuckle. Leave political discussions etc. for somewhere else. Thank you.

Coops.

[D&D]

Originally Posted by Coops

As you can see I have deleted five posts that did not belong on here. This thread is for a little light relief when you need a chuckle. Leave political discussions etc. for somewhere else. Thank you.

Coops.

Thank you!! ...although perhaps the 'Yorkshire girls' post was back in the "light relief" vein...?

[Unkle Toad]

ok this one is for those that live on land but still funny

Q. How do you get a drummer off of your Porch










A. Pay him for the pizza.



Cheers

[D&D]

...and flirting at the edge of political, but still hopefully squarely in the 'light relief' vein...

Canoe Race

A Japanese company (Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors)
decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced
long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the
reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior
management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering,
while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting
company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They
advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not
enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another
loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally
reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and
1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person
rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing
Team Quality First Program," with meetings, dinners and free pens for the
rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other
equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by TWO miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor
performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and
canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was
distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing
team was out-sourced to India.

[T1 Terry]

A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow.......

He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks:

"If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"

The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says,

"Nah, ye can gae ahead."

Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli.

The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl.

The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got too".


T1 Terry

[squidward]

And I was eating dinner.