Finding a New Lover

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by Sailing Cowboy

I bet it was fun though. If not you didn't do it right.

Oh yes! it was very fun. Nothing better than being a irresponsible unemployed chain smoking alcoholic living on a sailboat in the Abacos. And I'm not being sarcastic.

But I need a balance in my life. Working only 6 months a year is not a bad way to have a career. Plus due to all the medical restrictions regarding my job it forces me to take better care of myself during my downtime.

[Sailing Cowboy]

Originally Posted by satdiver

Oh yes! it was very fun. Nothing better than being a irresponsible unemployed chain smoking alcoholic living on a sailboat in the Abacos. And I'm not being sarcastic.

But I need a balance in my life. Working only 6 months a year is not a bad way to have a career. Plus due to all the medical restrictions regarding my job it forces me to take better care of myself during my downtime.

Why did you title your thread "finding a new lover"? It's throwing everyone for a loop. Sounds like you are happy with her. So all is good?

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by Sailing Cowboy

Maybe permanent narcosis.

Once ya go sat, ya never go back.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by Sailing Cowboy

Why did you title your thread "finding a new lover"? It's throwing everyone for a loop. Sounds like you are happy with her. So all is good?

A new lover being a new boat that also suits her wants for making this transition. I've gotten a ton of good advice from this thread from people who actually read my post which I'm applying to my current yachtworld search today.

I know my boat is sufficient for many cruising couples but if she is willing to downsize her life and make a jump to living aboard I'm willing to concede to her wants. Boats come and go and there is always something better around the corner. She is not asking me to go bigger or convert to a multihull or motor yacht now. So I'm searching out suggested boats to take her to see.

I've lived in a confined space most of my life so I can't imagine what going from a 3 bedroom house with a yard to a sailboat must be like. Or being asked to sell most of your worldly possessions to go cruising. Clearly something in her life is not fulfilling her for her to make this leap. I'm not the only decent single man around these parts.

If it does not workout I'll still have a boat and will be back on the market for a new lady friend.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by Blue Crab

Once ya go sat, ya never go back.

Yes I have few concerns regarding Henry's Law breathing HeO2

[Pirate999]

Unless you're married... Forgettaboutit.

[fjwiley1]

Sailorchic, Boatman, Cowboy...as they say..."he aint learnt nuthin"....

[zeehag]

too bad.... that alden is a sexy boat.....any woman not liking one of those aint worth having, sad to say....

good thing i dont seek women....lol..

[beverley]

Going off on something of a tangent...

The Alden seems to draw a lot of "wow" comments. Why? I certainly would not buy it. I want something with more style and elegance. When I look at the Alden, the word that comes to mind is "Brutal"

Maybe the O/P's lady is equally unimpressed?

[sailorchic34]

Ok so 50% of the women like the boat and 50% think its brutal. Gee no boat is perfect, but the Alden is nicely constructed. OK not as roomy as a late model cat, but one can cruise a lot for the price of a large cat.

Mind you if someone gave me a 40-50 cat I MIGHT not turn it down. Upkeep would be a bitch though.

[Dockhead]

Originally Posted by satdiver

I still get at least 5 months a year to cruise which I know is a awesome privilege compared to my normal working stiff friends. If I quit my job and just go cruising at my age and the stage in life I'm at... which I did once for about a year from age 29 - 30 I'll end up a maintenance drinker on the hook somewhere in the islands. At least that's what happened last time. I don't remember doing as much sailing as I did becoming a local watering hole regular.

I like having a job. It keeps me honest. And sane.

You've got a great setup

Most people on here are retired and will not completely understand this. I understand this very well -- I like working even though it keeps me away from the boat, and has so far frustrated my ocean-crossing dreams. I get to spend about 3 or 4 months on board a year; unfortunately not more than a month away at a time, and a good bit of the rest of it is living on board while commuting to London, not cruising. I'd like to take a sailing sabbatical, but I like my work and so far can't quite imagine retiring.

So I hear you -- I say stick with it -- it's a very good setup you have.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by beverley

Going off on something of a tangent...

The Alden seems to draw a lot of "wow" comments. Why? I certainly would not buy it. I want something with more style and elegance. When I look at the Alden, the word that comes to mind is "Brutal"

Maybe the O/P's lady is equally unimpressed?

You're certainly entitled to your opinion and everyone has a type. But just out of curiosity alone why "Brutal".?

You say Alden as "The Alden" as if there is only one type of Alden. John Alden designed a lot of boats. That's like saying the S&S or Bob Perry is ugly.

Here is an Alden

http://www.yachtworld.com/boats/1947...s#.UvvdMKyYNok

I don't think anyone in their right mind would call this boat "brutal" no matter what kind of boater they are cat, motor, mono or otherwise.

[westwinds]

Originally Posted by sailorchic34

Good lord, the Albin 44 is a HUGH boat. Me thinks the lady doth complains too much. You have the money and the boat. There are TONS of women out there, Must be a few that would think the Albin was a sweet boat.

Wait till she has to sand the bottom of it is all I can say. But my guess is that's not going to happen either. You sir do not need a bigger boat.....

Very good points sailorchic, but satdiver I feel like there is more to look out for with your girlfriend than just the boat issues. I once had a marriage counselor that told me you could start with any issue, pursue it, and it will open out into other aspects of a relationship so working out the sailboat issue will do that. I might be over reacting here because of my own marriages. The first went for 18 years with a feminist. I was widowed in that relationship. The second is twenty years with a woman who was physically and psychologically abused by her first husband, a fellow with a narcissistic personality disorder, so she is a defensive and anxious woman. I think you need to educate yourself, satdiver, on relationships, be careful. George Simon has written several popular books on understanding and dealing with manipulative people like the person with a narcissistic personality disorder. I found out about Simon over at Talk About Marriage - The Marriage Advice & Relationship Help Forums. Also read a book like Spy the Lie: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Detect Deception. There are even the books by authors like Neil Clark Warren, who created eHarmony #1 Trusted Singles Online Dating Site. I think there are a lot of women out there interested in guys with sailboats. The Wall Street Journal had a recent article on dating apps that said women go for guys with sailboats. Also, I wanted to see what my personality profile was so with my wife’s permission, I went to eharmony and went through their process. I thought that in not paying any money that I would not be contacted by any women, but not so. I said I was really into sailboats and it was like the fox sticking his head out of the bushes and having the hounds off in hot pursuit. I discovered that I had to state I had found someone in the part of the web site dealing with taking my money. There are more women than men on eharmony so maybe it was just a way to keep the women happy and paying. Maybe next time you go on a job, you could do eharmony as they are in 150 countries, or go with a dating app, which matches you with people located several miles from your location. I am thinking it might help you if you have more than one woman to date and compare.

Back to sailorchic's comment on boat size, Lin and Larry Pardey did a circumnavigation in a 22 foot Falmouth Cutter and wrote some wonderful books about their experiences. It's not the size of the boat.

[Jimmy Jazz]

Originally Posted by satdiver

While I can't disagree with you from a financial perspective of owning a boat free and clear vs having a mortgage on one. I have stated I would not purchase a vessel I could not pay off in 5 years.

I have played this scenario out once in my life with a 675k IP485 although I sold in after having her for several years.

On a 500k boat I would not be gaining a monthly payment just losing the extra income I draw on my property. My apartment is a updated two full bedrooms next to NYU. Which is also "almost" owned free and clear after recently refinancing. If you know the rental market in that area you'll know I don't have to worry about a lack of renters or the apartments ability to support a 450k mortgage. I rent the place for around $5,200 per month.

Even if the market tanks again I'd still be fine in this location. I only lost $500 a month during the last big recession.

??what?? you refinanced what you own almost free and clear and rent out for $5200 per month ! and you own your present boat out right. DUDE, BAIL THE CHICK AND HEAD SOUTH. YOUR GOOD TO GO !

[svmariane]

Wait - let me first don my anti-flame suit.

Okay....

Naked I entered this world; naked I'll depart. Boats, cars, houses, electronic gadgets - all are merely things. Toys. Yes, the OP owns a wonderful sailboat. But there are other boats. Yes, there are other fish in the sea and he might find another soul-mate somewhere - but he's apparently already found her.

satdiver apparently decided that his companion of several years is well worth the time/effort/expense of changing the boat. Maybe it'll end in disaster; maybe they will be perfectly content for the rest of their lives on the "new" boat. We can't predict how things will turn out.

Over the years I've changed wives, jobs, countries and, yes, boats. Finding the right partner was toughest of those decisions. The woman who stands tall beside me through thick and thin is worth more - to me - than some toy.

IMHO - satdiver appears to have made the wise decision. He's found a balance between a job that keeps him funded and leisure time to play. He's got his finances in order. And he claims that he's found the woman he wants. And while (gasp) sacrilege to some, of course, I'll ask: why not change the hull that, really, just keeps the other toys nice and dry, gives them a place to live, and moves them from port to port?

Adding fuel to the flames: 10 Best Sailboats: You Have Not Heard Of (But Should Know) {Note: that article is an opinion piece - and of course opinions will vary. Can't be all bad since it references a Celestial 48 like mine! }