The Dream Has Died

[JPA Cate]

ponderings, you now have a lot to sift through. If at the end of your ponderings, you are feeling concerned that you may be depressed, rather than burned out, my advice to you is to please seek counseling. It can really turn your life around. It's scary to admit to yourself that you might need it, but getting professional help can truly help. I know this from experience.

Ann

[hpeer]

Yeah, burn out.

I spent a lifetime working, wanted to retire early, Wife would not hear if it. Much counseling later We bought boat, went part time, worked and lived on boat until retirement, then took off. Sort of the reverse of the OPs position.

I worked for 40 years solid, not counting kid jobs and military time. Some real high stress in beligerant situations. My last job was fantastic, lots of respect, good pay, part time, full time benefits....and I still hated it. Knew it was time to get out.

We do 6 months on the big boat, 4 months at our cabin in Newfoundland, with 2 months staying with kids and torturing them. Been at this going on 3 years, so far so good. I turn 68 in November.

Sounds like you have made your passion your job and have thus lost the romance. Sorry for your situation. Enuii.

[bill352]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

ponderings, you now have a lot to sift through. If at the end of your ponderings, you are feeling concerned that you may be depressed, rather than burned out, my advice to you is to please seek counseling. It can really turn your life around. It's scary to admit to yourself that you might need it, but getting professional help can truly help. I know this from experience.Ann

Ponderings - I respect Ann and what she has to say, and I do not doubt that proper counseling has helped her and countless others through difficult times. But you should also know that there is another side to it.


On that other side, counseling is a lot like one definition of sailing - standing in a cold shower ripping up $100 bills, except that with counseling you don't need the shower. Also, with sailing, there is a remote chance you will get something back for your money, if only the enjoyment of sailing. Not so with counseling. On that other side, counseling is a fraud, a scam, a cheat, and a waste of your money. Why that should be so is not at all clear, but there it is. It doesn't work for everyone. Not saying you shouldn't try it, but it's not a magic bullet.


The advice you've gotten from some here is the same as I got from a (non-psych) doctor a few years ago - take that counseling money and use it on a nice vacation. You'll be better off.

[Gulliver 2]

I,ve observed more and more nowadays that the dream of World Cruising has become a NEWBIE thing. That's because it's a NEW thing in the newbies life!

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by Gulliver 2

I,ve observed more and more nowadays that the dream of World Cruising has become a NEWBIE thing. That's because it's a NEW thing in the newbies life!

Wow, very interesting finding indeed. I bet everybody that ever has dreamed of World Cruising was a Newbie at some point - with 99.999% of certainty.

That is really a bombshell revelation!


BTW - also a very interesting fact: the same percentage of people divorced worldwide were married before. Maybe a correlation?

[Souzag818]

Originally Posted by waterman46

I can see getting burned out with house-building/renovating but how could one who loves the water, the sea, boats and anything to do with them, get burned out on working on your own boat? Beats me. 72 years and the best part of my life, other than family, is when I get a free day to go down to my boat and just do whatever needs doing. For the fun of it!

You who have so many boating opportunities at an early age, are extremely lucky. During my working years I managed to take a few months off, twice, to do serious cruising with my wife and daughter. Time of our lives, and best time in my life to look back on after my wife passed away. Taking such time off was not conducive to being promoted to management and a higher salary, so I remained a "working engineer", but I was happier that way, I believe.

Now daughter is grown up, I have new wife, making new plans, going on new cruises, never giving up the dream. My point is, you didn't mention health, but if you have that you can do anything you make up your mind to do, so stop whining and just go do it!

Reminded me of a quote I heard 50 or so years ago, "Nobody ever lay on their deathbed and said 'Gee, I wish I spent more time at the office.' " Stuck with me...

[Simi 60]

Originally Posted by waterman46

I can see getting burned out with house-building/renovating but how could one who loves the water, the sea, boats and anything to do with them, get burned out on working on your own boat? Beats me.

Im guessing you've never built a large boat from scratch.

[Simi 60]

Originally Posted by Exile

I've never owned a large power boat, but I would imagine the amount of maintenance is about the same if not more than a cruising sailboat, and the money expenditures certainly no less with larger, often multiple engines & related gear. I only assume this because I find the time & money I spend servicing my rig to be rather low (on avg). Less work operating a power boat when underway to be sure, but with the increasing prevalence of powered furlers and/or winches, even many larger sailboats have become much easier to operate under sail.

Go single engine
Paint your varnish in a solid colour
Pay someone to do the bottom job
Easy.

[SSgtPitt]

Wife and I got into hiking Colorado, did that hard for two - three years. Then found Harleys, wore the tires out for two three years. Then found scuba diving, same thing. Hard at it for 2-3 years. Then we found scuba diving on liveaboards, 2-3 years later we figure if we had a boat we could dive the world.
Bought a boat, went home and learned to sail, went back and got the boat and sailed her across the Gulf back home.
3 years later the boat is paid off and we’re leaving for the Bahamas in Nov. Almost broke but F it, we gotta do this.
Moral of OUR story is, find new things, go do them and then find some more and do those too. Sharing them with someone you adore is even better.

And I agree on the counselor stuff, keep your money. Go do something else for fun. Stretch your mind.

[Wotname]

^^ Hmmm... "Stretch your mind"... a excellent counsellor will do that; others, not so much!

Keeping busy will mainly stretch your body.

[CatNewBee]

Do whatever makes you happy! Live's too short.

[JPA Cate]

The "counseling" thing is one of those different strokes and folks deals. What I wrote was that if pondering decided he was depressed, then counseling could help, and is probably the best medicine for the situation is exactly what I meant. If he is burned out, then a break with a fun holiday, with perhaps a choice of a new direction, would all work great. It is simply that, most of the time, SSgtPitt's right, we can sort of "bootstraps" ourselves out of a funk. However, ime, not always.

Ann

[Island Time O25]

Speaking of counseling. 20 year ago close friends went to a marriage counselor once. At $250 a pop, no less. Make long story short, mid session they find out he himself was going through his third divorce. They stormed out same moment in a huff.

Would you go to a smoking sessation therapy provided by a chain smoker? IMO to have any credibility the psycho babble providers need to charge based on the results. At least ambulance chasing lawyers are honest enough to do it that way.

[JPA Cate]

I see there are some anti-therapy folks on the thread.

It is that, imo, some therapists are excellent, some are not at all. So that it is possible to pay a lot of $$ and not get much help at all.


And yet, if one has a problem beyond one's own powers (or thinks it so), hiring a good therapist can make a world of difference.


Now, at this point, I have to say, finding a good therapist or an affordable one may be difficult. Still, I do think it would be the best option for someone who is depressed.

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

I see there are some anti-therapy folks on the thread.

It is that, imo, some therapists are excellent, some are not at all. So that it is possible to pay a lot of $$ and not get much help at all.


And yet, if one has a problem beyond one's own powers (or thinks it so), hiring a good therapist can make a world of difference.


Now, at this point, I have to say, finding a good therapist or an affordable one may be difficult. Still, I do think it would be the best option for someone who is depressed.

Have you ever heard about placebos?

I think, a good therapist must be a ridiculous expensive one. The reason is this: it has to hurt you badly to hire him, only if you are ready to sacrifice a big chunk of your money, you are really wanting help and likely ready for compromises and decisions to make.

If it does not cost you much, it is just a irrelevant thought and you will continue our old way, because you do not see / recognize the problem lies in yourself.

So the bill is part of the medicine to heal you.