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Old 15-05-2014, 18:59   #3466
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Re: The Joke Thread

Outdoors sex
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Old 15-05-2014, 20:25   #3467
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Outdoors sex
LOL...Now all we need to do is substitute "Cruising Yacht" for Farm and go anchor in Florida. )
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Old 15-05-2014, 20:34   #3468
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Re: The Joke Thread

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LOL...Now all we need to do is substitute "Cruising Yacht" for Farm and go anchor in Florida. )
Wifey B: We don't smell bad....
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Old 15-05-2014, 20:43   #3469
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Wifey B: We don't smell bad....
OK. One out of three isn't bad.
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Old 15-05-2014, 20:46   #3470
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Re: The Joke Thread

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OK. One out of three isn't bad.
Wifey B: And you find anything wrong with the other two? What are pools and hot tubs and flybridges for?
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Old 15-05-2014, 20:51   #3471
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Wifey B: And you find anything wrong with the other two? What are pools and hot tubs and flybridges for?
Oh don't get me wrong. That wasn't criticism, it was praise, admiration and perhaps a bit of envy.
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Old 15-05-2014, 21:39   #3472
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Wifey B: We don't smell bad....
I agree.... We don't smell bad.... But just maybe it is because we got used to that boaty smell of sometimes limited ventilation and mystery spills in hard to reach spaces as OUR SMELL!

I still think the sign is something to be proud of )
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Old 16-05-2014, 03:36   #3473
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Re: The Joke Thread

My attorney in front of his office, Folly Beach SC
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Old 16-05-2014, 06:39   #3474
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Re: The Joke Thread

Just the attorney on Folly Beach is enough to make you think again.
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Old 16-05-2014, 11:43   #3475
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A little political humor

Some of these are oldies and have probably been around but good enough they are worth repeating.

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author Unknown
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they’ll stop telling lies about us, I’ll stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Texas Guinan
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. ~Gore Vidal
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle
Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city , it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson
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Old 18-05-2014, 06:21   #3476
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Re: The Joke Thread

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "lights bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs
15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and change their own light bulbs
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that Barak O. isn't the brightest bulb.
4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
1 moderator to lock the light bulb thread.
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Coops.
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Old 18-05-2014, 06:38   #3477
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Easy now. Shedding light on folks' faults will cause them to bury their heads further.
Besides you all are changing them wrong. My way is the only correct way. I only allow the locals with the proper work permits do it.
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Old 18-05-2014, 07:01   #3478
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You left out 26 wise guy posts: but now I'm curious what is the proper term. light bulb, lightbulb, or lamp?
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Old 18-05-2014, 07:37   #3479
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by sparrowhawk1 View Post
You left out 26 wise guy posts: but now I'm curious what is the proper term. light bulb, lightbulb, or lamp?
You also left out the guy who is smart enough to pull up websters unabridged dictionary of the english language on the web and get the correct answer:

lightbulb

noun
electric lamp consisting of a transparent or translucent glass housing containing a wire filament (usually tungsten) that emits light when heated by electricity [syn: light bulb]

Which informs us that either version is acceptable

Said nerd will further include a link to Wikipedia, for a detailed discussion of the phenomena

Incandescent light bulb - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

yet note that the wiki page has a link to lightbulb jokes (not light bulb), thereby clouding the issue somewhat:

Lightbulb joke - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Since lightbulb jokes invariably are derogatory to some social, ethnic, or sex (how many XXX does it take to change a lightbulb?
3, one to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder, although with public employees the answer is 5,
One to hold the bulb
two to turn the ladder
one to supervise
one to lean on the shovel)

2,390 lawyers are also needed to ensure that no stereotyping takes place and all have an equal opportunity to change light bulbs regardless of their race, creed, sexual orientation (or lack thereof), religion or national origin.

did I leave anyone out?

By the way - the aforementioned moderator will be one busy beaver..............
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Old 18-05-2014, 08:18   #3480
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Re: The Joke Thread

Why did the Moderator cross the road?
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