Finding a New Lover

[chris_gee]

Hmm.
"Hahaha I actually will never marry "officially" again. I will do a marriage through a church ceremony but never on paper with a government ever again. Too much money to end it if it ever goes bad."
Maybe life is different in America lol. Here a church ceremony has legal standing. Even after 3 years a de facto relationship counts for equal property division.

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by fjwiley1

Keep the Boat you have.....get a new girl friend that appreciates you and what you have to share.....just my thoughts>>>>>

Life is Good if you keepa Smilin.....

Without even reading past this post,

PLUS A BAZILLION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happily married for 43 years and with several boats from a ten foot 50 mph power boat when we first met, to an offshore cruiser, to our current boat, a DF 1000.

I'd not trade her for anything, not even a a big boobed bimbo and a big Gunboat!


PS Wife's boobs are perfectly ample, thank you very much for your concern.
Having quickly scanned this quickly growing thread, I must add, I'm a NOOB to marriage. It's my first (and still in love, last) .

[44'cruisingcat]

Originally Posted by boatman61

So why are you asking us.. your convinced...
Go for it

Exactly. It's like his other thread where he was supposedly "thinking of going to the dark side". He wasn't.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by 44'cruisingcat

Exactly. It's like his other thread where he was supposedly "thinking of going to the dark side". He wasn't.

Actually I'll admit you caught me on that "thinking of going to the dark side". "He wasn't"

I meant no offence to cat owners. I needed feedback to show my lady friend.

I don't like sailing cats as much as you don't like sailing monohulls. Or living on at least.

Reflecting back on that post I wished I would have titled that post differently now. I was more thinking of motor yachts when writing the title.

Also I should have specified the type of sailing I do which does not reflect poorly on multihulls or monos.

[haiqu]

Originally Posted by CAELESTIS

Don't walk, RUN! She will ruin your life faster than a lee shore.

"Son, when it comes to women, keep your axe held high" --dad

Now there's a man who knows women. And your Dad too.

[beverley]

Originally Posted by haiqu

Now there's a man who knows women. And your Dad too.

Quite the contrary....

The trick is to find someone who is compatible with you.

[haiqu]

Originally Posted by satdiver

If I quit my job and just go cruising at my age and the stage in life I'm at... which I did once for about a year from age 29 - 30 I'll end up a maintenance drinker on the hook somewhere in the islands. At least that's what happened last time. I don't remember doing as much sailing as I did becoming a local watering hole regular.

Susan Johnson: Arthur, a real woman could stop you from drinking.
Arthur Bach: Well, she'd have to be a really big woman.

[haiqu]

Originally Posted by westwinds

I think there are a lot of women out there interested in guys with sailboats. The Wall Street Journal had a recent article on dating apps that said women go for guys with sailboats. Also, I wanted to see what my personality profile was so with my wife’s permission, I went to eharmony and went through their process. I thought that in not paying any money that I would not be contacted by any women, but not so. I said I was really into sailboats and it was like the fox sticking his head out of the bushes and having the hounds off in hot pursuit.

Must be an American phenomenon. I once mentioned (on a disrelated forum, to do with electronic cigarettes) that I was retired and living on a yacht and had two American women immediately and in succession ask if I was married.

Then again, I'm not interested in anyone that shallow. And besides, as Groucho once remarked, "I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me for a member ..."

[haiqu]

Originally Posted by beverley

Quite the contrary....

The trick is to find someone who is compatible with you.

Uh-huh.

[Kalinka1]

Originally Posted by S/V Alchemy

Married once to a woman who is as good a sailor as I am (for what that's worth) and who is prepping with me to start passagemaking in the next couple of years with our teenaged son. We've done separate oceanic deliveries. She agreed to mortgage a freshly paid-off house to buy the boat. She got a teaching degree to facilitate "boat schooling" and I'm about to go down to the boat in the middle of winter to do some engine work (brrr!). She asked if I needed her to join me on the ice-coated decks.

Good enough for you?

I have one of those also! Makes all the difference in the world!!!

[Cuttyhunk]

Wow. Wow.

Has no one else picked up on the part about how satdiver expects his lady friend to quit whatever land-based career she has built up over the years, find another career that will allow her the flexibility to work the same six-month-on, six-month-off schedule he has, and make enough money to pay for her half of the living expenses? If she finds that, wow, I want to know what it is, cuz I want to get into that field. If she's a medical professional, she could probably do it. Or a hairdresser -- two fields that have accommodated the cruising dreams of female friends I have had. My money management and financial expertise really won't work for that, alas.

I think actually what she has agreed to (if in fact she has) is a WAYYYYYY bigger deal than satdiver changing boats. He's already owned several boats and I doubt even if he broke up with his girlfriend that he will keep this Alden forever.

The apartment idea that the other person mentioned is really the answer you are seeking. You don't want to live on land and I understand that. But you will be away for six months of the year, so why should she have to live on the boat during that time -- if she wants to, great, but let her have that option; if she builds some sort of internet-based business, it's going to be nice to have a land office for the working months. If, after a couple of years with the apt., she's not using it, then you two can talk about renting it out or selling it off. It sounds like you are experienced in that sort of business deal. I would expect it to be far easier for her to commit to six-month stretches aboard, actively cruising, than 12 months on the boat, with six months alone, parked somewhere, without you.

I remember when I was cruising in the 90s, one of the happiest couples I met had a condo in Florida. They would sail for a while, then park the boat in a marina and go back to the condo for a month. I think they originally bought it because it wasn't going to cost a heckuva lot more than a storage area for their stuff. They happily cruised throughout the Caribbean and that bolt-hole in Florida with all the modern conveniences really helped.

I've never forgotten that and in fact have a beach house now that we bought as a gutted shell 3 years ago that will be our bolt-hole in a few years.

As for men, women, and boats, wow, and wow. I would love to share a beer with many of you, but seriously, the lack of respect for women as expressed in many comments in this thread is a big clue as to why some of you have such poor records in relationships. I am a good sailor, a passing mechanic, and I have lengthy liveaboard experience. The LAST thing I would look for in a man is someone who will always believe he knows more than I do and will always treat me as a low-level helper. If you want arm-candy, you will get arm-candy, and don't complain about it afterwards.

[ShaktiGurl]

+1 bethflkeys!

I have been reading this to my husband and another couple staying with us thinking she might need to be the one to run. BandB wifey also mentioned the lack of talk about love and commitment and "us" which seems a little sad to us. But there are all kinds of relationships so whatever works for you.

[Tropic Cat]

Originally Posted by satdiver

Okay how do I start here. Budget depends on the boat. I have a boat worth around 250k give or take on the market since she is early 90's built in ME. She is more expensive to maintain than a 500k newer boat because she is a high stress high end performance sailboat. I spent less on my old Hans Christian and IP485 which cost substantially more than my Alden and I sailed them about them same. ....

Sell your boat, then buy the lady a 38 -40 foot catamaran and sail happily into the sunset. Don't you know? Ladies are the reason all of us guys own catamarans.

Life is all about compromises. You have to ask yourself if you really want this lady? Or do you want to be 'right' and alone?

Some Catamarans for sale by owner.

[Blue Crab]

I say again, I wish I had satdiver's troubles but keep in mind it's not the Alden or the gal for him, nor is the Alden his personal dreamboat. Many of us read his OP too casually.

The other thing is he's not gone 6 months at a stretch. He has a rotating shift offshore on a oil platform so he's on maybe 10 days then back to shore for a bit. The job pays well enough that he can move whatever boat wherever he/she wants to be and commute by air. Speaking just for myself, having a SO on this kind of a schedule would be a real godsend.

Lest we begrudge his lot in life, remember he's in a very dangerous biz that most of us would not choose. Last time there was a diving thread, it seemed like about half of us are/were scuba instructors but the OP is far beyond that. He's living on the edge.

Many of us prefer to just potter about.

[ShaktiGurl]

FYI, I did not require the catamaran and it doesn't sound like his GF does either. My husband ( and rest of the family) wanted a good dive platform. I actually insisted on a smaller cat than him. I love the cat but would have been happy with a nice (light and airy and shallow draft) mono so I did have my own preferences. But it was about US and OUR dream.