Challenge: Overcoming Major Hurdle to World Cruise: Convincing the Wife !

[category4jay]

So I am starting with some baby steps to get her interest up. Plugged in a DVD last night of Captain Ron. She loved it.

I do have the books mentioned in this thread ordered for Mothers day. I'llkeep you posted.

[manforhimself]

It's nice that you are trying to educate her on your dream, good wives usually try to please their husbands, even at risk of losing themselves, it's part of being a wife and a mother. Some of the posts I've read on here are why I would never go sailing with a man who badgered me and harassed me into living his dream --- would probably wind up drowned at sea . Those types can't be trusted to be alone with out of the presence of others. I am sure that your wife will come around if you try short little weekend trips. You obviously love her and want to stay with her, make sure you tell her that often but don't use it as emotional blackmail. If she loves you she will at least give it a try. Good luck with your endeavors and your dreams and remember, you only live once.

[BlueWaterSail]

I'm going to suggest that success in this endeavor is dependant to a large degree on the stage you're at in your relationship:

Pre-marriage : Fairly easy, adventure beckons prior to settling down
Early marriage: Somewhat more difficult, kids take priority
Young parent to high school: Very difficult in every way
Kids in College: Somewhat more difficult, retirement takes priority
Empty nesters: Fairly easy, adventure beckons prior to death

BWS

[Cats Eye]

I have been living aboard since 2000. The reason I live on a boat is because my husband LOVES it. Could I be just as happy on land - not sure I have not tried it for a long time. There are some key things that keep me happy - We got a catamaran - we installed a watermaker - we go a lil Honda generator - we got a small apartment size washing machine - I have a flat screen TV for all the romance movies I force my hubby to watch. And now that I have the experience I also LOVE being on the boat sailing and cruising. It was a shot for me to just do it when I knew almost nothing about boating but what I did know was that I loved my man very much and he was a happier person living on the boat. We also lived aboard in the states and worked every day jobs mon - fri/ 9 - 5. My husband was transferred to the Virgin Islands and we lived and work 8 years there on a few different boats - now is the pay off! RETIREMENT - Now we can cruise. But I want to do it - he is not forcing me or even asking me if I want to go - it is the life we both have made together. And as far as nesting - my boat is my floating nest. In the beginning I did it for my husband but now it is for us. When I moved aboard I was younger then most live aboards around us. I was also young and carefree and I looked at it as a new life experience. (My husband is also a little older then I am.) I did not have a "nest" to sell and give up everything. I am not sure how things would have worked out if we had bought a house and did the traditional house/work/have kids. Now it is our way of life and every day on a boat is a new experience!

[mintyspilot]

It's really nice to see that there are sailing couples were the ladies are having a really good time and enjoying themselves. It seems to be a lot easier to find tales of heartbreak and woe than tales of happiness and joy so I find these contributions above really refreshing.

[Phisher]

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming, 'WOW, WHAT A RIDE!!!'"
I hope you achieve your dream!!

[category4jay]

Thanks Phisher! Great quote too-do you know who said it? I hope you find your Cruiser

[Phisher]

Yes Jay! Bill Mckenna Motorcycle racer.

[S/V Alchemy]

We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." — Charles Bukowski

[Sabbatical II]

We are about to semi retire and semi cruise when our new boat is finished. We have just sold a 29' boat that we've had for 4 years and it was our "learner boat."

What I have learn't is this.
1. If I want my wife to listen to me and encourage me with my dreams, she is more inclined to do this if I actually listen to her dreams and try to help her realise hers.
Solution for us: Me to stay at work for a few years longer (grrrr) than I had hoped for. Let her buy the nicer house and make it our home. So, the home is hers and the boat is mine.

2. Make every sailing experience a good one. Initially I had to resolve to only taking my wife out when the sun was out, the wind was light and there was a destination to look forward to (usually a good restaurant), - and sail home under the stars after. When back at the mooring, we just jumped in the dingy and went home. I came back the next morning and did all the cleaning up. I've done this often enough so that the boat had happy memories for her. Of course now, she wants to stay and help me tidy up because she's more comfortable with it. So I've given her time and space to learn how to enjoy it for herself.

3. Look for the solution that will make both husband and wife feel happy. Well I wanted to sell our business and just go cruising. Of course I can adjust to living on less, but now wifey has got used to having more money, she thinks it's more fun than living on less. She's also nervous about the 16 years or so before we can get the pension. Will the money dry up before we do? So, we're keeping business and have hired a manager. It's working out great, so guess what, maybe even wifey was right (can't let her see this). I'm glad I listened.

So for us, it' been about finding the solution that both parties are happy with. It has involved compromise on my part, but isn't that what we are wanting our spouses to do?

Greg

[cnj]

This is the female half of cnj. My husband didn't start talking abut boats until we were married for 15 years. We bought a 27' Hunter and the first year was a disaster, learning to sail from hubby wasn't possible. Just thinking about going sailing made me physically ill. I did a 3 day live aboard sailing class through Sea Sense and it helped alot. I got confidence and realized that it would take alot for me to tip the boat over (this was my major fear). When he started talking about cruising, I said only if we get a catamaran, I'm not living life on a heel and if you piss me off I want a place to go. We charted a catamaran in the BVI's and island hopped. We loved it. We bought a 35' catamaran. We won't be ready to cruise full time for another 2 years but we do a 2 week trip every year. Does going cruising full time make me nervous? sure, I have a nice comfortable life and giving all that up is scary. But when you talk to older people, they regret the things they didn't do more then the things they did. We're also giving ourselves an out. We plan on cruising for a year and then we'll decide if we're done or if we like it enough to continue. My suggestion is to find out why she's not into it. I'm sure there are things that she's scared about (like me being afraid of tipping the boat over) but you can't counter them if you don't know what they are. Good Luck!

[webejammin]

First rule of the second marrage : Don't marry anyone who was not taught to race sailboats big or small by there fathers and mothers by the age of 5 years old and bought her own boat to race against her parents at 16 years old. I'm a really lucky guy and my wife really loves to sail and live aboard

Second rule is to: let your wife dock your catamaran without you having to have a drink or other libations this works the other way around if it was her money that bought the boat

[xeon_tsd]

Somehow i got my wife to agree to 6 months... my hope is to stretch that out to 3 years, as that will take our daughter from 6th through 9th grades. I figure that she will want to come back for highschool.

[zeehag]

I don't have another half - just me gato - he was easy to convince - he was 5 weeks and had no choice - now doesn't like land..LOL.. too bad men aren't as easily trained. Now if I could just train these hurricanes.

6 months is a good start-- go to gorgeous places and see what she says about continuing.

[cruisingkyra]

I'm a little late coming into the discussion, found this thread interesting. I'm so glad some people mentioned the book Changing Course - A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life by Debra Ann Cantrell.

Not only is it a good book for "the wife" as you all say, but hubby would be smart to read it too. (Even "this wife" liked it, and I was the one who suggested the voyaging life on a boat to my hubby! Didn't have to twist his arm much, lucky me.)

In my case, I've always loved travelling (backpacking), husband discovered sailing first through a couple stints on tall ships. I figured let's try and make that work - how about going sailing? We crewed on someone's boat in the Med for 2 months. (In our early/mid thirties). Sold everything upon our return. Literally. Living on our boat for 4 years now - and heading south and beyond in one month!

I'll say this, it's good for the woman if she's an inexperienced sailor, to take classes without her partner. Sometimes it's hard to learn from your partner - people can be more sensitive about being taught/corrected etc while learning to become comfortable.

I also agree with the many who said consider altering/compromising: her dreams need to be recognized too - be creative to make it work for your couple.

I'm a low maintenance, adventurous sort who lives on a sailboat and who's already used to having foot pumps, few belongings, hot water from a kettle, etc. I like simplicity, but some partners just aren't like that. Find out what's important to them. (I requested self-tailing winches. That was important to me and I love 'em!)

The idea of the guy doing an offshore passage with his buddies and the wife meeting up with him later (by flying to the location, etc) - what's so bad about that if it means one gets to GO?

That's my (rambling) 2 cents' worth from the female perspective.
Cheers and fair winds