Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mate Group

[Ocean Girl]

Originally Posted by Talbot

What a beautifull way to express this - something that some second wifes have difficulty with.

Yep, my mom is a remarkable woman
Erika

[anjou]

Meanwhile, - back to the question re women asking men out...................I found that if I waited to be asked out, life would pass me by. Im confident and a strong personality so a lot of guys find that intimidating and get shy around me.
But what I did find by doing the asking is it sets the wrong president and can say one is desperate. It can also serve to reinforce the notion that im intimidating.

Damned if I do and damned if I dont.

[Talbot]

Originally Posted by anjou

what I did find by doing the asking is it sets the wrong precedent and can say one is desperate. Damned if I do and damned if I dont.

I do think that teenagers would probably think this way, but not once you are an adult.

If you have a strong personality, and are interested in someone who also has a strong personality, then this should not be a problem.

Personally I would feel flattered if any lady was sufficiently interested in me to want to explore further.

It really depends how you do it!

[Arcen]

It also saves alot of time and heartache. If you know a guy is not going to like a strong/forward woman from the outset, you just saved yourself several months. And at that point, they may keep the relationship going, trying to prove something, even if its doomed to fail.

Personally I prefer a strong, independent, intelligent woman. And more importantly, I can handle that. It only took me 7 years to convince my wife of that fact.

[Ocean Girl]

Originally Posted by anjou

Meanwhile, - back to the question re women asking men out...................I found that if I waited to be asked out, life would pass me by. Im confident and a strong personality so a lot of guys find that intimidating and get shy around me.
But what I did find by doing the asking is it sets the wrong president and can say one is desperate. It can also serve to reinforce the notion that im intimidating.

Damned if I do and damned if I dont.

Anjou,
I feel like I am in kindergarten and you are in university I just figure if they don't ask, then they are not interested. Heck, this internet dating stuff is so new and uncharted in so many ways. Sometimes it feels very natural and sometimes it feels very awkward.
Erika

[Talbot]

Originally Posted by Ocean Girl

I just figure if they don't ask, then they are not interested. Erika

There is no doubt that the thrill of the chase is buried deep in the male psyche (and hopefully on the receiving end in the female psyche as well),

However, I am not sure that this is relevant to modern social behaviour, especially for those who have developed interests , are no longer in their teens, and are looking for people to share their interests. This market is dominated by those who are either divorced or have lost their spouse through accident, illness or war. For a lot of these, emotions are still somewhat raw, and memories of how to even go about the process of dating are dim and distant (and no longer relevant to today's requirements anyway). For this section, there is no doubt that a reasonably high percentage are actually almost afraid to dip their toe back into the dating game.
Thus by only reviewing the credentials of those who chase, you may miss one of the better prospects who need a nudge to enter into this process, and will also need encouragement during the initial stages.

[flysci]

One question I've already run into is, "who's boat will we cruise on?" It seems most if not all the members of this forum have boats in which we've invested a lot of time and/or emotional attachment. Sometimes in response to the very loss of SO described by Talbot.
How are you all approaching this question?

[Ocean Girl]

flysci, for me it will be the bigger/better boat, unless there is a big bank note involved. I love my boat! but I can think of a bunch of better ones....a sweet new tartan, or even take a walk on the wild side and sail a cat....hey those steel hulled boats are cool too....so you see I won't have a problem I will just be so darn happy to be with my soul mate.
Erika

[Chief Engineer]

Hmmmmmmmmmmm I am thinking of taking by boots off and jumping into this "fest".

I don't know....the water might be a tad chilly.............

C'mon....somebody encourage me.....jes' don't splash water in my face....I hate that.

[fareweather]

One question I've already run into is, "who's boat will we cruise on?" It seems most if not all the members of this forum have boats in which we've invested a lot of time and/or emotional attachment. Sometimes in response to the very loss of SO described by Talbot.
How are you all approaching this question?
__________________

His and hers boats, unless you are young keep em both. My wife and I got married late in life (relatively) and were both fairly well established as far as real estate is concerned and the idea of one of us selling out just never really occurred to us. Two different towns, two lives, two patterns etc, asking one of us to give up such a significant portion of what we had built would have been a fast track to divorce. Don't give up your identity,maybe when you have a few years gone by you can readjust but don't do it too quickly.

Some people wonder how we do it but others just smile...After a few days on your boat alone you'll get reminded why you went for the relationship in the first place and guess what, you get to go over to her boat

[Ocean Girl]

Originally Posted by Chief Engineer

Hmmmmmmmmmmm I am thinking of taking by boots off and jumping into this "fest".

I don't know....the water might be a tad chilly.............

C'mon....somebody encourage me.....jes' don't splash water in my face....I hate that.

Chief, there is plenty of room, come on in the water is fine
E

[Ocean Girl]

Originally Posted by Talbot

There is no doubt that the thrill of the chase is buried deep in the male psyche (and hopefully on the receiving end in the female psyche as well),

However, I am not sure that this is relevant to modern social behaviour, especially for those who have developed interests , are no longer in their teens, and are looking for people to share their interests. This market is dominated by those who are either divorced or have lost their spouse through accident, illness or war. For a lot of these, emotions are still somewhat raw, and memories of how to even go about the process of dating are dim and distant (and no longer relevant to today's requirements anyway). For this section, there is no doubt that a reasonably high percentage are actually almost afraid to dip their toe back into the dating game.
Thus by only reviewing the credentials of those who chase, you may miss one of the better prospects who need a nudge to enter into this process, and will also need encouragement during the initial stages.

I hear ya Talbot, I didn't date for over 5 years after my divorce. I focused on nursing school and just getting my bearings. It was a bit of a "fly by the seat of my pants" decision when I started this singles group. But there came a time when it I was ready to give it my all. Maybe you are not ready, and that is ok!
As far as who does the asking? that just seems to be my line in the sand, it just too unromantic for me. I know very backwards and unsophisticated but oh well, I never said I was normal.

The dating thing is.. well it bites sometimes and its exciting other times. It is worth it all to find my soul mate.

Erika

[Not Sure]

Dating is like riding a bicycle, you don't magically forget how in the years since you last sat on a bicycle. If you're having trouble with dating now, chances are close to excellent that you weren't very good at it in the first place.

I have nothing against woman asking first, nor with strong, independent woman for that matter. Just understand from the get-go that we'll eventually be doing some serious head butting if you're thinking that you're going to be getting your way all of the time (or that you're 'right' all of the time).

[osirissail]

>>> As far as who does the asking? that just seems to be my line in the sand, it just too unromantic for me. I know very backwards and unsophisticated but oh well, I never said I was normal.<<<<
- - I would have to say that this statement is not entirely true - - The female has to send out many subtle and "willy" signals to the male first before any male will respond. Make that a polite, respectful male. The other kind of male will ask any and everything that is remotely female and still alive for a date.
- - If the female does not "first" initiate the process, the probability of getting a response from a polite, respectful, potential mate will not be very good.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by osirissail

The female has to send out many subtle and "willy" signals to the male first before any male will respond

Not sure if that is a typo or another "divided by a common language" thing............but in these parts making "Willy" signals* to a male would certainly indicate interest..........for even the slowest amongst us





* not sure how this could be done subtly though..............