Is the cruising life a lonely life????

[Wand]

Originally Posted by osirissail

- - "Live-aboard" and "Cruiser" and "Sailor" have many overlapping areas and many different meanings. Purely, "Live-aboard" is anybody without a land home who is living on a vessel. That includes everybody from the homeless to the crew of mega-yachts and in between.
- - "Cruiser" to me are people who use the vessel to go from one place to another to see and experience what is there. Some may be full-time live-aboards or they may be sabbatical cruisers who split their time between the vessel and life ashore.
- - "Sailor" to me is anybody more interested in enjoying the movement of a sailboat through the waters and also may overlap into the cruiser or live-aboard categories.

And a fourth category is the plain old boat nut. Members in this grouping may also be counted in others but now, gloriously retired, their main interest is collecting old wrecks, restoring, figuring, paddling etc...aka "just messin' about in boats".

[surfmachine]

Ahoy Steeve.
"I love that your doter will visite you and trouly hope my kids will do the same...I feel it will enrich there lifes "
Thanks for your kind words........
You say that you dont feel safe in your 41' sailing yacht, with all your family?
Well, it is different from driving your car on the highway, there is no sealed, marked road with posts each side!
A bit like driving your 4WD car across open landscape, dont do it at night when you dont know what is ahead, but in the daytime, go slowly and check whats ahead all the time, and be really aware of your surroundings and the weather.
With basic precautions and practice, it all becomes very safe. If you cant see and dont know what is ahead, then stop or turn around, wait until you can see where you are sailing.
Fair winds from Keith.

[otherthan]

Originally Posted by chris_gee

Are sailors lonely? Well maybe one has to look at what loneliness is. Shall we say an unpleasant awareness of an unmet need for interaction with others at some appropriate level of intimacy?

It is subjective so it depends on the individual and their perception of it at the time. It is not the same as being alone, nor is it the opposite of being around people. I imagine many live in apartments etc and are surrounded by people but their social needs are not met in a way that satisfies them.

Some people can sit down next to anyone and immediately begin a wide-ranging conversation which establishes links. Others like me are more reserved. Such diversions may lead to friendship but such things in a bar or party or where-ever usually do not. Because continued contact depends on opportunity, like bumping into them regularly, mutual interests or compatibility, and availability. In regular life one may have conversations with people, but not have a strong compatibility, rarely if ever see them again, and probably more importantly one has demands on one’s time, work, family, friends etc so that while one may be friendly it doesn’t mean a friendship is developed. Or if it is at the right level of closeness or intimacy,. I am thinking acquaintances versus close friends or partners.

If one has a relationship then friends or social contacts add to it.
If one does not then a friend or a social contact provides some level of social interaction whether it is at the desired level or sufficient for the time is an open question.

I think many people asking such a question are thinking of being alone. That is not necessarily being lonely. It can be pleasant time out.

I have spent a great deal of time alone through circumstances. Not what I anticipated but you get used to it. When I first faced an empty house instead of a full one I was very aware of the emptiness. Then I figured I was actually reading or watching tv, much as I might anyway, so it wasn’t so bad. Now I think having a full house and the noise level if say family visit is such a marked difference, that it is a relief to get back to the quiet. I enjoy some company of varied people but people have their own lives so if you are not having contact through work or other activities it is less likely. There is also a difference between what is okay at one level and having one’s needs met.

Normally that doesn’t bother me. Where it does hit as a single-hander is at anchor in some bay, maybe having a sundowner and cooking dinner and seeing couples doing the same things together, sharing activities, conversation and laughter while I have my book. That consciousness of what is missing is unpleasant and that is loneliness. Of course that is somewhat idealized and the couple may be bored silly with each other.

Sure sometimes there is a group and a bbq and some company of sorts. Close to the city in crowded anchorages many are seeking some quiet and are no more openly social, though maybe a bit more friendly, than they would be elsewhere - each in their own little box.

When cruising, people are probably much more open, because they are relaxed, they may desire different company for stimulation and they have obvious lines of contact and common interest, as to boats, passages, and local knowledge etc. So I would expect more openness to socializing then.

hey this is a grate post...it touched me in many ways...reading this thread has made me realise that we are all the same fundamantaly...like you I am not much outgoing (shy I am) however when I sing peapoles gather up and start talking to me...this has proven to be an ice braker anywhere in the world regardless of culture.
I am gratefull to everyone who posted, belive me it makes a difference for me...I am especialy pleased with your post...for this I thank you

[otherthan]

Originally Posted by surfmachine

Ahoy Steeve.
"I love that your doter will visite you and trouly hope my kids will do the same...I feel it will enrich there lifes "
Thanks for your kind words........
You say that you dont feel safe in your 41' sailing yacht, with all your family?
Well, it is different from driving your car on the highway, there is no sealed, marked road with posts each side!
A bit like driving your 4WD car across open landscape, dont do it at night when you dont know what is ahead, but in the daytime, go slowly and check whats ahead all the time, and be really aware of your surroundings and the weather.
With basic precautions and practice, it all becomes very safe. If you cant see and dont know what is ahead, then stop or turn around, wait until you can see where you are sailing.
Fair winds from Keith.

I understand you very well...and you are right...however? if I was to sail across the atlantic tomorow with my kids on my hinterhoeller 28...id sleep like a baby...because I may not know much about sailboats but I do know about construction...I can tell you with certainty that even I (relatively strong men) cauld not punch a hole thru the hull of my H28 with a sledge hammer...but no dought both my kids cauld on the IT41 with a simple hammer in one shot
This is why I have second thots about this boat...she is all beauty but no back bones!!!
we all love her looks and comfort...she gives the impression of a world sailor...but her construction gives me the impresion of minimal coastal cruiser...if you have a good life raft and radio at hand...on the other hand id go off shore with the H28 no radio and no life raft and not even think twice about it...this is my none sailor opinion and how I feel about these boats.

rgds

[boatman61]

This is where I maybe am different from the norm... I find most cruising couples (80+%) stay away from solo sailors... well this one anyway...
Ok... a wave as they pass... a nod in the street... but thats it..
My last time in St Martin for example (familiar to many so I use it) I was there 3mths... in that time I got to know and hang out with 2 couples.... both Europeans...
The rest... mainly Americans stick with there own...
Like most places I go... the 'Local' friends I make outnumbers 'Cruisers' 10 to 1 or more...
But then... my social things probably different to many... I like hanging with musicians, barmaids, fishermen, and wayward women....
Hubby's don't trust me with the Missus... and the wives don't trust their husbands with a rogue like me....

[surfmachine]

Avast Phil...........
Lots of solo sailers actually dont like the human race very much, that is why they are solo and wont take on crew under any circumstances!!? Except the wayward wumen, always welcome for one night??????
Cheers from Keith

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by surfmachine

Avast Phil...........
Lots of solo sailers actually dont like the human race very much, that is why they are solo and wont take on crew under any circumstances!!? Except the wayward wumen, always welcome for one night??????
Cheers from Keith

As a species... I'm not that keen on the H R... from an abstract point of view...
as individuals they can be pretty damn nice.
For work I'll happily sail in company...
I'm paid to be responsible for the boat and crew thats needed...
Solo...
do I really want the resposibility of someone else's life in my 'Free Time'...
also... on a long voyage I sometimes like a w/end off..
So I'll heave to and just drift in the general direction till I feel like sailing again..
not many folks can deal with that..
'EAR ACHE'....

[Wand]

Originally Posted by boatman61

As a species... I'm not that keen on the H R... from an abstract point of view...

Bro, remember, humans are over-rated.

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by At sea

Bro, remember, humans are over-rated.

I think our interactions are. They are illusory. Folks fill their lives with the sound and fury stuff to avoid actually thinking about their existence, IMHO.


Hunter S. Thompson > quotes > quotable quote
"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness."
— Hunter S. Thompson (The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman 1955-67)

[smurphny]

Wow, some actual thought going on here. The philosophically fatal mistake made by the wide majority of folks is that they base their self image/self worth on what others think. There appear to be very few independent thinkers due to the tremendous pressure to conform to stereotypes. It's a straight jacket of the mind, imposed by an ever more controlled society. Solo sailors, like people on this board, myself included, for some reason have limited need for the approval of others and hence, no psychological discomfort in being alone for long periods of time. It is in our nature to avoid lots of entanglements. We are a fairly cynical bunch, seeing through the ridiculous ideas most accept as truth.

[Wand]

Originally Posted by jobi

you may not know this but iv been working with and studying the reptiles of south east Asia for more then 25 years...been to Halamahera, java, PNG, sumatra, molucas, bali and my favorit place in the world Yapen aka (jobi)
hens the reason I optained a sailboat...my wish and disire is to spend the rest of my life islands hopping Aisia and finish my work...however, I have no confidence in my larger sailboat, to me it feels fragil and easaly sinkable...

Jobi, since it's your "wish and disire is to spend the rest of my life islands hopping Aisia", why invest in much more boat than you need just to get you there? I suggest flying in and buying a vessel in Indonesia or, better still, have one built for you - see http://boatbuildingindonesia.com/

[otherthan]

Originally Posted by At sea

Jobi, since it's your "wish and disire is to spend the rest of my life islands hopping Aisia", why invest in much more boat than you need just to get you there? I suggest flying in and buying a vessel in Indonesia or, better still, have one built for you - see Wooden Phinisi Sailing Boat in South Sulawesi Indonesia : Wooden Boat Building and Manufactures in Indonesia - Phinisi Sailing Schooner Made to Order - Wooden Boat Building in Tana Beru-Bira-Marumasa-Lemo Lemo-Ara-Sangeang-Bima-Labuan Bajo-Batu Licin

I wish to gain boat building experience...also whatever crosses my road has its reasons, I see this as oportunities...I am particularly fund of my H28, I know this boat wont let me down...the 41ft I dont like its construction ( I was offered twice what I paid last week) funny I havent done anything on it yet
once restaured she will generate at least 4 times my investment... the fun of working on her and gained experience... a win win situation.

as for buying boats in aisia...absolutly!!! in fact I will optain boats everywhere I go...its a good way to generate income while crusing.

thers so many abandoned boats just waiting for a seconde chance...and I have the tools and will to make it happen.

cheers