The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by HopCar

Have you tried turning it off and back on?
Now I’m an IT consultant too!

I knew an IT guy whose voicemail greeting was:

"John Smith, IT. ... Yes ... Uh-hu ... Hmmm ... yes ... OK, reboot and call me back if that doesn't work."

[Joh.Ghurt]

A farmer arrives at a neighbouring farm and is greeted by a young boy.
"Boy, I'd like to speak to your father"
"Sorry, but my parents are at a farmer's market and won't return before Sunday. But if you need anything, I know where all the tools are. I'm certain I can help you"
"I don't need any tool. I'm here because your brother got my daughter pregnant."
"I know we charge $100 for the bull, $40 for the big boar, but I really don't know how much we charge for Ben. You'll have to come back on Monday and ask my father"

[carlosproa]

[carlosproa]

[CatNewBee]

The German Empire strikes back. [emoji12]

[MicHughV]

so Paddy and Mick are sitting in the pub in Dublin, having a few..
Paddy turns to Mick and asks him...."where do you live, Mick?"....
Mick replies " I live on O'Shaughnessy Street"
Paddy " oh sure an' begorrah, can ya believe, I live on the same Street"....
Paddy continues..." and where didya go to school, Mick?"
Mick replies " I went to the St. Patrick's High School"..
Paddy" you don't say, that's unbelievable, I went to the same school"
Paddy continues " Mick, do you have any brothers or sisters?"
Mick replies " yassah, I have a younger sister named Theresa"
Paddy " dat's incredible, I also have a younger sister named Theresa"...

This goes on and on, and a curious bystander asks the barman "What's with these two?"
Bartender tells him " don't mind them, that's the O'Toole brothers getting drunk again"

[Jamme]

[tennis4789]

For all yiu arctic sailboaters.

How to catch a polar bear?
1. Cut hole in ice
2. Put peas around the hole
3. When he comes to take a pea. Kick him in the icehole.

[zsnemeth]

Originally Posted by Joh.Ghurt

A farmer arrives at a neighbouring farm and is greeted by a young boy.
"Boy, I'd like to speak to your father"
"Sorry, but my parents are at a farmer's market and won't return before Sunday. But if you need anything, I know where all the tools are. I'm certain I can help you"
"I don't need any tool. I'm here because your brother got my daughter pregnant."
"I know we charge $100 for the bull, $40 for the big boar, but I really don't know how much we charge for Ben. You'll have to come back on Monday and ask my father"

Hey! A really funny joke. After reading this thread, I thought they don't exist anymore.

[GordMay]

Greetings and belated welcome aboard the CF, zsnemeth.

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to the 2021 Joke thread! I don't think I've seen you here before."
Original joke replies ...
"Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 981759812.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep after the beep please wait for the beep.
If you have low self esteem, hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, credit card number and you grandmother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep. Actually, after the beep. Or before the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9
If you have short term memory loss, press 9
If you have short term memory loss, press 9
If you have short term memory loss, press 9

[GordMay]

I returned home, from court, to see a banner: “Welcome home, Dad”, hanging over the foyer.
It was a suspended sentence.

Does anyone else feel troubled that, the name of this year is, literally,
2020 Won?

After I've been waiting at the drive through, they call me fat.
And they say it, as though it's their fault.
"Welcome sir. I'm sorry about your wait. Can I take your order?"
When you think about it, I guess it is, kind of, their fault.

[rardoin]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Easy……unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way….unique up on it!



What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
Still no idea.

[GordMay]

Josh Willis studies melting glaciers. Then makes people laugh about them.
➥ https://grist.org/article/meet-clima...dian-by-night/

Guy Scientist, A "True" Story by a Fictional Character ➥ https://youtu.be/3ZmYalRaZgk

Dick Dangerfield - Ep1 ➥ https://youtu.be/ibcUrNTTj8E

Climate Elvis - Climate Rock
“You take a bunch of weather and you average it together and you’re doing the Climate Rock!”
Climate Elvis meets a curious 11-year old and answers her question about climate with a song.
➥ https://youtu.be/WGfKRfyhvd0

[GordMay]

Greetings and welcome aboard the CF, rardoin.

[carlosproa]