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Old 15-07-2015, 14:52   #1
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How much say do women really have

We have met a lot of different cruisers over the last 2-1/2 years. I won't include the 7 years we cruised prior as we had a 10 year break and mono hulls ruled the world back then but not anymore.

In our experience a very large number of the Cat owners told us that if they had stuck with a mono hull their wives would not have gone cruising.

So my question is: When you made your choice of a mono or Cat just how much influence did your wife really have? Was it like some people have told us, buy a Cat or leave me home or are these just old wives tales?

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Old 15-07-2015, 14:59   #2
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Re: How much say do women really have

In our case, none. I wanted a boat that could sail well in light air. My wife would be just as happy to motor in light stuff.

From the monohull cruising couples I've talked to, the wife is often more dogmatic about boats than the husband.

But - when we sailed to Vanuatu, there were 3 cat's and 5 mono's doing the crossing. 3 couples too. None on mono's. The mono owner's wives preferred to fly the thousand miles rather than sail them.

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Old 15-07-2015, 15:06   #3
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Re: How much say do women really have

I wasn't married then Robert.
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So a cat was always my first choice. Jen did mention she may have jumped ship if we were on a mono, but I think she was joking...maybe...
If she told me she would only sail on a mono. That'd be a tough call, but I'd rather sail a mono than not sail at all. I'd probably try compromise with a trimaran though
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Old 15-07-2015, 15:19   #4
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Re: How much say do women really have

Interesting; I would have considered a Cat but Freddi, not a chance; didn't like the layouts OR the motion in the ocean.... interesting comments... what do people think it was about monohulls that caused the issue?
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Old 15-07-2015, 15:26   #5
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Re: How much say do women really have

We were equal partners on decisions. The esthetics of the boat were very important to us. Dinghying away from the boat, and looking back and having pride in ownership was very important. Watching Cats pounding in a seaway or to windward really made us appreciate a well designed, seakindly boat. Not doing a passage together was never even thought about.
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Old 15-07-2015, 15:49   #6
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Re: How much say do women really have

We've owned a 40' monohull for 20+years and cruising, off and on, for 14. My wife selected the boat after rejecting all my 'racy' monohull suggestions. I was upset then but now am very glad she insisted on Mirador.

We are looking at larger boat. I wanted a trawler and she has insisted on a sailing catamaran. She refused to consider anything other than a 42' or larger catamaran. I am pretty set on a DeFever 49 trawler but am not making headway on that choice.

I can't say it would upset me to buy the Lagoon 440 she loves.

We'll see!
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Old 15-07-2015, 15:50   #7
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Re: How much say do women really have

Just like there is no BEST in asking a sailing question, there is no right answer to your question about choosing a boat or who has "THE "control."

I have a friend who sold his monohull and bought a cat 'cuz his wife wouldn't sail with him on the mono but would on the bigger cat.

I have another friend who has had a mono for the past 15 years and his wife barely sails with him at all 'cuz she's scared of, literally, everything.

My wife insisted we buy this boat and sails with me a lot, but doesn't like the ocean.

If someone has a wife who insists on "anything" then the answer to me is to decide what that "anything" really is and work it out.

If it's a bigger boat she wants, man, go for it. Regardless of how many hulls.

Unless, wait for it, there is a logical reason to not do so.

Then, folks, we have "a conversation."

You know, like real life anywhere else, on or off the water.

Why should it be any different than?:

"What influence does a wife have over:"

buying a car

buying the next house

buying the next stereo

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Old 15-07-2015, 15:58   #8
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Re: How much say do women really have

I don't know if you would call it "having say," but if I told my husband that I would be happier or more comfortable on a different type of boat he would get it just because my happiness is more important to him than what kind of boat we sail on. The nice thing is that the feeling is reciprocal and his happiness is that important to me also. Luckily neither one of us has ever had to compromise in this regard because we both happen to have the same taste in boats and the same opinion about our future course with boats.

I would say if one partner feels very strongly that they can only be happy on one type of boat and the other is more flexible it's okay, but what happens when both partners feel that strongly and don't agree on the type of boat. I guess that leads to the situation where one partner is sailing and the other is flying or staying home. That would never work for us. I think if we couldn't come to an agreement that would make us both happy sailing we would change lifestyles.
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Old 15-07-2015, 16:29   #9
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Re: How much say do women really have

Our current boat was a collaborative effort from the get-go. We both had grown and learned from sailing and cruising with our previous boat. We both knew what we wanted in the next boat. I guess since we were (are) both committed to the cruising life/plan, then naturally the next boat had to achieve most of our collective needs.

It's really a rather odd question from my perspective Robert. Guess I'm happy (lucky?) that I don't really get it.

BTW, we obviously bought a mono -- and we both love it .
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Old 15-07-2015, 17:22   #10
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Re: How much say do women really have

I chose our current boat and when I took my wife to see it told not to let on how well she liked it with the broker there. I knew she would like it because I liked it and unlike many here we are are a couple and on the same page.
stop blowing smoke up my rear, blow it at the sails instead
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Old 15-07-2015, 17:30   #11
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Re: How much say do women really have

I think my wife liked me because I had a boat. It probably could have been a Sea Ray bow rider and had the same effect.

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Old 15-07-2015, 22:07   #12
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Re: How much say do women really have

Of all the different boats I have owned my wife had basically zero impute. Yes I involved her prior to buying but she didn't seem to care.
Well now that has all changed...I have always been an aft cockpit guy and I liked quick boats but my wife wanted a center cockpit as she liked the separation when we had guests as well as the larger aft cabin with walk around bed. ( I try to keep her out of Cats because they have the ultimate separation)
We now have a cruising center cockpit. It took me quite a while before I started to like it but now I'm OK with it so in my case my wife had quite a bit of say!
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Old 15-07-2015, 22:39   #13
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Re: How much say do women really have

Surely like all things in any good partnership these are issues to be discussed and a mutually satisfactory decision arrived at?

"Happy husband, happy life" may not rhyme, but it applies just as much as "Happy wife, happy life". One person can't be left miserable with decisions made unless you start living very separate lives. Separation or open relationships or no compromise works for some, there is no ideal formula to suit everyone, but it is not my idea of a partnership.

So boat planning, as with all things we do together is determined by input from us both .

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Old 15-07-2015, 22:44   #14
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Re: How much say do women really have

I'd say quite a bit in our case.

I was much more open to the option of a cat, but my wife much preferred monohulls for sailing. She still looks at friends cats with envy at times when we're at anchor, but that envy disappears for her when we're underway.

She vetoed a couple of boats that I'd have gone with due to the layouts for our family and looking back now, I'd say she was right. What we have works very well for us.

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Old 15-07-2015, 23:11   #15
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Re: How much say do women really have

How much "say" the woman has probably varies with the couple and the manner the boat is used. As my wife has lived aboard our sailboats as our only home since we were fresh out of college, raised two kids aboard and cruised many thousands of miles, her opinions are critical.

I suppose that I may have been influenced to consider a multihull, but over our many years of living aboard and cruising monohulls, we've never given it much thought. Space was never an issue since we never had "stuff" that required the downsizing many cruisers go through. We've never been disappointed with comfort, heel or speed issues.

I'd say that the ladies have plenty of "say", but maybe nothing said!

Take care and joy, Aythya crew
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