Visit our Popular Forums

Mark1977 · 10-02-2011, 13:53

She will never learn if dad is always gonna ''fix it'' but hey shes only 18......With you following your dream she will have to do things for herself. Don;t let it get you down . next time you go back to the west coast on your boat you will be a new person and so will she.........

**boatman61** · 10-02-2011, 14:07

Hey Berg.... I'm gonna sound an *******... maybe I am...
But from here and looking back at my past I'd say she's playing mind games... to be honest I think your moving south could be the best thing to make her grow up...
No more easy way out... "no worries, Dads a sucker he'll bail me out"... she'll have to buckle down and make her own way.
Back in the 70's when I came outa the Navy I was the same... food, clothes, accommodation were all in... once a fortnight I'd get my pay and blow it having a good time... if I ran out I'd borrow outa the 'Mess Funds'... to which we all contributed for an de-commission bonus.
When I came out it took me 6mths to break the play, play pattern... I'd be broke by Sunday and living on a meal a day (credit) till payday... then the cycle would start again.
I only managed to break the pattern by chucking my job in the Dockyard and moving North away from the temptations of a Navy town...
Believe me... your doing the best thing for both of you... you've done your job as best you knew how.. now its time she pulled her own weight.... in time I think she'll realise that.. whether she'll ever thank you is another matter.
Stay focused my man else your both gonna keep going in the same cycle for the rest of your life...

Bergovoy · 10-02-2011, 16:57

thanks all.. i appreciate words that support, but, i know i am responsible for my role in being where i and my daughter at currently...

I have minimized my back issues...but the reality is that i will never be back issue free, ever...I have had 3 surgeries already... c4/5 laminectomy, c4.5 fusion, L3/4 laminectomy

the last surgery was the lower back in 2007...

The prior surgeries werent all that successful.. the first was perfect.. I was golfing within 4-5 months... the second surgery was a 'failed surgery'.. I contracted MRSA in the hospital after surgery, and was quarantined for 6 weeks, until they could operate again and clean out the remaining/internal infection...I ended up losing a nerve that goes down my right arm...(not sure if you notice the consistant typos, usually teh/the... but it is from a slow/delayed reaction/response from my digits/muscle response)

the third surgery was ok.. not truly painfree after, but I knew that going into it.. I actually had two bad discs that werent next to each other...so they only operated on the worst disc.. Now they aer going back to fuse the disc they didnt treat last time...

I have actually had an appoint last week, after my last MRI and Myelogram, and was told that although i anm not a great candidate due to the past surgeries adn thier hit and miss success rates, he still did reccomend surgery on L5/S1

I then told him i didnt have a support system nor a home after Feb 22... at which point he said, good luck and handed me a copy of my records...and told me to get in touch with another doctor wherever i end up and i i can do that within 6 months or so, then i probably ownt have to repeat the recent studies...

ummm... great... three weeks before i leave.. 13 months after i started teh process, i get confirmation of what i already know...

I am very familiar with teh psychy of dealing with chronic pain... deprssion, et al.. I am also familiar with the side affect of gong thru foreclosure, and empty nest syndrome...

i.e. the perfect storm of depression....

anyways...moving forward constantly

Bergovoy · 10-02-2011, 17:08

BM, yes, youare an ahole... hehehehe we determined that before didnt we?

I believe you are kinda right... but i also believe that i contributed to where she is at... (we are at)...I also dont believe a cold turkey solution is favorable, but maybe unavoidable?

Also, I would love to believe that in time she will come around and that i will settle down... but.. (damn, i hate BUTs...)

along with my back issue, i also have other medical issues that may not work out for me in the long term...

so, you have heard i am anti social, and disillusioned with society and authority, now you are hearing that i am medically not 'healthy'...

I am not 'suited' to have a partner and or to share a life with.. I can only hope to have acquaintence with whom i will need to share only the bare minimum

pretty much why i have been single.. and pretty much why i ended up burdening my daughter with having to help me...

my goal to be self sufficient is a personal goal .. it is a driving factor.. i would like accolades from friends and family but it isnt important... i wish to not be a burden... that is important...

ultimately, I dont know that i will ever be self sufficent, but I am too young to not be... I wouldnt be happy in an old folks home...

anyways.. i have shared way too much today... and am really tired.. and it is only 5pm... I look forward to tomorrow as i believe it wll be better then today...

DSDman · 10-02-2011, 17:32

Sounds like you have been there and thru it a bunch! Well, I can only tell you, if you end up in Charleston SC go to the Southeastern Spine Institute, In MT Pleasant, they work miracles. They have a web site (google it). People come from all over to get their backs fixed there, even repairing failed operations. Charleston is a good place to hang out! Plenty of live aboards in the area as well. Lots of colleges in the area and tech schools for the daughter if she so chooses.

Bergovoy · 10-02-2011, 17:47

south carolina is a little bit off the freeway from where i am going, but, there is another boat/reccomendation in that area... i hope to find that boat or look at another in the area if i am there..

i have a lot of places i want to stop but i want to get somewhere faster not slower.. so i will be figuring out my scedule and itinerary on the fly..

also, i have decent insurance, so i will find out about your place... thanks

joey69 · 10-02-2011, 18:53

think about this and you will want to get a boat as fast as you can........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMP5I...1&feature=fvwp

RTB · 10-02-2011, 20:07

Ya probably need more than a 15K boat to pick that up....

Bergovoy · 10-02-2011, 20:39

i cant watch videos on my laptop for some strange reason, but i got the message...

but, it wouldnt matter how big my boat was, i would never get 'that'...

joey69 · 11-02-2011, 12:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTB

Ya probably need more than a 15K boat to pick that up....

yeah, thought it was funny myself!

Bergovoy · 15-02-2011, 12:21

one week away to the hour and i am getting sick daily, at least once per day...

keep waking up naucious, have nothing to do until i leave, and am just sitting, sleeping, and waiting....

I having been 'scouring' the craigslist/yachtsworld ads as there is nothing i can do...and things will change between now and the time i get 'there', wehreever there is.... I had hoped to have destination, but i dont... I want to take my time on the drive but i want to be somewhere and get a boat and not waste money in an apartment and or a lease... that plus i have no furnishing, or anything to 'stock a house' and i dont want to buy stuff to do that...

my daughter has made some attempt to 'empathize' and or sympathize, and she has helped me on a two occasions for a little bit, but, (and like i said somewhere else, I HATE BUTS), she really only wabnts a clean slate.. she wants all to be foregiven, and to move from this point forward...

which i gave her again...

And so far, from that point forward, she hasnt seen me in 4 days, she had stated we would get together for V-Day, and asked me to be her valentines, only to be blown off, without even telling me... she just has something to do with so and so... and she will see me on thursday, (another 3 days)

I am guessing she will see me on Monday evening the night before i go, and that will be it.. I seriously believe that will be the alst time i see her in person...

Im adrift... waiting for the wind to pick up and blow me somewhere... I guess that happens right?

so for now, i am 'recharging the batteries', checking the provisions, figuring out how to stow the 'bounty'....

side note: I am looking for a tracking system that can be used by my smartphone and for folks to track my progress across the country... not that i think folks will actually be interested, but who knows, maybe one??? I am pretty sure no one I know here in Cali will be interested for sure...

anyways, i have seen a couple APPS, but they are either subscription / fee based, or kinda limited/complicated...

I am not the best BLOGGER, but I kninda like ranting like this, but know this isnt the best place for it... I guess i should start another website/blog.... I just reformatted my laptop yesterday as i couldnt stand all the laggs and hangs i was getting evertime a video popped up in a message here...

any suggestions for a blog/website name?

Bergovoy · 15-02-2011, 12:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by joey69

think about this and you will want to get a boat as fast as you can........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMP5I...1&feature=fvwp

finally got to watch the video, and my computer didnt hang... (I did,,,)

BTW whats up with the lanyard on her bikini? is there a ST winch somewhere???

Adax · 15-02-2011, 18:08

Berg I so know where you are . I think i sold my house waiting for paperwork and then I don't know what I am going to do.There is a plan I am following but it s new and scary ,the SV reconciliation has docked and we will see if she is a singlehander or if she can take 2 souls aboard.In the meantime I am looking at boats .I want one of my own even if SVB Reconciliation is in harbour .
Travel easy .If I could make a suggestion get a hold of the book Blue Highways by William Least Heat Moon ,nothing whatsoever to do with sailboast but all to do with being at a loose end and making a new beginning and making a good start. May the road rise to greet you .