So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do About i

[Scotty Kiwi]

My wife/GF of 4 years now have the objective of buying for international cruising, in three years or so. She's as keen, bright and capable as you get, and feels she knows something of the ocean from Cruise Ship work.

So its learnt to sail, to make sure. She won't try the little sailing dingy (although that time may come), but we have been chartering inshore in a 40ftr for a few days at a time, and out with friends.

In a steady breeze, trim the sails for her - "keep the bow lined up with that point of land for the next 20 minutes, constantly adjust the wheel to make corrections to stay exactly on that course as the wind or waves push the bow off course" ... "that course will keep that needle at 45 degrees" ... "If the sails flap a bit, initially close to the mast, or if the boat slows, you're doing something wrong - either off course, or the wind has shifted ... " here's how you check those two things ..."

She always thinks she's doing brilliant .. best pupil ever ! ..... I try to just outline the aim of the exercise, and then answer questions or check. I ask with decreasing regularity and increased attempts at patience, such as "So where is that point of land we were trying to steer toward?" ... looks around a bit, I ask if it could be that bit that is now 90 degrees to starboard, and if that might explain why the sails aren't really working and we're no really moving. Occasionally remind her to check the wake - it's always some kind of zig zag. Not to mention the juddering sails (light breeze so not a flogging).

She gets testy coz I'm pointing these things out too often. So I try to point them out less, and wait for the penny to drop.

On preparing to enter the marina (upwind) "Show me how to get the sails down" - main . no prob. Genoa "OK the proper way is to drift downwind". My love "what does that mean?" Me " We need to turn the boat around and head with the wind" My Love (after 4 days of sailing) "Speak in normal English - stop showing off you nautical talk - I'm just learning". Me "turn the wheel so as to turn the boat 180 degrees so we are heading in the exact opposite direction". Violent turn on the wheel hard to port, straight into the path of an oncoming launch. Me "Oh, its quite a good idea to watch for other boats, and turn away from them, not directly into their course". Her " Well you never told me that ".

"

[Scotty Kiwi]

I've taught dozens of greenhorns who to cruise/sail. No-one of them is as keen as my wife, and no-one every got so grumpy or failed to follow the most basic of instructions.

I've failled. Lessons.

[redhead]

Originally Posted by Scotty Kiwi

I've taught dozens of greenhorns who to cruise/sail. No-one of them is as keen as my wife, and no-one every got so grumpy or failed to follow the most basic of instructions.

I've failled. Lessons.

Scotty Kiwi - is she a reader? Long before I actually got on a boat I used to work slow midnight shifts and I read Chapmans and other "How to Sail" books. I could reread it as many times as I needed without embarassment. By the time my partner got me aboard, I at least had the vocabulary and could understand his instructions and had a theoretical grasp of what we would be doing. This helped me a lot. If she's used to being a natural at most things she tries (as I was) and is not catching on as fast as she expects (as I was) no one is more aware and defensive than she (as I was).

If she's not a reader this could be a useless suggestion, but she reminded me so much of myself I thought I'd throw it out there. I'm a book worm so it was the solution for me.

Good luck!

[tp12]

Originally Posted by Scotty Kiwi

I've taught dozens of greenhorns who to cruise/sail. No-one of them is as keen as my wife, and no-one every got so grumpy or failed to follow the most basic of instructions.

I've failled. Lessons.

This may sound controversial but you haven't failed here. You've done the right thing.

The problem here is that not that many people, of any sex, are able to put aside their feelings sufficiently to take instruction from their partner. Some can, but that's a minority. Getting lessons is the smart thing to do as there's no partner related feelings to put aside.

[Scotty Kiwi]

Yeah she's a reader. I'll try leaving the books around before the next charter. That may assist some of the other issues, with quiet support.

But I dunno if they'll explain the common sense of holding a course, keeping the sails tight, turning away from and not into from the course of an oncoming vessel, when she's been on board long enough and had the quiet explanations enough times for those pennies to have dropped.

Maybe those things will just take time and patience, and keeping the mouth shut during the moment.

I've wondered if she's just not aware of the space around the boat but overly aware of the spaces in the boat - eg the table, here's the galley, the coffee, the mates, all moving at 6 knots, and in the moment overlooks the environment outside of the boat. Not sure.