Don't quit yet, but here some advice...

[ArtM]

Originally Posted by carstenb

The "I live on a boat" women, think its a gas (most of the time) to beat upwind, even though it means being wet, cold, hair blown everywhere etc etc.

Some women can make the transition from "I have a boat" type to "I live on a boat". Some cannot.

Very true. We recently went on a couple-owned charter (5 days) on a monohull sailboat.

Nearly 99% of the lessons were beating upwind. No matter how often we repeated that we preferred downwind sailing, and that my wife was going to get turned off by the constant wind, spray, and lurching of the boat, those two just could not resist that urge to "point her up to the wind!"

The two women were utterly unable to understand one another in this regard. It sounds like you have experience with both!

In fairness, it would have been impractical to do all downwind sailing - the way the winds were blowing and the shallowness of the waters made upwind work unavoidable.

So that is why I am bent on getting a catamaran in the future, even though they are both larger and more expensive than I am really prepared to manage right now.

P.S. That fat bottomed monohull with her full bimini didn't point to the wind any better than any catamaran I've heard about.

[carstenb]

Art,

The best thing to do is to get your wife you go again. this time do a bare boat. then you can decide to go up or downwind.

yes a cat is a more stabile platform, which many new sailors prefer, since it takes some experience before they realize that monohulls can't (generally) capsize.

I have known both types of women (and men). Fortunately, my wife is the "I live on a boat" type.

She also looks great in high heels and a formal gown. She's a great dancer too. How lucky can one guy get?

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by carstenb

...
She also looks great in high heels and a formal gown. She's a great dancer too. How lucky can one guy get?

I'm wondering how lucky can TWO guys get?

[ArtM]

Thanks for the suggestion Carsten, but I should add that story was more complicated than I made it seem, and I understated the true case for our Cat decision.

The main purpose of that charter was certification, on-board (sailing) experience for my wife, and for her to gain confidence in my ability to handle a sail boat. Also, I wanted her to experience a true cruising-type monohull to understand it's liveability.

The below-decks living is just not comfortable for her, and even in calm blue waters it will never be a pleasure to her. For me, I can live with it, but I certainly do prefer and appreciate the top-deck living of a Lagoon, FP, or Leopard cat.

[sww914]

I quit almost every leg of our journey. The wind isn't often what you want and the swell is usually coming from the wrong direction and everything is bouncing around and breaking I'm bruised and exhausted and hungry and sick of the whole thing and I start deciding how I'm going to break it to my wife that we're done with this bullsh*t adventure.
Then we pull into another amazing anchorage and get some shrimp or lobster almost for free and meet some wonderful people and catch some fish and walk along another perfect, deserted beach in the sun and I'm really really glad that we're doing this.
Is this easy? NO!
Is it good?
Yes.

[Livia]

Originally Posted by Richard5

One year I kept track of the winds. In just over 300 hours flown I had winds within 30 degrees of the head 83% of the time. Now this just didn't make sense at all seeing how much of my time was out and back trips within a few hours. Points on the compass, it didn't matter. It just is....

TRUE wind? Really? Not relative? Not trying to be a jerk, but difficult to believe.

It isn't that hard to have a downwind cruising experience. Start on the right coast (the left coast of N America), head S, when you get to Mexico, turn right

We didn't go to weather until we made a u-turn and came back from the Cooks to French Poly.

[Djent]

Originally Posted by propellanttech

You know.....I find the last point somewhat one sided, and very naive. Let me explain:

Most guys who can afford a big nice planning cruiser are going to have that Ferrari or at least the top of the line BMW to go with it. They have the big money, and money attracts certain types of women.

This is called selective process. It happens in nature all the time with other creatures who have the best displays and most extravagant colors.

Before some other person gets the idea, that is what he or she wants. Most women that are attracted to that display expect the suitor to provide that same amount of effort/money throughout their lives. Money, riches, remarkable vacations, etc.

I really think I'll stick with my low maintenance wife. She is quite happy with a small boat, living on a small budget, and I'm not going to be required to work until I die. She understands how to "do without" to insure she gets to enjoy much more of the simple life.

Is my wife a runway model? Nope, and I sure am glad. She is smart, and that is something that will not go away, unlike looks. All women can get thicker, and all will get old.

I'm happy with the trusty sail, and slow. Let the playboys of the world have all the high maintenance women. I'll stick with the easy life.

James L

Hero. This is why I love sailing. You sir, have a fantastic attitude and have made me very happy to share your thoughts. Huzzah

[CharlieCobra]

Something to be said for having a smart woman who is a nine instead of a ten and likes eating rice and beans as much as filet mignon. Especially one who is utterly faithful who WANTS to spend her time with me...

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by CharlieCobra

Something to be said for having a smart woman who is a nine instead of a ten and likes eating rice and beans as much as filet mignon. Especially one who is utterly faithful who WANTS to spend her time with me...

Must be Hell, Charlie, dropping all the way down to a nine after a lifetime of tens.

[Corpus]

Originally Posted by Richard5

I just noticed that the OP asked why I thought his post was laughable. I apologize for the delay in answering.

My intention was not to dismiss your experience or your skill set. Certainly not was I to laugh at the apparent misfortune of your adventure.

What I found most disagreeable was to draw conclusions from one anecdotal experience then to generalize that acoss all similar pursuits. Further, one's own attitude is a factor. I suspect that the OP concluded from his Key West debacle that the remaining sail to differing climes would be more of the same. I found that part especially, um, laughable.

I have stood on the plunging bow above 40* Lat just for the hell of it. A reach in a beam sea for 10 days (Japan-Alaska in April) I count among my worst experiences. But as some have found, there is the grand adventure of it, even if one finds little appreciation while doing it. In those 10 days I found what it was like to walk on walls when the flat ware, et al was on the cabin sole. And I finally found the snuggest corner of my bunk. I would do it again if I had experienced crew mates.

And the OP's 3 days spent on the hook? Well, that's for starters.

Summary: one's attitude determines the outcome, if one would do it again. Sorry if this came to sound like a pissing match.

Just one more tale to emphasis of my point: Caught in 30' swells in 60 kts ,and increasing, on our way to WA from Hawaii, myself and one other decided to turn tail. It was too tight a run for even OR so we made for Crescent City, then Eureka. Eventually Monterey, CA. In that 8 days we enjoyed a downhill sleigh ride. A full moon on the rise in clear skies meant we had enough light round the clock. I dug it! I mean, I enjoyed the ride immensely. This even though I knew we were often on the edge of mishap. Sometimes those mishaps will come in spite of knowledge or experience. What remains is one's attitude. From the beggining it is all about attitude.

For me to say that because I had a roaring good time in that confused sea state then to dismiss another if they don't is not right of me. Likewise, for the OP to say 'this is how it was for me, this is how it will be for you' (or even, this is how it is here, it will be the same elsewhere) is way out there.

Of course I didn't mean to suggest that my one experience is the way it is for everyone. However I do think there are way more people like me than like you. People with big dreams and a little skill who find out they don't like 30' swells or confused seas (or even 5' swells for that matter). You are a very unique person to enjoy such harsh conditions.

I thought I was willing to put up with living in a tiny fiberglass home that was constantly moving in order to enjoy the benefits of pulling into new harbors and anchoring off of secluded beaches. But.....I wasn't, at least not in the way I was doing it.

I agree about having the right attitude, maybe I was never completely commited to begin with. Sailing was a means to end, not an end in itself. A person probably has to really love sailing to be a real cruiser (now after saying that, it seems rather obvious?)

BTW..just got back from a short trip to Colombia. Visited a few cities by bus and staid in hostals. Got to visit lots of cool places, and met a bunch of great people from all over the world. And the best part, my bed to didn't move once the whole time!

[Corpus]

Originally Posted by xdeeman

Let’s remember one important item here, the OP posted in the SAILORS CONFESSIONAL, not the “Sailing is all Caviar and Sunsets” thread. He stated HIS experience and HIS take-aways as someone who was brave and diligent enough to fully throw his leg over this idea of sailing. Thankfully CF has a pretty well-mannered population, but the responses to his honest confessions were lame and sad. As someone who dreams of sailing for an extended period at some point, it was VERY interesting to read what he posted. The Cruising magazines can often paint an overly optimistic image of people sitting in a lagoon, and yes tied to a coconut tree, as dolphins entertain them and fresh fruit and icy cold punch are within reach. I don’t think the OP ever said he hated the experience or even regrets it.

Perhaps we should employ a new rule in the Sailors Confessional forum. Only up-lifting, back-slapping stories extoling the virtues of sailing are allowed – how’s that sound?

YES! THANKYOU!

Yes my original post was to offer a unique perspective from someone who doesn't fall into one of the two main catagories of people on this site:

1-the hard core proffesionals who have done it all
2-the novices who have done nothing

I admit I my closer to the 2nd group, but I don't remember reading to many stories about people sailing and then giving it up. I guess those people don't post on CF.

except me

[sabray]

Found a real good way to feel better about life aboard. Go to an ikea I really suspect IKEA is four letter Swedish word that means hell.

[sww914]

Ikea has good meatballs and some cheap LED 12v fixtures. It's a nightmare other than that.

[In Training]

Enjoyed reading all of this.

This week my mother said "I can't imagine anyone wanting to live on a boat" -- that kind of scared me. You think of how hard it will be to learn to sail and you fear not getting good enough, quick enough. Will I be able to learn navigation, will my husband overtrust his toys and not look at the water itself. Will we buy too big a boat and then regret it. But you don't think enough probably about the day after day adjustment to the small living space.

No boat yet, but it is the plan. Then I remembered the pictures of my dad standing on the seat of his motorcycle as he rode down the street -- and I found out that my mom wouldn't even ride around the block on it and she also wouldn't ride in the speed boat with him either. What was he thinking -- with the wrong head, no doubt.

I don't think you can ever be sure you will adjust to living on a boat until you do it. All the comments you read and advice you get can't prepare you and you just have to have enough guts to do it. What if you missed the most wonderful part of your life just because you were afraid of change, or afraid of being afraid. That would be like being in jail.
You have to give any of these guys credit for getting out there and doing it regardless of their disappointment or lack of knowledge and learning curve. They are more alive than 90% of the people out there.

[mbianka]

Originally Posted by ArtM

So that is why I am bent on getting a catamaran in the future, even though they are both larger and more expensive than I am really prepared to manage right now.

P.S. That fat bottomed monohull with her full bimini didn't point to the wind any better than any catamaran I've heard about.

Suggest you charter some cats also and see if you enjoy sailing them in those same conditions also. I've found they take a pounding when sailing even in moderate conditions. IMO they are wonderful platforms at anchor. I just find the pounding when underway unnerving. Maybe you won't but, I would check it out before you pull out the checkbook.