Why do cruisers quit cruising?

[Cheyne]

I have a friend who didn’t even make it to the end of the jetty. Spent almost a year getting his new boat ready. Sold everything. He went to see family for a week or so and when he came back there was a note. I hate you and the boat. I’m out. The boat is still for sale last I checked. We bought our boat the same exact day. We are now on our 4th year and 3rd season in the Bahamas. Will we quit. Yep. Started planning our end before we left the first time. I just don’t know when.

We spent 30 years racing sports cars all over the US and Europe. Lots of folks keep racing past when I stopped at 53. I stopped not because I had lost a step to the younger drivers. Shoot I was as quick at 53 as I was at 23, but my risk aversion was way higher. Not to my health, but the fact I was in a $200k Porsche that if I wrote it off I would have to fix it. My last race was in the rain and a guy beat me that had never beat me in the rain. I told my wife on the last lap I was done. She let out a loud cheer since when I stopped racing we could get on with sailing.

Cheyne

[Bowdrie]

^ Haha, I've seen a somewhat similar situation.
Newport Beach, Ca., late '80s, a couple buy a brand-new Hylas 44.
Domineering perfectionist wife, henpecked beta-male husband.
They spent several weeks making everything perfect, I and the other tradesmen that came aboard had to wear socks and walk on towels that she spread over the teak decks and cabin sole, I'm not so sure an errant fingerprint would have been allowed on that boat.
They motored around the bay a few times, practiced docking/undocking and hoisted the sails to do some bay sailing in protected water.
When all was judged ok they left one morning to go to Catalina.
A stiff Northwesterly wind came on early with a good chop, and they were going to weather to fetch Avalon.
Late that afternoon the boat came back to the dock covered in dried salt.
It was too much for her, I guess the sight of that was overpowering.
The boat was for sale about a month later.

[MicHughV]

Finding the right female shipmate is key to successful cruising.....they are a rare breed.
Men that have such a companion must count themselves as the fortunate few.

But before blame is laid at their feet, one must also address those " wannabe" male skippers, not a few of which also turned around.

[newlazydays]

Working in the big boat industry years ago in Fort Lauderdale I heard the following story. One day the wife said "it's me or the boat'. To which the man said "OK see you" and came back to the boat. This was a big boat with a number of crew. He gathered the crew together and asked them to write down where they would like to go in the world. Gathering the replies the man said, "OK, let's do it," and off they went. I never heard what happened to the wife!

[Jim Cate]

^^^^^

I'm reminded of a classified ad in the LA Times many years ago:

Jaguar XK120 for sale . Wife says "car goes or I go" 5000$... take your pick!

Jim

[thomm225]

I'm pretty lucky in the wife or ex-wife department. Married 21 years.

I can't or won't be able to blame her if or when I quit.

My ex stays at the house so when I retire I can cruise either locally up and down the 150 mile Chesapeake Bay or do distance sailing meaning down the East Coast and maybe into the Gulf or the Bahamas.

The plan is to get a couple Labs and a small power boat for when I'm not sailing so we can get reacquainted with the place where we grew up and used to fish etc.

We are near 0 Celsius right now, and today will be building a backstay using Sta-Lok fittings.

I put on another coat of bottom paint on Saturday when temp was 45 degrees F or 7.2 C. The Sun was on that side so it worked out.

Point of this info is that the boat can keep an older person busy planning and completing maintenance projects as well as sailing.

So, if you don't overload yourself with huge plans of cruising the world you can sail or cruise locally until you feel you want to go further.

It's a pretty good hobby to have and can keep you active especially as you age.

[mbianka]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

Finding the right female shipmate is key to successful cruising.....they are a rare breed.
Men that have such a companion must count themselves as the fortunate few.

But before blame is laid at their feet, one must also address those " wannabe" male skippers, not a few of which also turned around.

Quite right. I appreciate the woman who knows my sailing needs even if she does not share my passion. My partner of 41 years would come on the boat during weekends when I was working in New York City and living onboard She was not keen on sailing unless it was in May on a crewed catamaran in the Bahamas or January in the Maldives. To get along go along is the advice I followed in these excursions. Such cruises and the ones I did on my boat in my younger days satisfied my wanderlust and now I am a happy solo sailor content in my local waters having gotten the long distance cruises out of my system and have no plans to ever sell the boat until forced to.

[HadIt]

Sorry for the wall of text. I made this account for anonymity but participate regularly on this forum under another account. From my part, we just made the decision last night to quit cruising. I purchased a vessel about 3 years ago and have spent the purchase price and incalculable blood sweat and tears fixing the electrical/structural/rigging/engines and outfitting it for world cruising. The expense and effort have been withering and I have exceeded my best shot at a budget by 200% over my estimates due to pop up major issues and the extra expense incurred trying to refit in Guatemala. I sailed it about 1100 miles to get it back to the US. My wife moved aboard and has been a trouper on trying to make this life work but the juice vs squeeze ratio in our cruising experience has turned out to be abysmal. Among other things, she is on her third broken toe via onboard trips as of yesterday. She is afraid when we have a passage upcoming and I try very hard to avoid bad weather and almost always do. I have to work my day job via internet in the daytime and the constant boat projects fixes (sewage spilling, horrible smells, fresh water line coming undone and filling the engine bay with our stores of fresh water - twice! My wife gets board lonely and I don't blame her. Even though I retired next month I don't think it will be enough. She doesn't want to quit, but she hates being on the boat and I can see that and she is just trying to buck up, so I am calling it. I already know everyone who thought we were crazy to try to retire to living on a boat and cruising is definitely going to rub it in our face at some level...that is going to be fun.

We are not quite through our first year cruising but the "cruising" socialization out there has been hit / miss, mostly miss. One hit was notably Marathon/Boot Key Harbor where they have a fairly developed cruising community. Generally, it seems Florida with a few exceptions very much NOT cruiser friendly to people who don't have a million dollar cruising budget and it is a constant battle just to find a way to get the dinghy to shore to get groceries or go for a walk or get off the boat. Problem is Florida is very much a big obstacle to navigate around so it needs to be dealt with, so we are in $$$$$$$$ marinas some times, some times $$$ mooring and lots on the hook without shore access.

One example of the "you are not wanted here" shore access issues is from Boot Key - where the cruiser community was better developed. I wanted to take my wife on a snorkeling excursion so we dinghy down the island to get to a spot where it wasn't a miles walk to get to the departure marina (which we do all the time) in the heat seemed a bad idea to do before we even got in the boat to motor out to Sombrero Reef when my wife is prone to sea sickness (she is a physician and we've already tried everything don't want to get that discussion going). We thus took the dinghy over to Safety Harbor marina. As I was motoring in I asked a lady that looked like a staffer which way the dinghy dock was and she pointed and I went. I kept going and yep there it is. in the corner. I crossed under some moored kayaks that were tied to a high post which I couldn't reach from the water and tied the dinghy to the leg of the fishing table but pointed out where it naturally rested. I went into the the office and explained to the two ladies in there that we were just trying to avoid the heat of the long walk for my wife to do a snorkel trip and that I was in the mooring field up the bay and would the gate be open when we returned. I was asked if I was a marina resident customer and I said no but I fully intended to fill my vessel up with diesel on the way out so they would be getting several hundred dollars. They said the gate was broken and wouldn't even close so don't sweat it. I thanked them profusely and went to the snorkel trip and returned. On return out dinghy had been swung around and side tied to the fish cleaning table with a bike lock so that the table drains drained into our dinghy. It was filled with fish guts and stinking water that took me many hours to clean out. I went in to ask WTF and the manager said I was trying to sneak a dingy in on them and that I was to leave an never come back and if I did I would be trespassed. I told her I went in and talked to her staff and dock manager, offered to buy fuel for the big boat but they ladies (one of whom was right there) wouldn't acknowledge what I said and I was accused by the manager of lying and told to leave. She said that their dingy dock fee was $20/hour; that was not posted and was never mentioned or I would have begrudgingly paid it so we could go. There here were no signs about not using the dinghy dock. Just a little taste of hospitality. I would NEVER treat a potential customer like that; I think they are fully insane. We have tried to be good cruisers and be environmentally conscious, help out other cruisers but these negative experiences pile up faster than I can work on them. My poor wife is really trying to be a trouper but gets pretty sick about 2/3 or the time when we move the boat any distance and it takes a few days for her stomach to fully recover. She is a kind person and it makes here feel bad that we as cruisers seem to be a pariah. I am aware that we could "grind" through these issues and finally get to the "real/good" cruising grounds outside of Florida and the US but, all in, this was a HUGE mistake and I don't think the grind would possibly be worth it. It takes its tole and you end up with PTSD that emotionally amplifies the speed bumps going forward. For that reason I am calling "no joy" and selling the boat. Anyway that is our story. We'll try to figure out some non boat centered life on land good luck to all you who have this figured out

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by HadIt

... I made this account for anonymity but participate regularly on this forum under another account ...

FWIW: The CF Rules* state: “... Participants may only have one account. Moderators may consolidate or delete multiple accounts...”
* Rules ➥ https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...ork&page=rules

[mbianka]

Originally Posted by HadIt

For that reason I am calling "no joy" and selling the boat. Anyway that is our story. We'll try to figure out some non boat centered life on land good luck to all you who have this figured out

Your reality check reminds me of the biography of the iconic cruising sailing couple Lin and Larry Pardy. It was called AS LONG AS IT'S FUN. It's good advice if you or your spouse are no longer having fun with the cruising lifestyle better to find out sooner rather than later.
Life is too short to keep doing things that are no longer enjoyable. Enjoy your next life move.

[sailorboy1]

weather, small spaces, boat wakes, marinas, other boaters, boat yards, problems getting supplies, maintenance

all among the reasons to quit once they are more on your mind than the fun and new sights

for us we were on our last planned cruise and had a collision and THAT was it for us

[OneBoatman]

Two reasons: 1) Usually because someone on board misses the creature comforts they had on land. 2) Because everyone wants a piece of your hard-earned money wherever you go, simply because you are a boater and the rest of the World knows you love your boat and can charge you anything they want, knowing that you don't want to be swimming with fishes.

[Kinkircating]

Originally Posted by HadIt

The expense and effort have been withering and I have exceeded my best shot at a budget by 200% over my estimates due to pop up major issues and the extra expense incurred trying to refit in Guatemala.

I have to work my day job via internet in the daytime and the constant boat projects fixes

My wife gets board lonely and I don't blame her...she hates being on the boat

We are not quite through our first year cruising but the "cruising" socialization out there has been hit / miss, mostly miss.

Sorry to hear you have "HadIt", but this pretty much is a text book case for why the plan was doomed to fail from the beginning and it was unfortunately self induced. I commented on the opening page of this thread 2 years ago and you can just read through my points of why couples fail.

I understand the allure all too well, but hopefully others reading this will take heed of the lessons here.

-Don't buy more boat than you can easily afford, marinas, maintenance and all of the gazillion unexpected things.
-Don't buy a boat that is going to take 2 years to prepare and think somehow miraculously your spouse is going to enjoy the process...all while working a full time job.
-Don't choose the cruising grounds to start out that takes one simple Google search to know totally sucks.
-Expect that it will be a huge expensive learning curve the first 18 months or so when you do get out cruising.

To the OP, I honestly hope this is just a bump in the road for you and I'd encourage you to give it 1 more year, it will get easier. Get the "effe" out of Florida, the greatest cruising ground in the world is 90 miles east, and you've got 3 months of prime cruising weather ahead of you before you need to get north. If after 2 years you've got a boat and crew not capable of crossing the Gulf Stream, then I do agree it's time to hang it up...but I believe you can do it!

[Kettlewell]

From my part, we just made the decision last night to quit cruising. I purchased a vessel about 3 years ago and have spent the purchase price and incalculable blood sweat and tears fixing the electrical/structural/rigging/engines and outfitting it for world cruising.

Very sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. This is why I believe it is important for newbies to purchase a cheap, small, older boat first (around 30 feet) to learn the ropes and teach yourself about not only how to sail and take care of the boat, but what the lifestyle is like. And, your thread reminds me to add the advice to do it in local waters where you are close to home, friends, help, and you're life isn't tied to the boat until you know that's what you want. This post also brings up another point that is somewhat delicate, and that is the attitude towards cruisers varies tremendously from country to country and place to place. On the East Coast of the USA Florida is the least friendly state, by far, as we can see with their anti-anchoring ordinances, persnickety marine patrols of all sorts, and lack of good places to cruise and sail. Start out in some place like the Chesapeake and you will find a much more welcoming climate, an infinite number of places to visit and anchor, and more forgiving weather (less hurricanes). I've had people shout out to me from shore offering their dock space for free, even busy towns like Annapolis have free dinghy docks all over the place, and fellow boaters have always been helpful. Again, sorry for your bad experience, and I hope you find what you want ashore.

[mvweebles]

I wonder how many aspiring cruisers dream of anchoring out all the time but then find they actually prefer marina hopping but didn't budget for the expense and availability issues?

We thought we'd anchor all the time but ended up enjoying marinas for access to shore side activities and excursions. About a 50/50 blend for us. I do have to observe that finding a slip for our 36 foot boat is pretty easy compared to friends on 50 footers. Plus it's more affordable if course.