Can I get a cheering squad please?

[Don C L]

Originally Posted by Sea Dreaming

How in the world am I ever going to calm down and just enjoy the ride?
What can I do to feel more comfortable?

Now that I am sailing with my kids I've been a nervous wreck too, and I have been sailing most of my life. First of all is your boat strong and in good shape? Rigging and sails are good? Then push it harder, let her slam some waves and get knocked around a bit and you will see that she is a lot stronger than you imagine. As you grow in confidence that she is not frail or fragile at all, you will relax more too. And you'll find that being launched off a wave once in a while is actually FUN, after you see nothing broke and it is safe. Your boat was built to handle a lot of smacking around, for years. A lot of sailing, for people getting started and for people who are experienced, happens in the imagination, which may or may NOT represent reality. Even though I started sailing in high school and have done many trips alone, with other people, with other people's kids, now that I am older and have my own kids on the boat, it is amazing and unsettling to me how my imagination is NOW working overtime to conspire and conjure up EVERY kind of possible disaster. But then we go out, and things are fine, really fine, as usual. And if things are not fine, you will deal with it and handle it. You will. And things will work out.
And there is something about getting older... hate to say it. When I was younger I did "adventurous" things, things that I might now characterize as reckless or foolhardy, but they sure were FUN! My good friend with his Cheoy Lee 30 right next to me, I used to take him out with a bunch of other teenagers when they were in high school, and I don't recall him ever being afraid of much! But now with his own boat he is very conservative and cautious. Nothing wrong with that but I think he'd agree with you about wondering when the anxiety is gone and the fun sets in! But he makes great progress in his confidence every time he goes out.
Maybe get yourself a small fast boat and make her really go, and make her capsize, and see how to recover and to master it in what may seem like a disaster at first and soon "disasters" can become fun. I had a good friend in high school who I sailed with and together we practiced how to capsize our Lasers and right them without ever getting wet. We got pretty cocky. A little cockiness in controlled situations can become a kind of confidence in more difficult situations.
Oh and BTW there are a lot of folks out sailing who get nervous when they can't see land!
Are you guys down in San Carlos? The Sea of Cortez is such a beautiful place to explore IMHO as you get to know your boat!
BTW THANK YOU for being so honest about your fears... we all go through them I bet in some form or fashion no matter how much/what kind experience we have and I am sure there are many folks who read through the forum wondering if they might ever be able to go sailing too. Your journey is valuable information too.

[JPA Cate]

Sea Dreaming:

If you guys decide to follow the advice of the collective here and move southwards, just make a note of the questions you don't figure out the answers to yourselves, and ask them here. It is not, imho, that you need a mentor aboard with you to head south, you seem to be getting that here, but you really need to take a break from working, and play a little.

And, try an get a handle on your electrical issues: and being out on the hook a week or two will inform you of a lot, which you can then address. Remember, "slowly, slowly, catchee monkey!" All new cruisers go through learning. Jim and I have had our failed experiments just like everybody else.

Ann

[zeehag]

seadreaming-- as you accrue more miles under your keel you will feel less anxiety and more anticipation. yes, you will still get butterflies--- always-- but they will be less prickly and more comfortable--a reminder to keep alert.
sail sail sail and get miles under keel and practice..
it does get better.
ok breathe!!!!

and donot worry about wind genny yet-- spend some time out and about before you commit to one of those.. when you find selves saying to each other--oh the wind-- we could be making electricity..then is when to save for it. i did 5 yrs put here before i got one err 2.....

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by Don C L

BTW THANK YOU for being so honest about your fears... we all go through them I bet in some form or fashion no matter how much/what kind experience we have and I am sure there are many folks who read through the forum wondering if they might ever be able to go sailing too. Your journey is valuable information too.

Sooo much truth to this Would love to see a post from the OP in another year and hear how it's been going since then!

[Sea Dreaming]

Wow! Thank you to everyone who responded! I can't possibly address all the comments but you all have really given me some perspective and it helps a lot!

Ann, regarding fun...I agree with you! We are not working all the time but I am eager for more "exotic".

Sometimes I think a better approach is to go farther than we have, test ourselves more. I think my anxiety grows the more we time we spend at the dock.

I will post back to update my progress. Promise!

[SFS]

Originally Posted by Sea Dreaming

.... I think my anxiety grows the more we time we spend at the dock.

Sea Dreaming, this is a telling comment, and one you should acknowledge to yourself. It means that a significant part of your anxiety is related to the unknown. Fortunately, the cure for that is to just go out and do it, so that the "size" of the unknown is gradually reduced, and the size of your knowledge base is correspondingly increased. Assuming you are on the dock for still-needed repairs, rather than anxiety, try the following.

Go out for the day and just sail. It's practice of so many things - casting off, getting out of the slip, raising sails, sailing, getting the feel for the boat. In the middle of the day, pick a place to anchor for lunch. That is practice anchoring. Other posters have mentioned worst case scenarios, and the odds of those scenarios actually occurring. So if, while at lunch, your anchor doesn't hold, you've got all afternoon (in daylight) to pull the anchor up, evaluate what went wrong, and re-anchor (more practice!). Your sleep that night won't be affected, as you are headed back to the dock at the end of the afternoon. Whether you weigh anchor once (good job the first time!), or have to raise it and to try again, that is practice recovering the anchor.

In the afternoon, head back to the dock and tie up. This is practice dousing sails, maneuvering the boat in tighter quarters than open water, and re-securing the lines. Then work some more on the boat, in the cooler hours of the late afternooon, so you feel that you have made some progress on that front as well.

Do this every day for a week. You will be surprised at how much better you feel about everything, and how much more it feels like your dream of sailing/cruising, rather than being stuck in a place, working slowly on a list of projects. That boat work can be important, but it's more like a job, rather than a dream. It is a part of your reality, but make sure you keep things in perspective.

Regarding perspective. While I was learning to fly, I read a great quote that resonated because I started sailing LONG before I learned to fly. I don't know who said it, but roughly paraphrased, it is:

"Aviation in itself is not inherently dangerous, but like the sea, it is extremely unforgiving of any carelessness, incapacity or neglect."

You already know you are not careless, and you working on the boat means you are not neglecting equipment. You just need more confidence in your capacities - the capabilities of the boat and its crew. To accumulate that confidence, you have to go out and collect experience.

I wish you all the best in moving forward. You absolutely can do this.