After a year of yard work, wife wants to go to an office.

[Copacabana]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

The key words which stuck out like a sore thumb "minimize our footprint on the planet."

"minimize our footprint on the planet" = no watermaker, no generator, limited refrigeration etc and few modern conveniences if any = full-time camping

Seriously.... we hear this tale almost monthly on this forum. The male half of the relationship decides it's a great idea to go full-time camping on a boat, then can't understand when the female half decides to opt out.

That's a bit of a generalization. Some people are fine with simplicity (I, for one) and relish the idea of living simply on a boat. I do agree, though, that having a normal shore life (working, raising a child etc.) while living on a boat that doesn't have the comforts of home is another story. It's hard to come back from a day's work and have to boil water to have shower on the deck with a solar shower bag!

[SV.Maverick]

Originally Posted by stnick

Have you considered a larger Sailboat so wife can have more work space. ?

I agree with this, a 30' for 3-4 people is camping especially on the particular model you have as it has very little storage. You wouldn't have to spend a lot to buy something larger you fix up yourself but would feel a lot more like a home.

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by Copacabana

That's a bit of a generalization. Some people are fine with simplicity (I, for one) and relish the idea of living simply on a boat. I do agree, though, that having a normal shore life (working, raising a child etc.) while living on a boat that doesn't have the comforts of home is another story. It's hard to come back from a day's work and have to boil water to have shower on the deck with a solar shower bag!

When I was a kid growing up in Southern Cal, my folks took us camping in a Sears tent that was actually much larger inside than a Beneteau 305. I certainly wouldn't want to live full time in that tent with my wife and one or two kids. I looked up the specs on the 305, 30 gallon water tank and 9 gallon fuel tank. They'd be chasing down water on almost a daily basis... which would get old really fast.

Add a screaming kid to the mix along with a hand pump toilet.... forget it. Doesn't sound like heaven on earth to me.

[Copacabana]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

When I was a kid growing up in Southern Cal, my folks took us camping in a Sears tent that was actually much larger inside than a Beneteau 305. I certainly wouldn't want to live full time in that tent with my wife and one or two kids. I looked up the specs on the 305, 30 gallon water tank and 9 gallon fuel tank. They'd be chasing down water on almost a daily basis... which would get old really fast.

Add a screaming kid to the mix along with a hand pump toilet.... forget it. Doesn't sound like heaven on earth to me.

I hear ya!... but I think out cruising it's a lot easier to cope with the limits of a small boat, but I agree- trying to live a shoreside life in a small, simple boat wouldn't be easy or fun.

[laika]

A year in a yard is tough! And working remotely at the same time! Been there done that, albeit without a family. From the armchair, my suggestion would be to start working your way back to the states and see how things play out. Have some fun with the boat you've put so much energy into, while heeding the wife.

[Dave22q]

If I get this right, your wife wants a full time office job leaving you full time care of your two year old, in a rather small (30') boat in a fixed (marina?) location. Can this work? Sure, anything is possible. Will it? You need to thoroughly talk things through because this is a major departure from your unrealized cruising dream. Was your original plan practical? I do not know and suspect you don't either. What I do know is that a cruising life style is not usually compatible with making and accumulating money. That is a lot easier from a fixed location. Your wife may be sensing this.

[ravinracin]

My retirement years were to be spent cruising. As that time came I inherited a 3 year old boy. My wife says "you can't take him on that boat, you will drown him." So 5 days a week it was off to swimming lessons. At age 8 and the boy on a competitive swim team and looking for adventure, we departed on a 5-6 hour sail. He loved it until he got sea sick. Now at age 10 he wants to camp on the boat. Wow, finally. In a limited way my retirement and adventure may start. A heart attack, surgery and later a pacemaker probably means I won't be heading off to the islands, but I will take my boy camping and sailing on the boat and if all turns out well, then maybe more often. You get what you can. The point is that families do come first, plans change and sometimes our dreams can't be realized. We just can't sit down and preplan life and expect it to happen. you make adjustments along the way. My dreams are not trashed, my expectations are a lot less, but I am taking my boy sailing and at age 10 he wants to be a Marine Biologist. What could make me happier? I have a wonderful boy who wants to go camping on the boat, who wants to devote his life to the sea. Take what you can get, but hold no grudges and keep that family close. Of course my boy could end up being a video game developer producing zombie killer videos. I will just have to adjust.

[PHR]

Originally Posted by sailorboy1

I think posting on an Internet forum is a waste of time since you need to be speaking with your wife!

Oh now, come one, be nice to the guy. I am reading through the responses with an eye to learning from others' experiences. And I appreciate the various posts. My wife has some (very reasonable) hesitations to getting on a boat full-time. Heck, she even bought a book recently ("Changing Course : A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life") to help us talk about it. So yeah, the OP does need to be speaking with his wife, but now that he has some responses from here, maybe those conversations will be much more productive to understanding each other.

[jpstevens]

I agree with other posts - a 30ft sailboat is too small for a family of 3 much less 4!! Also the "small footprint" sounds like she is required to care for a toddler with few conveniences. My grandson, 6 yrs, is a handful for two days, mostly in the marina!!

[1Sunseeker]

Sounds like a personal problem to me. Best to work it out yourselves.

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

When I was a kid growing up in Southern Cal, my folks took us camping in a Sears tent that was actually much larger inside than a Beneteau 305. I certainly wouldn't want to live full time in that tent with my wife and one or two kids. I looked up the specs on the 305, 30 gallon water tank and 9 gallon fuel tank. They'd be chasing down water on almost a daily basis... which would get old really fast.

Add a screaming kid to the mix along with a hand pump toilet.... forget it. Doesn't sound like heaven on earth to me.

I forgot to add the mountain of dirty, stinky diapers into the mix that need to be dealt with daily.

[Miz Pea]

You should read Uncivilized's post at least 4 times, carefully, and invite your wife to read it, too.

[TheThunderbird]

1) stop family growth Plans for now
2) choose a place in the Med where to settle and find a work ashore (Malta??)
3) rent an apt around, for the cold season
4) consider getting a larger boat, or returning to home country by NEXT year

Whatever large your savings, l doubt you can afford any 10yearlong planning with a Young family

[Sandero]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

The key words which stuck out like a sore thumb "minimize our footprint on the planet."

"minimize our footprint on the planet" = no watermaker, no generator, limited refrigeration etc and few modern conveniences if any = full-time camping

Seriously.... we hear this tale almost monthly on this forum. The male half of the relationship decides it's a great idea to go full-time camping on a boat, then can't understand when the female half decides to opt out.

wrong... merely living on a boat minimizes one's footprint.... no it doesn;t mean no Jacuzzi's and generators... what an ignorant remark.

+++++

Don't ask for or take relationship advice from strangers on the sailing forum or on a web site for that matter.

Marriage is a journey to be SHARED and so that's what you aim for... You knew that... so did she... work it out.

I met a Norwegian family in Antigua who raised 2 little kids on a boat... one was born while cruising. Fabulous kids. It's doable. Where there is a will there will be a way.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by Copacabana

That's a bit of a generalization. Some people are fine with simplicity (I, for one) and relish the idea of living simply on a boat. I do agree, though, that having a normal shore life (working, raising a child etc.) while living on a boat that doesn't have the comforts of home is another story. It's hard to come back from a day's work and have to boil water to have shower on the deck with a solar shower bag!

i think your response is perfectly in line...one side of the relationship is perfectly happy with full time camping but we haven't heard from the other side. (no idea if copacabana has a partner or if said partner shares the love of simplicity)

Ultimately, the OP needs to have a long honest talk (more likely many talks) about what their goals in life are.

One thing I see is she went along with a huge life change (moving onto a boat in a marina a continent away from friends & family). So far it sounds like it's been a lot of work and not a lot of fun. Now she is staring down another huge life change moving out of the marina to be anchored out full time never knowing where they will be from day to day, away from any new friends she has met (whether that is real or not, it may feel that way to her) and has said "enough, I want a normal life that I am familiar with".

My advice:
- Talk to her about what she is struggling with. Take your time and don't pressure her. Until you know what is wrong, you don't stand a chance at fixing it (it's entirely possible she will never want to cruise full time).
- Once you have an idea of what is wrong, try to work WITH HER to find ways to address it...maybe she's made good friends with people around the marina and feels like she is losing them, so maybe you can agree that you will come back and spend 3-6months per year at that marina, so she can retain those friendships...maybe she is afraid of anchoring out...maybe (fill in the blank)
- If it is just fear of the unknown, maybe agree to a short time to try out the lifestyle...maybe give it 6 months and if she doesn't like it you will move back...if it's just fear of the unknown, she will likely get over it or it will turn out that the fear is reality but at least you will know.

As others have said a 30' monohull with a small kid is a lot of work.