Spouse hates my boat

[JUNKFLYBOY]

you are not washed up at 54, I am past seventy and I have a waiting list if my mate of 50 years decides to split. BTW she has never been on my boat.

[Julie Mor]

Originally Posted by nimblemotors

A divorce is a horrible thing.
An unhappy/disfunctional marriage is worse.

Very true.

[Cadence]

Non of our business. Sorry for your dilemma. The advice of professional help seems the soundest.

[compassrose88]

Sorry to hear she's given you an ultimatum. It begs the question, what is she giving up? Why are you so quick to do it without some negotiation? Perhaps she's jealous of your passion for sailing and the boat.
Who wants a miserable spouse or one that's manipulative and controlling? This is a perfect crossroad for some dialog and negotiations. If you cower to her demands...you both loose. Good luck!

[seagypsywoman]

Originally Posted by ntscout

At least in my case this boat was purchased, improved and maintained with sole and separate funds so i don't have to sell the boat in event of a divorce unless i want to even in a community property state. At 54, I think I am washed up on finding a more rational woman but i could find another boat.

If you are looking for a rational person, it is a difficult quality to find in a woman regardless of your age. Professor Higgins tried to in My Fair Lady and failed. I would say your wife is jealous and with a very good reason. Have you spent an equivalent amount of money and time wooing your wife that you have spent on your boat? Bought her flowers or a ring now and then? Taken her out where SHE wanted to go?
Valentine's Day is coming up. Perhaps you have some making up to do. Or like so many men you think it's too commercial yet never buy flowers at any other time either. Or else buy foul-weather gear for her and think you're being romantic or funny.

I see plenty of women sailing with their men but I also see the men making their women a priority half the time.
Been there, have had that done to me, got the t-shirt.

[tdominic_97]

I would take her to a boat show and see if I could get her into a new cat or production boat that is more geared to living in.

[Azul]

Someone might argue that women are not hardwired to be attracted to men who exhibit weak and indecisive behavior.

Along with selling your boat you could use the money to buy her gifts, you could tell her how pretty she is all the time- that you would do anything to keep her because you are old and washed up and couldn't find anybody else if she left you, that you wouldn't be able to live without her... Stuff like that.

Marriage counseling is $100+ per hour. After months of counseling with my first ex wife the counselor suggested we find a hobby to share since she didn't like boating and fishing. The ex offered that we could buy two flutophones and learn to play them together. You can't make stuff like that up.

[aliddell]

Was in the same situation 25 years ago. I sailed all my life and had a boat that I loved. Before getting married we sailed the coast of California and across the Gulf of Mexico and she seemed to enjoy it. After getting married she decided that she didn't like it after all. Sold the boat and stayed married. Now I am 73 finally getting the divorce maybe 20 years too late, just diagnosed with cancer. End result: I missed out on 25 years of boating and put up with 20 years of non-ideal marriage. My advice: Don't sell the boat!

[BobFord]

Women and boats are a rare combination ! My solution , that worked -

Hire a large cat in a pleasant , interesting environment. e,g, Bahamas , Australia East Coast Barrier Reef. Don't lose your cool , have her do responsible jobs e.g. piloting ,Enjoy visits to clubs on the way , hire a car occasionally.

The idea is to make it interesting from her point of view. It could work for you too !

[SV Bonzi]

Compromise? Any chance you can sail to a location and she would be willing to fly in and meet you there?


Joe

[letsgetsailing3]

Originally Posted by compassrose88

Who wants a miserable spouse or one that's manipulative and controlling? This is a perfect crossroad for some dialog and negotiations.

Which one are you talking about? The one with the ultimatum or the one who prioritizes their boat over their mate?

Both have legitimate complaints. There will either be a compromise somewhere or a parting of ways.

[Aquaguy]

That is a tough one and I think the best advice was to seek counseling.

Now if it were me I would never give into ultermadems especially if it was something you love to do and was doing it prior to marriage so she knew this was a part of your life. That's not love, that's control and frankly it's her problem not yours. In all fairness though I am single and speak from that point of view but I like being single and will probably never marry.

Seek counseling though to get to the root of the problem because you don't want to get into another passion only to find out she doesn't like that either. Best of luck to you


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[MarkSF]

When she gave you an ultimatum, she effectively told you that she was prepared to leave you if you didn't do exactly what she said. Right there, is a symptom of a serious problem on her part. My suggestion would be to let the ultimatum expire, and see what happens. If she's prepared to leave you over a boat, she's not worth keeping.

[letsgetsailing3]

Originally Posted by MarkSF

. If she's prepared to leave you over a boat, she's not worth keeping.

Wouldn't the same apply to him?

This is a relationship issue, which means some compromise is likely required from both parties.

Or, they can just part ways, but usually that's more costly than a restored boat.

[Island Time O25]

Issues like that should be dealt with prior to marriage not at the tail end of it. I can't give any advice but can only say what I would have done in such situation where my partner of many years all of a sudden decided that my lifelong hobby or interest is not something she would continue to tolerate, much less like or enjoy. I would cut my losses and run from such relationship as fast as I could. And of course would do everything to keep the boat is it would be needed to woe a real boat/sailing lover/next partner.