Spouse hates my boat

[wristwister]

Originally Posted by JUNKFLYBOY

you are not washed up at 54, I am past seventy and I have a waiting list if my mate of 50 years decides to split. BTW she has never been on my boat.

What he said! I'm 56 and faithfully married. Not particularly good looking or even that interesting. But I do take a lot of people sailing with me and belong to a couple sailing organizations, and my observation is that there are MANY rational, attractive, intelligent women up here in the PNW who would claw each others eyes out for the chance to latch onto me. Which is exactly why I've got to be so careful with my sailing guest lists.

Scout, if you're interested in finding out about these sailing groups, send me a PM.

[Island Time O25]

When I met my girlfriend (of 10 years now) I was actively looking for a sailboat to buy, my first one. She shleped with me to all the yards and boat shows like a good trooper. When I did get that boat she understood that I needed to invest lots of time into it as it was in need of extensive TLC. Later on she loved sailing as a concept, albeit not in any boisterous conditions but did not like the fact that the boat was small, lacked any amenities other than a working head and was more like a very rough camping platform to the point that she would not overnite on it. But I compensated all of these by doing things she loved and which to me were ridiculous like going to NYC to the MET to hear some opera or some such. When it came time to get another boat I started looking at same 27-30ft range as this would fit perfectly with my budget and other restraints. When I came across a deal on a 36footer but still priced just above my budget I hesitated as it was too big for my calculations and needs. But lo and behold my g/f was the one who pushed me to make that leap and that really sealed the deal for me as far as our relationship was concerned at the time. She still hates the fact of the boat heeling and she has motion sickness issues. But she has no problem with me sailing with the boys as long as she's invited to the sundowners with their wives or girlfriends. At least now she loves overnighting and treats the boat as our summer home bringing on board all kinds of knicknacks and goodies which make a woman feel at home. Unfortunately I don't see her as sailing partner for my contemplated travels but at the least she will fly to wherever and join me for weeks on end at every opportunity. So I guess one can call it a reasonable compromise under the circumstances.

But if she ever made me choose her or the boat I would be with another girlfriend by now.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by letsgetsailing3

Or, they can just part ways, but usually that's more costly than a restored boat.

Depends on who the major bread winner is. My wife makes WAY more money then I do. If we ever got divorced she would be paying me alimony. If he makes less and there are no kids involved he could actually make out on the deal.

[WindwardPrinces]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

Depends on who the major bread winner is. My wife makes WAY more money then I do. If we ever got divorced she would be paying me alimony. If he makes less and there are no kids involved he could actually make out on the deal.

Consider the overall costs, but in monetary terms you've got a point.

The OP needs to decide if this is the person he wants to grow old with or not.

[Cadence]

I had posted it is none of our business, and I will stick with that. This is not the correct forum to answer a question only you can answer that.


I doubt you will get an unbiased reply here.

[WindwardPrinces]

Originally Posted by Cadence

I had posted it is none of our business, and I will stick with that. This is not the correct forum to answer a question only you can answer that.


I doubt you will get an unbiased reply here.

Probably the most sensible answer offered.

[w1651]

Divide her age in half then trade her in on two younger models I say.

It sounds like his marriage isn't a marriage anyway. Ive been there and done that. Forget that if momma ain't happy saying, and start living life for yourself and no one else. Life is to short be miserable or fighting all the time. Drop her like a dead fish. Time to pee on the fire and call the dogs. Then climb in the dingy to row from the atoll back to your boat anchored just inside the reef.

My 2 cents

[IdoraKeeper]

Its always the same advise when these things come up on CF. I fall in with the no ultimatums crowd. A sailboat is not a vice. Many times these things come down to money and property. It sounds like you have done well in life, often that can make you a target. Try and find out what is really going on. The decision may be easier than you think.

[MarkSF]

Originally Posted by letsgetsailing3

Wouldn't the same apply to him?

This is a relationship issue, which means some compromise is likely required from both parties.

Or, they can just part ways, but usually that's more costly than a restored boat.

Yes I agree, but if you start with an ultimatum, compromise has pretty much gone out of the window straight away.

[NOLA_sailing]

Can we see side by side photos?

[Julie Mor]

Someone comes here asking for advice. If you ignore them, how will that make them feel? Everyone knows giving advice is just trying to help. Things like this can be seen as knowing someone cares or someone has been through what you've been through and wants to help. No harm done there.

[goat]

All men are ********. All women are bitches. There are just varying degrees. If your levels are compatible that makes for a great union.

This was written up in a prestigious scientific journal. They may have used different definitions.


goat

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by Julie Mor

Someone comes here asking for advice. If you ignore them, how will that make them feel? Everyone knows giving advice is just trying to help. Things like this can be seen as knowing someone cares or someone has been through what you've been through and wants to help. No harm done there.

I disagree, it is his decision one way or the other. People remotely acquainted with them, have no dog in the fight. Huggy, feely is fine but not here. This is not Dear Abby.

[wincrasher]

Originally Posted by goat

All men are ********. All women are bitches. There are just varying degrees. If your levels are compatible that makes for a great union.

This was written up in a prestigious scientific journal. They may have used different definitions.


goat

Truer words were never spoken!

But I don't deal in ultimatums, period.

So, for her

[centerline]

after many, many boats and a couple of wives, I can say with a bit of experience, and definitively that the boat is NOT the problem...

this is not text book stuff, but is quite common, and without going into detail, ive also seen many other marriages where the man gets a hobby/passion, then the wife gets jealous of the husbands extra time and extra money spent on something other than her... she may have even been supportive at first, but when she sees the hobby is HIS and not THEIRS and she is being left out of any decisions about it, the support dies.
she will begin to see that her man has a living passion that is stronger for something other than he is showing for her, and the fight will soon begin. the resentment may start slow but will build over time.

I have also seen the rolls reversed between the man and the woman... and the woman will almost always choose her hobby over the man... well, in the two cases ive seen first hand, its been 100% of the time... the first one chose her boat over her husband, and the second one chose her horses over her husband... in both cases everyone came out winners....

anyone with an active mind, body and spirit will have a strong desire/need to have a hobby that they can put their creative energy into... for some of us, a boat is the perfect object.
some people dont have this creative energy, so no desire to really do anything.... its a bit sad, but its a reality.
sometimes there is not even enough energy in the person to support someone else's passion to do something.

when we are mated with an individual who supports our dreams/desires and wants us to thrive in whatever we do, then we know we are with the right person... but when we are mated with someone who has a problem with us, and/or, our desires, there will always be a problem....

its true that we can give up our dreams in the hopes that the relationship will work out, but before doing that we need to do some soul searching to find out if the relationship is worth that kind of "spirit killing" sacrifice...
and although we can always hope, in this day and age its rare that a marriage will last forever, and even more rare that the ones that do last arent filled with heartache from time to time....

a good hobby, such as a boat (cars, trucks, airplanes, ect), can last a lifetime and be filled with excitement, adventure and love...


so the moral of this story is, if you want to live your life without the emotional roller coaster ride, get rid of the wife....(there will ALWAYS be girl friends... especially since you own a boat).

if you dont mind the tied down feeling that a slightly jealous, and non supportive wife gives you, then you must get rid of the boat NOW, before its too late and you lose both...

BUT.... while making your decision keep in mind that with toys, you will more than likely be able to find another wife that DOES like the hobby.... but you will have to be patient and enjoy all the girlfriends you meet until she comes along

personally, I would rather have the freedom to do what i want and when I want to do it, rather than feeling guilty or deprived of my passions....
there are too many women to choose from but only a couple different hobbies that I could ever be interested in, so, even though I am picky when it comes to women, I have always placed my chances on another woman coming along sooner than a passion for stamp collecting, house cleaning, sewing, gossiping, ect.... or whatever other hobby that would make an unhappy woman happy.....

and I can say this philosophy does work and has worked out great for me, because I have finally found and married the woman that does share all my passions, desires and fantasies... we are both healthier, happier and richer in every way because of it.... and I still have all my toys and i can play with them anytime i want for as long as i want, and she is right there by my side enjoying it all with me.... win! win!