Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by bella

first you seem to think that any woman much over 30 are stuffy and old and not very good looking. your experience with women must be limitied or you simply are in all the wrong places. Wow have you got a LOT to learn. plenty of decent looking women over 50 out there, who can probably run circles around you and still pull up that 80lb anchor no sweat. smh.... But anyone your age or close would remind you that you are "growing older" inescapable fact..

your offense at the "banging/chasing tail" which you call dating.is ludicrious its just words and they are all the thing... you can hide facts behind nice wording but..... good lord it just goes further and further down the shallow end of the pool with you.

You make a comment about "where to winter in fla" which implies you are not already here and yet you tell someone else on another thread you are already in titusville..stay there.. its cheap and on the direct route south to the bahamas..

I love you Bella. In a purely platonic way of course!

[Celestialsailor]

Originally Posted by weavis

I like watching slow motion car wrecks. It antidotes my caring sharing physician persona in my personal time. Keeps me grounded.

More like an endless loop that ends up at the beginning to be repeated. I said it early on and here we are. Nothing has been learned by the OP and he admits to not wanting to grow up. So I wonder what the point is.

[alctel]

Originally Posted by weavis

If you get married, put it in the pre nup.

If she moves in, well sadly in the UK, after 6 months she is classed as de facto partner and entitled to half of your goodies. She has to leave for a while after 6 months.........

relationships have issues that need thinking about.....

That's not really what I was asking about

[David_Old_Jersey]

There is usually a reason why some of us are single. Ashore or afloat.

Sent from my NEXUS 5 whilst sitting in my armchair tied to the dock.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by alctel

That's not really what I was asking about

Originally Posted by alctel

I'm kind of curious, for those who were single and living on their boat who then found a girlfriend who moved in with them - how did you manage to move from 'my boat' to 'our boat'

In my case I've redone every single system on my boat, and if I ever decided to stop being single, I can't see how a partner would ever feel it's 'our boat' as my energy and work is in every single inch. The only thing I can see is buying a new boat, together. Is that a fair assessment?

Let me try again.
No one gets married to get a divorce.

Why would you want to let this boat go? Has the magic disappeared? Are you bored with it now?

I have too many friends who let homes and boats and cars go only to lose everything else when the relationship split up a few years later.

I made the decision to keep what was precious to me. It would be brave of me to sell my boat and start again........... given that relationships are very tenuous. A woman could share my boat, but not own it. Its mine. If she wanted to get a joint boat, I would still keep my boat.

When one of my sisters was thinking about remarrying 20 years ago, I urged her to keep the house in her name and prenup. The guy was angry over it. I suggested that he put up £30k and I would put up 30K in my sisters name and they buy a house together and my sister keep her own house. Turned out he had undisclosed debts. He left the scene shortly after. When she married someone else a while later, she not only kept the house, she also kept her family name. A lesson well learned.

Its not romantic but it is practical.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by weavis

Let me try again.
No one gets married to get a divorce.

Why would you want to let this boat go? Has the magic disappeared? Are you bored with it now?

I have too many friends who let homes and boats and cars go only to lose everything else when the relationship split up a few years later.

I made the decision to keep what was precious to me. It would be brave of me to sell my boat and start again........... given that relationships are very tenuous. A woman could share my boat, but not own it. Its mine. If she wanted to get a joint boat, I would still keep my boat.

When one of my sisters was thinking about remarrying 20 years ago, I urged her to keep the house in her name and prenup. The guy was angry over it. I suggested that he put up £30k and I would put up 30K in my sisters name and they buy a house together and my sister keep her own house. Turned out he had undisclosed debts. He left the scene shortly after. When she married someone else a while later, she not only kept the house, she also kept her family name. A lesson well learned.

Its not romantic but it is practical.

Excellent advice. Another way to look at it is to ask yourself what sort of partner/lover/spouse/etc. would make your selling something so dear to you a condition of being together? Not only that, but it often foretells other issues that lead to break-ups in any event. When my father was in his 80's he expressed big regrets over selling his sailboat and blowing off his kids from a prior marriage, all in vain of course. He wound up divorced & financially compromised, with no boat and grown kids that didn't like him very much. Sad.

[ShaktiGurl]

If you are looking for a marina/boat yard to work in around South Florida, you might check out Riviera Beach marina. The docks are nice but the surrounding buildings are under construction. It is not the nicest neighborhood but I ride my bike around here and to the store with no issues. Right next door is Crackerboy boatworks and they seem to look the other way for those working and staying on their boats. It is right at the Port of Palm beach so easy access. The prices are reasonable, for South Florida....

As for your quest for a unicorn, I would say they are out there. Its just that young women these days are well aware of what men consider their "primary assets" and that those assets will grow "old and boring" (or as my husband would say, more intellectually and emotionally mature). They can't afford to blow off their education and starting a career knowing that they will be discarded when they quit wanting to go to raves (which kicked in for my own daughter at age 20 - now its jazz clubs and speakeasys - get with the times, man!). Young women know they have to be able to support themselves and build their own retirements and while they might have fun in their "semester abroad" playing on your boat, they eventually must consider themselves and their own future. So yeah, finding a 20-something willing to take a chance that you might stick around with them might be difficult.
But South Florida is the place to be to find that unicorn. Just last week I was walking around the Palm Beach Gardens mall. There were many young women walking, or in some cases, rolling their geezers around while they shopped. I guess it can be win-win for both. They get their young beauty and those young women, as far as I am concerned, are earning every penny of that money.

[Cuttyhunk]

Originally Posted by alctel

I'm kind of curious, for those who were single and living on their boat who then found a girlfriend who moved in with them - how did you manage to move from 'my boat' to 'our boat'

In my case I've redone every single system on my boat, and if I ever decided to stop being single, I can't see how a partner would ever feel it's 'our boat' as my energy and work is in every single inch. The only thing I can see is buying a new boat, together. Is that a fair assessment?

This theoretical partner, either she will want to participate in maintenance and projects, or she will watch you do it. If she is the participatory type, over time the boat will become "our boat". As you well know, every system you have redone will need more redoing in the future. If she is not the participatory type, then she will definitely consider it your boat. If she comes into the relationship with her own boat, well, then, you may just have to buddy-boat for a time. I knew one couple who did this until one of the boats did not survive a hurricane in the Bahamas. They repaired the less severe damage on the other boat and moved in together. As for the prenup, well, that assumes you get married and why do that right away?

I am married, and the boat at first was clearly more "mine" than his, even though we bought it after the wedding. I have contributed to this by referring to it as "mine" more than once, because I usually hear men say "mine" and women say "ours" or "his" and I do like to thumb my nose at stereotypes. However, as time has gone on and we have done many projects together (including the current engine rebuild), it is becoming truly "ours".


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[Sandero]

Originally Posted by Cuttyhunk

This theoretical partner, either she will want to participate in maintenance and projects, or she will watch you do it. If she is the participatory type, over time the boat will become "our boat". As you well know, every system you have redone will need more redoing in the future. If she is not the participatory type, then she will definitely consider it your boat. If she comes into the relationship with her own boat, well, then, you may just have to buddy-boat for a time. I knew one couple who did this until one of the boats did not survive a hurricane in the Bahamas. They repaired the less severe damage on the other boat and moved in together. As for the prenup, well, that assumes you get married and why do that right away?

I am married, and the boat at first was clearly more "mine" than his, even though we bought it after the wedding. I have contributed to this by referring to it as "mine" more than once, because I usually hear men say "mine" and women say "ours" or "his" and I do like to thumb my nose at stereotypes. However, as time has gone on and we have done many projects together (including the current engine rebuild), it is becoming truly "ours".


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum

This raises some interesting issues. I bought my boat in 85 and have poured enormous resources in time and money since that purchase. I met my present land lubber wife in late 90s. It was not easy to get her into the boat but she's now comfortable though does little more than some cleaning, watch and cooking. She's not a "mechanical" person. doesn't drive and have little interest in the mechanics of sailing or boat maintenance. I consider the boat ours because we are married. If I get divorced (unlikely) there is no doubt that the boat reverts to mine.

I don't know that I would feel comfortable giving up the con to someone who doesn't have what it takes and years of experience re boat stuff.

I was a single hander before I met her and am effectively one with her as wife. She makes no decisions about the resource allocation or care and maintenance of the boat. But she is fine company and a pleasure on board. She's lost the land lubber views/paranoia... but understandably is very much a fair weather sailor but will weather the weather when we must.

[tinkrman69]

Partner or slave which is it you want. the previous can bring many happy times, the latter brings nothing but self disgust. Of course it takes a pretty low self-esteem to want the latter. Don't mistake EGO for self worth.

[Celestialsailor]

Originally Posted by ShaktiGurl

There were many young women walking, or in some cases, rolling their geezers around while they shopped. I guess it can be win-win for both. They get their young beauty and those young women, as far as I am concerned, are earning every penny of that money.

Please tell me that you are not saying that they are having a form of intimate relationship

[1000 islands]

Originally Posted by Cuttyhunk

This theoretical partner, either she will want to participate in maintenance and projects, or she will watch you do it. If she is the participatory type, over time the boat will become "our boat". As you well know, every system you have redone will need more redoing in the future. If she is not the participatory type, then she will definitely consider it your boat. If she comes into the relationship with her own boat, well, then, you may just have to buddy-boat for a time. I knew one couple who did this until one of the boats did not survive a hurricane in the Bahamas. They repaired the less severe damage on the other boat and moved in together. As for the prenup, well, that assumes you get married and why do that right away?

I am married, and the boat at first was clearly more "mine" than his, even though we bought it after the wedding. I have contributed to this by referring to it as "mine" more than once, because I usually hear men say "mine" and women say "ours" or "his" and I do like to thumb my nose at stereotypes. However, as time has gone on and we have done many projects together (including the current engine rebuild), it is becoming truly "ours".


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum

Originally Posted by Sandero

This raises some interesting issues. I bought my boat in 85 and have poured enormous resources in time and money since that purchase. I met my present land lubber wife in late 90s. It was not easy to get her into the boat but she's now comfortable though does little more than some cleaning, watch and cooking. She's not a "mechanical" person. doesn't drive and have little interest in the mechanics of sailing or boat maintenance. I consider the boat ours because we are married. If I get divorced (unlikely) there is no doubt that the boat reverts to mine.

I don't know that I would feel comfortable giving up the con to someone who doesn't have what it takes and years of experience re boat stuff.

I was a single hander before I met her and am effectively one with her as wife. She makes no decisions about the resource allocation or care and maintenance of the boat. But she is fine company and a pleasure on board. She's lost the land lubber views/paranoia... but understandably is very much a fair weather sailor but will weather the weather when we must.

The "ours", "his","mine" aspect of boating has always been something of a argumentative debate between spouses.

I booght our first boat before we were married and it was always referred to as "my boat" by my wife and most everybody else, because my wife had never been on anything other than a cruise ship previously so she was a rookie for sure.

After 3 boats and a marriage and much other stuff, the current boat is "ours".

But, my wife says this on a not too frequently basis, "If something were to happen to me, you'd keep the boat, if something happened to you, the boat would have a for sale sign on her very quickly"

And the reason for her position is that for her boating has always been about the two of us, it would not be enjoyable otherwise...........nice eh?

[weavis]

Originally Posted by Celestialsailor

Please tell me that you are not saying that they are having a form of intimate relationship

Gulp!

Oh heavens no!!

[Muckle Flugga]

Originally Posted by 2hullvenus

Not really. ... I have no shortage of women. I have too many, actually. ...
I have 2 to see as i pass through Port Saint Lucie tomorrow. Several waiting in Miami. Several wanting to fly down from NY and Chicago once I'm there.

Been away a few months. Got an email from this thread randomly, and so against my better judgement I clicked on it, and here you are, still boring on about your endless supplies of women just panting to get at you. Even if it were true, it just seems to me your main purpose here some kind of a kick about bigging yourself up in this way. That shouts beta male at best, to me. Major insecurities. The alphas don't need to bore the public all day long about their conquests, matey.

[ShaktiGurl]

Originally Posted by Celestialsailor

Please tell me that you are not saying that they are having a form of intimate relationship

Hard to imagine that is the case now but it likely started out intimate. And that is sad in itself as those women are obviously still in their prime. To be fair, the young beauties I mentioned were probably in their 30s-40s by now (even more beautiful!) with men 20-30 years their senior. Obviously wealthy and perhaps very good companions. My father is married to a woman 22 years his junior but she was no 20-something who had not lived a life of her own when they married. While I love her and she is a wonderful woman and I am so grateful she is there to take care of my dad, I can see that she still has a lot of life left in her while my dad has slowed considerably. She showed up last xmas eve looking like Catwoman in leather pants and jacket. She is smokin at 65! I am sure my dad appreciates she still looks great but I am guessing their intimacy days are over now that he is 87. These are things to consider when you choose a companion so different in age, if you are looking for a long-term companion.

There are also the types of men that seek out younger women because they like to tell them what they should want and need and expect that at 20 years old, they will always feel that way. This I have personal experience with as I ran off with a man nearly 20 years my senior when I was 19, much to my parents horror (another consideration). He wanted a life of adventure in Montana, to live on the land, etc. It sounded great but there was always that nagging feeling that I would need to find a way to earn my own living so I continued my education and training. He hated it and constantly told me it was a waste of time and I should just want to do the things he wanted to do. Eventually he told me that I was not worth much as a mother at age 29 ("used up" was the phrase), and well, I just had to put that to the test. Turned out he was so very wrong.

My point to the OP is this: 1) that the Riviera Beach Marina is pretty nice, if you don't mind a little funk (a.ka.a dysfunction). 2) That, it is my opinion, you are looking in the wrong age-bracket if you truely want a long-term companion (statistically speaking), or there is 3) the OP is actually intellectually and emotionally the age of a 20-something and while this might be the appropriate age bracket for him to be searching for a companion, well, as a mother of a 23 year old daughter, ICK! and No! But then, I WAS that girl.