What Works for Us

[Stillraining]

OK our posts crossed and I see where your going with this...but the act of communicating doesn't always end in changes of opinions on a matter of importance...both sides are going to have to compromise on something.

All I can say is if you and your wife never have to compromise on anything you truly are an oddity and a one of a kind rarity and it is not the norm that most of us face.

To always want to please some one is by definition a compromise, or better put a denial of oneself...no way around that fact of definition on the action portion of it.

Communication has everything to do with how you are transferring intentions to each other...but has nothing to do with those intentions themselves...If your intentions is to always please there is a denial of self in the vernacular definition of that action...there would be no need for communications if you always knew what the other wanted and acted first...

That would be a compromise/utopia in a relationship i just could not bear to live with...

[the_cowper]

Dave and I have been married for over 26years and have grown up together as we lived on our own without any family support and had to support each other the whole time. Now are children are grown last one is in University and I wanted to go sailing, I had been out a couple of times over the years and thought it would be perfect for the 2 of us to relax and learn a new skill together.
I finally got him to go out and the next day he was on th eweb looking for a boat.
We bought one last summer.
Now the issue is we have taken lessons but sometimes I just don't know what to do and I will not do anything if someone yells at me.
We have about 7 - 10 years until retirement so lots of time to learn and laugh at our mistakes or his dumb husband things as I like to call them.
As for spending time together we do most everything together, we like each other and not that we don't like to socialize we love a good party. But usually if only one is invited we either won't go or if we have to (work stuff) then we leave early or have the other one meet us to continue after the function starts to break up.
If you do not have a good relationship it will not get better in a confined space without both of you really wanting it to work.

[anjou]

Originally Posted by feelsgood

See I knew you would get it the word is not compromise but COMMUNICATE If we all help eachother we men MIGHT just get it right in the end. By the way I find the girls are very quiet on this subject especialy as it concerns them. Come on girls please

Not at all. Your preacng to the converted here. I think I say too much on occasions and im rarely short of an opinion.
You are just so right and im always telling men who are having a bitch about women that they have simply been with the wrong ones and not all girls are the same.

[sweetsailing]

By the way I find the girls are very quiet on this subject especialy as it concerns them. Come on girls please

I will chime in. First, I want to say great post and great topic. Second, I like to think that my husband and I subscribe to the philosophy that you outline, but I feel like I should print out your post and keep in handy for re-reading when I feel like we aren't quite living up to it. Remember it's the journey that's important not the point of destination.

Any talk of relationship on a sailing board ultimately gets intertwined with the discussion of cruising/the dream and who's dream is it anyway?

As a woman sailor and one who is not following his dream, I find, that although I may represent few women out there (I think there are more of us than you think) that I have actually constructed my own dream and yes it includes cruising. I think the general concensus ends up being that if women go cruising, it's only because she is following his dream or he did a great job convincing her. Is it unreasonable to consider that the dream may in fact originate with the woman and how wonderful that the man agrees. I know that you will probably give me all kinds of numbers to suggest that in the vast majority of cases the dream originates with the man and you would probably be right, however I am just asking that you consider the possibility of this not always being the case.

My husband and I take sailing classes together, navigation classes together, engine maintainence classes together, sail together, charter together, work on the boat together, decide on upgrades and enhancements together, shop at West Marine together. For us eventual liveaboard and cruising are simply a natural extension of what we already do.

Communication is an art and one that must be practiced everyday, just like I practice my navigational skills and my sail trim.

[feelsgood]

stillraining we dont deserve a medal and we are not perfect (boy you want to see me argue with people on the pontoon) I do not deny myself anything wne putting Sally first because I try to understand each day what her needs may be I am putting myself in the possition of helping myself to enjoy the day more because she will enjoy her day. I am sure we are not the only couple like us its just that this is s small forum and Thanks very much for the complement