The Joke Thread

[BigJohn]

ummm ... ok ...

[carstenb]

New Aussie Pickup Line

A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I’ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

Almost brings a tear to your eye. Doesn’t it!

[Seaworthy Lass]

Originally Posted by carstenb

New Aussie Pickup Line
A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I’ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

Almost brings a tear to your eye. Doesn’t it!

What's wrong with that as a pickup line?
Works for me Oops, keep forgetting hubby is reading this

[carstenb]

I'll try it next time I'm down under. What do I say if she slaps me?

[T1 Terry]

Depends how hard the slap is, ranges from ohh... saucy to where the hell am I when you finally regain consciousness :lol:

T1 Terry

[daddle]

Originally Posted by carstenb

A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I’ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

Please edit into a forum appropriate form. Bang you on the...

Nav table...
Steering pedestal...
Main winches...

[Coops]

Blonde joke
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?'

'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift ?'

'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo.

They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me ? I' ll give you $100 for your trouble..'

'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

'What the heck are you doing here ?' he demanded, 'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.'

'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,' but we had money left over --- so now we're going to Sea World.
__________________

Coops.

[Tonyjay]

Nailing it


https://vimeo.com/66753575

[kthoennes]

Now that's funny.

[Hotel L]

+2 nailed it

[senormechanico]

Post of the day !!

[Seaworthy Lass]

Originally Posted by Tonyjay

Nailing it
https://vimeo.com/66753575

What nail?

[bluemoose]

Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass

What nail?

come now, the first post from a lass should have been: "he just couldn't listen" or some such... ;-)

[senormechanico]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians , will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She's not 'BEEN AROUND' - She's

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She's not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

'LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

3. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

4. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of

RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

5. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

[Lajos]

Originally Posted by Tonyjay

Nailing it

https://vimeo.com/66753575

I posted the video on my Facebook and here is my GFs comment: HEY! BUT! Really.... The nail wasn't the problem!!!

(I think she was joking?...)