Am I being irresponsible?

[ontherocks83]

If you include him in learning how to sail even just learning how to steer when you are on the water or give him 1 chore to take care of on the boat he will feel so important and included and will give him great confidence.

I used to love having "my job" on board when I was little, what ever the job was because it was mine no one else could do it and I could do it the best. That could range from un-tying and tying the stern dock line, to steering, to making sure all guests tried on a life jacket and had one assigned to them. Make him think the boat can't float without him and he will be the proudest 6 year old there is. Much more so then making him be responsible for taking out the trash in an apartment.

[Cheechako]

I think you have to ask yourself if sailing and cruising is what you really want... and what you can afford. Simply living aboard a smal boat and working is a PITA at times. Iron a blouse for work? PITA. Do laundry? PITA. Cook on a tiny stove with limited room? PITA. Worry about junior falling overboard? PITA. Fill the water tank with a hose? PITA.
My point is... you have to really want to do it and then those things become worth it. But not a huge reward for just living at the dock as opposed to going cruising.... of course it's easier if you have a big boat... then you are getting closer to having an apartment....

[robert644]

In the last 5 years I have seen two people with children living on boats here. Both lasted about 3 years before moving on. In both cases it struck me that lack of space was a big deal in their leaving. In both cases I saw children's toys scattered over the dock and piled on their boats. Bicycles mostly. One couple had 3 kids and the other 2. Both boats were about 34-36, one a Cruise-A-Home type thing, and the other some kind of barge.

The barge guy lived with his 3 kids while his wife worked out of state I think. His choices were keep the 3 on the barge or let them lose on the dock. So they would ride up and down the docks where I can't say they were too much trouble, but there they were. I don't know how it would work out to have children driving small boats around inside the harbor, but it doesn't seem like the best of ideas, especially with so many larger boats that move in and out of the harbor quite a bit.

The other guy had 2 young kids and the same thing. Bicycles. I swear he must of had 5 bicycles for those 2 kids. And he could put them on top of his cruiser or on the dock. They left mid-winter. Neither were messy or anything like that, it just seemed to me they didn't have enough space for their kids.

So with that I would suggest to you buying a powerboat with twin staterooms. A Tri-Cabin Trawler might be just the thing, and you could find one about 34 in length. Larger is better though. Don't worry about the maintenance thing, just pay a mechanic to service the boat yearly or during haul-outs. I mean, are you buying a boat to live on it or to drive/sail it ?

[rw58ph]

Under Women afloat there is a discussion title “Things you wished you knew before you went cruising” which also applies to being a live aboard. There are also other discussion that you may find helpful. Lastly there is a secret women only section call “Mermaids” but I forgot where it is located as they would not let me join.

[Rhapsody-NS27]

Originally Posted by rw58ph

Under Women afloat there is a discussion title “Things you wished you knew before you went cruising” which also applies to being a live aboard. There are also other discussion that you may find helpful. Lastly there is a secret women only section call “Mermaids” but I forgot where it is located as they would not let me join.

Here's the Mermaids Group.
Cruisers & Sailing Forums - ~~Mermaids Group~~

[socaldmax]

There is another, unmentioned advantage to living aboard a boat. Whenever he misbehaves and you threaten to string him up at the yardarm, you can actually do it!

[westwinds]

What books are you reading? It's my indirect way of asking what you are planning to do next. There's books on cruising, like LIn and Larry Pardey's, books; books on surveying and buying boats. What kind of boat do you want: ocean going, coastal cruising, will you just live aboard in a marina and maybe have a little sailing dinghy, how much do you want to take on with a sailboat. Books on various makes and models. My guess is 25 to 30 feet since it would be adequate to live and learn on, and because of the smaller size, heavy displacement for safety and comfort. However, there are others here with different ideas I am sure.

Are you going to home school your child? If so, I would recommend Calvert School out of Baltimore. I would also take sailing school for yourself, American Sailing Association classes 101, 103, 104, 107. If you want to get into repair, there have to be classes for that.

[rw58ph]

You can be a newbie/wantabe like us. We bought the boat with out even knowing the brand name. They kept calling it a Roughwater boat, we thought they meant it could handled rough water, not until we where sign did we realize Roughwater was the band name. All we knew it was big, it survey well, it was big, bank willing to finance, it was big, we got a great price and did I mention it was big!

We never read a book, besides most males do not read books or instructions. As mentioned before walk the marinas, docks, go to boat shows, and also the boat yard so you know what a boat looks like below the water line. Ask questions and talk to people, as people love to talk once you get them started. Some time the problem is getting them to stop talking. After a period of time you will gravitate to a certain size and kind of boat, unless you get bigger boatitize like my wife did. When she walked on to the Eagle she just knew it was THE BOAT. It had all her wants, it was bigger than what we were looking for but with in our budgets and cash flow.

I would highly advise you finance the boat as banks/finance have lists a preferred surveyors, they will tell you want the boat is worth and what they will finance. Also insurance companies are great as they will tell you how much they will insure the boat for. So between the bank, insurance and surveyor you should not go to far wrong. Remember, brokers are NOT your friend.

I mentioned financing as you can finance a boat but you can not finance repairs/up grades. There are usually surprises and you will probable want to up grade make it your boat so make sure you do NOT make yourself cash poor.

Most sail boat have motors so you really do not have to know how to sail. Besides a motor boat will give you move living space and they ares so dark. Its like living in a cave. Come over to the light side!

[s/v Beth]

There are a ton of free home school- er internet schools- around. They are all over the net here in the west. I bet they would allow all comers. Then there is You-tube- You can take everything from basic stuff to college stuff on there. I don't think its ever been easier to be educated.
I would get out and spend a couple of days on the water. Ether your going to like it or not. Get a friend to allow you to camp on their boat for a day or so, then listen carefully to what your son says.

[socaldmax]

Check out The Khan Academy.
https://www.khanacademy.org/ This is truly a revolution in curriculum development, and has gotten strong support from the likes of Google and Bill Gates. Some mainstream schools are switching over to this curriculum with excellent results.

[oldragbaggers]

Originally Posted by robert644

I don't know how it would work out to have children driving small boats around inside the harbor, but it doesn't seem like the best of ideas, especially with so many larger boats that move in and out of the harbor quite a bit.

I wasn't by any means advocating letting children zip around busy harbors in boats. We were in a private mooring field in a quiet cove owned by the Navy Sailing Club. The only boat traffic was private boats entering and exiting the marina and they had no need to go through the mooring field.

The point I was actually trying to make was about how adaptable kids are. Generally speaking they are far more adaptable than the adults. Mom will be the one that will have trouble adjusting to cooking in a galley the size of a linen closet, making trips to the Laundromat, not having a place to store all her clothes and shoes, and carrying everything back and forth down the docks. Junior will probably jump right in with both feet (no pun intended) and take to it like a duck to water (Okay, maybe the pun is intended....). Most kids do.

[Flem.S.Coyle]

I read all the responses carefully, and want to tread carefully in my response.

I'll admit also that my general attitude is, what a great way to raise a kid! ...especially a boy. What experiences he'll be afforded!

But, at the risk of playing devil's advocate, I'll submit that the best experience he can hope for is having a father in his life, whether that's on a boat or elsewhere. Consider your son's very own father's advice (assuming he cares) as to whether it's irresponsible or otherwise unrecommended, before you take mine or anyone else's (advice) on the big old innertubes.

I did read what you'd written about the father being in South America for a year, but didn't quite get the impression that he'd abandoned you and his son. And, far too often, when left with only one side of a dramatic story, folks wanting to be supportive are inclined to dismiss the other side with prejudice. Lots of good advice here, as well as words of support, and I won't try to diminish any of it.

But, I will add that the boy does need his father, even if that notion is unpopular in this forum or elsewhere in the world. If that father has turned his back, then shame on him. I just would stop short of making it impossible (or monumentally difficult) for him to have a presence in the kid's future, though.

All that being said, by all means, if it comes down to being a home on the water versus a home on the dirt, go with your heart. You can't keep him from falling overboard while you're at work any more than you can keep him from sticking his finger in a light-socket in a crappy apartment, while you're at work. And the perils of homeschooling are nothing compared to the guaranteed horror of public school indoctrination education.

While you're making up your minds, see if you can get him on the water for a day-sail or three, like someone else already suggested. Lots of sailing opportunities within a few hours of Raleigh. Ask me how I know!

My dos centos, for what it's worth.

[rakedfront1]

Originally Posted by AliRodrigues

Thank you so, so, so much for your responses. I feel much better have insight from people who have either tried living, or at least know people who have lived like this.

Boat maintenance is something I know nothing about. When I read about other people doing so much themselves, I think it's amazing, but often wonder how exactly they learned those skills.

When me and my wife got married she was clueless on anything that pertained to vehicle, house or boat maintanance or repair. Every time I would fix something she would sit there with me and watch and help. I would explain everything to her. Five years later she changes water focets, oil in the car, water heater in the house, ball joints, breaks on the vehicles all by herself.

You can learn too. If you do move on the boat you will meet a lot of good people willing to help you fix things. When they do sit there with them watch and learn. There are a lot of good books about boat maintanance. The internet including this forum is also a good resourse. On you tube all you have to do is type in what you look for and a video on how to fix something will pop up. Buy your own tools and start doing little repair jobs yourself and slowly, slowly you will learn. Eventually your son will learn all these skills and he will be much better off then his pears.

Do not listen to people telling you all this crap about being irresponsible for choosing this life style. My parents think that I went cookoo in the head when I tell them I sleep on a boat on the ocean. Some of my friends cannot comprehend as to why in 21st century I rely on the wind to get me from point A to point B.

I wish you and your son the best.......Constantin

[rakedfront1]

"And the perils of homeschooling are nothing compared to the guaranteed horror of public school indoctrination education."

I second that! I teach High School Math and if I had a child I would not send him to a public or private school ........

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Flem.S.Coyle

I read all the responses carefully, and want to tread carefully in my response.

I'll admit also that my general attitude is, what a great way to raise a kid! ...especially a boy. What experiences he'll be afforded!

But, at the risk of playing devil's advocate, I'll submit that the best experience he can hope for is having a father in his life, whether that's on a boat or elsewhere. Consider your son's very own father's advice (assuming he cares) as to whether it's irresponsible or otherwise unrecommended, before you take mine or anyone else's (advice) on the big old innertubes.

I did read what you'd written about the father being in South America for a year, but didn't quite get the impression that he'd abandoned you and his son. And, far too often, when left with only one side of a dramatic story, folks wanting to be supportive are inclined to dismiss the other side with prejudice. Lots of good advice here, as well as words of support, and I won't try to diminish any of it.

But, I will add that the boy does need his father, even if that notion is unpopular in this forum or elsewhere in the world. If that father has turned his back, then shame on him. I just would stop short of making it impossible (or monumentally difficult) for him to have a presence in the kid's future, though.

All that being said, by all means, if it comes down to being a home on the water versus a home on the dirt, go with your heart. You can't keep him from falling overboard while you're at work any more than you can keep him from sticking his finger in a light-socket in a crappy apartment, while you're at work. And the perils of homeschooling are nothing compared to the guaranteed horror of public school indoctrination education.

While you're making up your minds, see if you can get him on the water for a day-sail or three, like someone else already suggested. Lots of sailing opportunities within a few hours of Raleigh. Ask me how I know!

My dos centos, for what it's worth.

I agree with 99% of what you posted. I'd just like to add that not every man makes a good father or father figure. My father died when I was 4 and my mom remarried, it was the worst thing she ever did.

It just depends on the individuals. In a perfect world, mom, dad and 2.5 kids would live happily ever after in the suburbs with a white picket fence. Reality is often far different. Based on my experience, the best thing mom could have done was just stay unmarried. She truly needed no one's help, and it was never a struggle. But that was probably a one in a million scenario.