Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mate Group

[Ocean Girl]

It is just the odds are not in your favor. But heck, lightning does strike; calm seas and beam winds do happen; and folks do win the lottery

osirissail, we just need to know how to turn the odds in our favor. Meeting someone in a bar? not good odds. Meeting someone in a sailboat race or cruisers party? better odds. Also, the lone life doesn't lend well to a mate, shaking off some loner traits will also increase your odds.
Cheers,
Erika

[osirissail]

- - From my half of the gender world - it is hard work but persistence and patience pays off. Search and post on sites like Find a Crewâ„¢ Worldwide - The World's largest Online Marine Crew Network or this forum or other cruising forums or crew forums. You have to blanket the whole world of sailing and specifically cruising venues.
- - Then you need to post on the sites or write a brutality honest introduction letter paragraph. Balance it with half good aspects of the lifestyle and your desires and needs. The other half is of your "not needs and not desires". Alternating sentences between the two. This will eliminate 90% of the not serious or only interested in "one thing" people. Remember, we are looking for that 0.0001% of the world's population that fit's your needs. It's the old - "gotta kiss a lotta frogs before finding your prince" thing.
- - Then a long series of letters starting out with the positive aspects of the lifestyle and your personality and gently working in following letters to more of the negative aspects of the cruising lifestyle and your personality. That will take over a year - it takes that long to get past the - "I tell you anything, to get into your pants" phase and finally into a real honest discussion of feelings and aspirations. And, find a person who you enjoy "talking" with and vice versa. Like cruising on a sailboat, the exciting passages on the oceans and seas are only 10% of the time, the other 90% you are in harbors living and exploring. Having somebody who enjoys conversing with you is a high priority item. Again, 90% will disappear. But you are only looking for "one" - right? If not, then you have to switch to "Moslem" so you can have up to 4.
- - Finally, you have to, like shoes, try them on while at sea for a month or two. Not less than one month! - You cannot get past the "Oh gee, wow, oh, oh, again, again" part in less than 3 weeks. The allure of the oceans, the islands, the peace of mind and a partnership then separates the men from the boys and you may find a "keeper." If not you start all over again. Running parallel searches and discussions and trial runs works best unless you are 16 and can afford 20 years doing the process sequentially. If may sound brutal or "not nice" but you have a need to fulfill - before you get too old to enjoy life and the oceans. You have an objective and the end result will be two happy people instead to two lonely people. Forget the fairy tales and romance novels, this is real life and there is an "expiration date" on it.

[hoppy]

Interesting thread Maybe I'll have to join the group once I have a yacht.

The findacrew.com site looks like it will be nice and handy for me in the future. I could not help doing a few searches for women looking to crew and found this comment on one profile.

"Very Dissapointed in the outcome, have crossed 3 continents and have been unable to find a boat that I could crew on, due to the owners/captains requirements to have a relationship from day one, be realistic guys. and have a look in the mirrow."

Looks like a few captains struggle to behave themselves

[Ocean Girl]

Hoppy, don't need a yacht to join the singles group, maybe your soul mate already has a yacht

As far as findacrew member having trouble with uh er "friendly" captains, the best way to avoid that is crew for a Husband/wife team. I had the same trouble and learned real quick to pick family boats. Besides, Family boats tend to have better safety equipment and less risky behavior.
Cheers,
Erika

[Maddie123]

I'm a 60 year old self employed nurse consultant and travel extensively with my career. The sailing bug bit me about 7 years ago when I had a "significant other" who was a very experienced sailor. Up until then I hadn't even been on a sailboat! We sailed off the North Carolina coast every weekend and took an annual trip from NC up into the Chesapeake bay on his 30ft. cruiser. We planned on buying a bigger boat when he retired to liveaboard, and had our future all planned out. Our relationship ended before that ever happened, and of course it changed everything.
I've spent the last several years involved in my work, and have finally come to a profound conclusion. My sadness over the end of our relationship wasn't about him, but about our dream and the sailing. So I'm working toward having my own boat, becoming a liveaboard, and living my own dream. Very few people, let alone men, can even grasp what I'm talking about. They talk about their houses, gardening, some even talk about sailing. (Usually it involves having a little sailboat to take out onto a lake!?!?) Needless to say, I don't date much! LOL
Now, I do enjoy the things a man can offer, such as carrying things that are really really heavy, those backrubs, among other things, but I'm to the point in my life where I don't feel as if I NEED one. That's not to say I wouldn't WANT one in my life. Understand?
All that being said, maybe there's someone out there who wouldn't mind an independent woman who isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty. Believe me, I'm not one of those women who simply sunbathes on the bow of the boat waiting for a man to bring her a drink! I've helped put in a hot water heater, painted, waxed, dropped anchor, cranked many a winch handle, and steered, and loved every minute of it.
Thanks for starting the group and hope I haven't bored everyone!

[Tom Hildebrandt]

Originally Posted by Maddie123

Needless to say, I don't date much! LOL
!

Not dating is something that rather much goes with this cruising lifestyle if you are single and over 35 or so. Hard to meet like minded folks if you are out and away cruising.

I have used several websites, including findacrew, all have their drawbacks. Findacrew is expensive, although you can 'surf" for free, actually getting in touch with a possible crew cost some serious bucks, I think a week costs about what most dating sites want for a two or three month pass. Also most folks on there are looking for paying jobs, it really is not a "dating" service although it offers that as an option in the profile questions.

The best site I have found is Fitness Singles, lots of folks into sailing and related activities, (scuba/snorkeling/ hiking /travel/ ,) and almost everyone is into adventure type activities and are fit and in good health. The site is also not terribly expensive. The problem is after you have "met" on the site, the issue is how do you meet in person, the geographical seperation is a huge issue, so just going on a "first date" is an issue. That is not to say you can not meet some one who is willing to give it a go. I have had two ladies from the site show up for a week or so (no they did not come for the same week!) and both times were lots of fun! Great first dates, but still, it was only a week together, only so much cruising and sailiing, no passage making so not really test of how things would work out long term, but still dates with some one that really has potential.

All the other sites (Plenty of Fish comes to mind) have plenty of folks who have sailing as an interest, and lots who say they like to travel, but the sense of adventure that you must have to do this international sailing thing is just hard to find on the generic dating sites. Spontenous adventure to some of these folks is a spur of the minute decisionto go on an afternoon winetasting trip! To be sure, this is a nice activity, actually it sounds like fun, but the sense of adventure is a bit different than say making the passage from California to Fiji!.

Regards

Tom

[ColdFusion]

Erika, good luck with the crush. I hope it all works out

Welcome to all the new members of the group, and Maddie, you sound perfect. If only I was 20 years older...

Best wishes to one and all. Let's hope we all find what we are looking for.

Keith

[ColdFusion]

Originally Posted by Tom Hildebrandt

All the other sites (Plenty of Fish comes to mind) have plenty of folks who have sailing as an interest, and lots who say they like to travel, but the sense of adventure that you must have to do this international sailing thing is just hard to find on the generic dating sites. Spontenous adventure to some of these folks is a spur of the minute decisionto go on an afternoon winetasting trip!

Tom, I'm on Plenty of Fish and you are totally right about most people's idea of adventure! I've swapped messages with a few potentials and my heart sinks when they describe their idea of 'adventure' and 'travel'. I try to ease my ideas into the conversation and they just can't comprehend what I'm talking about and it quickly becomes clear that they won't even consider it. Bricks and mortar and a 'safe', conventional life with the usual dose of foreign holidays here and there is all most people want. Sad but true, but I still live in hope that she's out there somewhere!

[osirissail]

Maddie123 - - There are 2 (or more) kinds of sailing. I like to use the term "cruising sailor or cruiser" to denote people living full time on the sailboat and using it to get from one harbor to another harbor fairly frequently (e.g. stay in Grenada/Trinidad for hurricane season, but move back up island afterwards). This separates out the people living on a boat that never moves.
- - Sailors I call people who have sailboats but use then on weekends or for short voyages to the Bahamas, etc. and then return to their land houses for most of the year. That's just so we can be talking the same language.
- - We have and I have met a handfull of "senior" women (55-65+) who are living alone on their sailboats and moving from island to island just like they did when their husbands were alive. Some do it all by themselves (single-hand) but most take on a friend or crew to do the passage then resume their single-hand status. These woman end up with many friends and are very active amongst the activities in a cruising community. And they very often meet up with a senior male cruiser who is in exactly the same situation they are in. If things mesh, they combine efforts on the "better boat" and head off together as best buddies and friends.
- - It seems the key to their success is having their own boats that they use (with assistance if necessary) to sail from harbor to harbor. I am in the senior category myself and have found a great first mate. But I firmly believe that a "real" cruising woman with her own boat who is "out here" will be overwhelmed with the invitations and activities and chances to meet other "out here" cruisers. But be warned, we cruisers are an eccentric and strange looking group and also very giving and friendly. My motto is - "weird is wonderful" (good, clean, healthy, weird - not wacko weird). It certainly makes life more enjoyable and interesting.

[nautical62]

Here's my experience:

Dating in small town Iowa, is difficult as it is. Trying to find someone who has the time and passion to make adventure a major part of their life is nearly impossible.

For me taking a date cruising, is usually not the jump start to a relationship, but rather the beginning of the end. Either they've never really been into it and it shows or no matter what I say, they have that cinematic fairy tale idea of cruising which reality does not live up to. They really don't want a lifestyle that is more like glorified camping that a carnival cruise. I've found that more often than not, traditional dating, hinders the cruising dream, not make it more likely. (One very tough time where I started dating someone and they wanted people I was cruising with to all cancel.)

I've had several times I've sailed with women from one of the crew finder sites. My goal there has not been to be focused on a search for a life partner, but rather to enjoy a fun cruise with someone and it goes where it goes. While I'd love to find that special someone, I certainly have no regrets about just meeting an another sailing enthusiast and sharing a fun cruise together. I've developed several sailing companions that ended up being nothing more than friends. On the occasions it has the potential to be more, the hold up is simply one of geography. It will be several years yet before I can cut the lines completely, so in the mean time, it's going to be mostly a 5 weeks per year type thing. Even when you connect regarding the boat lifestyle, how do you make it work as a relationship, when for the foreseeable future, you each live and have careers a thousand or more miles a part?

It's something I still struggle with. The thing I have learned is that for me, the compatibility of loving to sail has to come first.

[imagine2frolic]

The sailing life is not for everyone. I met my ex, and she asked me my dream. I told her I was going to buy a boat, and sail from S.F. to the Caribbean. She was all over that dream, and claimed it was hers, and that she sailed already.

I bought a boat, and she knew nothing. She dated, and drank sailor's beer....lol. I charted in the BVI, and all she did was complain about the heat. I sailed from S.F., to Cabo solo. She flew to Cabo, and was sick, and unhappy on our sail to P.V. We both flew home, and were shortly divorced.

I looked, and looked, and then I met Melanie. She climbed mountains, and carried her bed, food, clothes, cooking utensils on her back to sleep under the stars. I thought she would have a chance, because like snails we would just take our home with us to sleep under the stars. After 10k miles, and nearly 7 years on the boat almost 90% of the time. She's still here, and we are now planning from N.E. Florida to S.F., or the Philippines. Possibly S.F., and then the Philippines? If your heart is set on cruising. Then you have find someone with a like mind, or willing to accept it.......i2f

[Ocean Girl]

Maddie123, Welcome to the forum.
You sound like such a neat person. Your post reminds me of my mom who sailed around the world. She was going to do it with or without a man but thankfully she met my dad and they had the adventure together. This forum is a great place to meet sailors and potential soul mates. I have to put a good word in for these guys who have always been respectful gentlmen to me.
Cheers,
Erika

[Maddie123]

Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome. I can certainly relate to the relationship stories. And I can relate to the "weird". My sailing partner (ex significant other) had a PhD in mathematics, and talk about eccentric! So I sort of got sort of used to it. You know the type....wearing khaki's until the lower edge of the cuff is threadbare because as he put it, "Who needs more than one pair of khaki pants?" Of course if you're living in tight spaces like on a sailboat that probably makes sense, but we weren't at the time!
Thanks again for the welcome!

[Ram]

Hi Everyone,(Ladies) Ive been on this forum for years now- the time just flies- Ive never posted here on this thread that i was "A lookin" so I will because the time is right.. for me!
On the surface, the basics of me are pretty standard stuff. Living, learning, growing. I am easy going, independent, idealistic, optimistic, great sense of humor, fun at times and serious when I need to be. I am young at heart and prefer simplicity. No drama here. I like to think I am smarter than the average bear, but sometimes... well, the beauty is in the imperfections, isn't it? I love Sailing , fishing, motor bikes-reading, writing, learning, good conversation, good cooking, travel and quality time at home or aboard my boat, based in Europe. See my website Sailing-Charters.org.
I have enjoyed many successes in my life and have come from nothing more than once. I enjoy the strength in character and compassion those experiences often bring. I am blessed with wonderful friends. I am ready to entertain the thought of a special woman in my life.

Beneath the surface, however, these waters can run deep. I seek a partner, not a dependent. I seek an honest, healthy exchange of insights, emotions, commonalities, differences and observations without judgment or the shackles of conventional standards. A commitment based on mutual respect, support and challenge. A commitment not based on fear or pretense. A safe place to grow, heal, share, explore and exchange. A personals ad here on this forum may or may not be the appropriate venue to express these longings, but who knows…

I believe that each moment, each person, each encounter and each experience holds its own lesson should we choose to see it. I am beautifully imperfect. I do my best to accept myself and others without judgment. I long for a meaningful, insightful and intelligent exchange of ideas (and spit too). (I just had to throw that in for good measure, it's getting much too serious in here!). I simply seek to give and receive laughter at life's humor, insights from the unique perspectives of others, beauty in all things and perhaps (if the moment is right) a few precious moments of solace in each others arms.

As I read over this I am thinking, great, but where does one begin? How exactly does one go about first finding and then creating such a thing? The answers, so far, have eluded me, but I am figuring, there is no place better to begin than the beginning…

Best of luck
Ram

[Talbot]

Originally Posted by Ocean Girl

I have removed my bio because there is..well I am "interested" in someone (crush is more like it) so thought it would be fitting to remove my bio until I know whether he is the ONE or not.

Good luck - I hope it works out.