The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[OutOfControl]

A U.S. Marine General was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the General decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the General turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”

The General was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

[Montanan]

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1685347505

[Firemandivi]

[GordMay]

IN THE BEGINNING . . .
Huron Indian myth has it that in ancient times, when the land was barren and the people were starving, the Great Spirit sent forth a woman to save humanity.
As she traveled over the world, everywhere her right hand touched the soil, there grew potatoes.
And everywhere her left hand touched the soil, there grew corn.

And when the world was rich and fertile, she sat down and rested. When she arose, there grew tobacco . . .

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

Still looking good.

[GordMay]

A headline from the Dallas Morning News

Dallas Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1686014156

I found the whatchamacall it.

[Firemandivi]

[GordMay]

People often say: “I’m taking it one day at a time.”
You know what? So is everybody.
That’s how time works.

[jeanathon]

[GordMay]

If trees sent wifi signals, people might plant more of them.
Too bad, they only produce this oxygen stuff.

I told my friend that he really shouldn't be using a straw and he replied, "Yeah, I know, I know, it's bad for the environment."
I said, "Sure, there's that..."
"But it's just a really weird way of eating spaghetti."

Patient: "Doctor! I’ve been smoking for decades, and now I have a tumor in my lung! Save me!"
Doctor: "You’re fine. The idea that the human body does not change, over the course of the lifespan, is ridiculous."